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How to make the worst cookies in the world: a great April Fool's day prank

Updated on March 16, 2012

Or how to give your friends’ taste buds PTSD

A very health conscious friend gave me some cookies similar to these twenty years ago. I still shudder at the memory. Although she was honestly trying to be nice by making a healthy treat, this gesture didn’t turn out so well. The first bite was so surprising that I almost didn’t make it to a trash can when my taste buds exploded in agony and my gag reflex won out over manners.

Now the passing of time has made me able to laugh instead of cry so I thought that this could be something useful to share.

This is my best guess at the recipe she used.

Don't bother getting out the measuring cups or spoons; these will be inedible, so don't bother.

First, no flour. It’s just not very healthy. Every nutrient has been milled away; what’s left can only be called a food-like substance. Even whole wheat flour is suspicious. You never know, you might be gluten intolerant. Don’t take the chance, use cornmeal instead.

Roughly ground cornmeal is best to insure nutritional value and that brickish texture we’re looking for. Throw some in the bowl. Oh, yeah, get a bowl to mix this in. I guess that’s one thing we can do right.

Next find the vilest artificial sweetener on the market. It has to have that just-about-to-be-banned-for-human-consumption chemical taste. Whatever it is, it’s gotta be better than sugar, right? That’s probably a powder. Okay, toss some of that in.

Don’t bother with baking powder or soda. They are super refined ingredients with no nutritional value. Also they could possibly detract from the hard as a rock texture we’re looking for.

Now usually we add vanilla but there are rumors that it contains harmful toxins. Don’t take the chance. Instead, find flavoring oil that you hate. My friend used mint, but there are other choices such as orange, cherry or coconut. Pour a bit in.

Add some olive oil. It’s good for you, so why not?

Last and most important, let’s add some carob chips instead of chocolate. That way it will look like innocent chocolate chip cookies. There’s no need to measure too closely because these will be one of the vilest concoctions you have ever tasted. The carob cinches that objective if you’re a chocolate lover.

Play with the ingredients until the mix has softish texture that can be shaped into cookies.

Bake at, I dunno, 375 degrees for ten to twelve-ish minutes. Cool until rock solid, then…

Well, I wouldn’t eat these, but it could be a decent prank to pull on someone special.

Mal appetite.


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    • profile image

      lily 4 years ago

      i love this food noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooot

    • Wise fool profile image

      Wise fool 6 years ago from Colorado

      Coming from you, I consider that an amazing complement. I guess the cookies would be a good diet food. No matter how much you want sweets, these won't be eaten.

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 6 years ago

      You are definitely my kind of person! Personally, I love the idea of awful cookies. They are calorie free and so terrible that you bake them and throw them right into the garbage. What a time saver. Up and funny!

    • Wise fool profile image

      Wise fool 6 years ago from Colorado

      Hmm...Maybe call them Maggot Bombs. I hadn't really thought of a name for them before. They look chocolate chip cookie-ish, so they were just called "prank cookies." I do like the name "April fool's cookies" or just "Fool's Cookies"

    • somethgblue profile image

      somethgblue 6 years ago from Shelbyville, Tennessee

      Cookies that would gag a maggot, sound good to me and you could come up with all kinds of colorful names for them . . . butt cookies, gorilla cookies or my my all time favorite Undead Cookies made with real Zombie Vomit.

      I think this has merit but actually the reason I stopped by was to see if I could determine why you would be interested in following lil ol' me?

      Well, I spent 18 years of my life in Colorado, so that might be it, I have the mind of a child so you can relate to that . . . let's see what else, perhaps it is because of my supremely awesome writing skills . . . yeah that must be it!