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I Know How To Do A Lot Of Things, Cooking Is Not One Of Them

Updated on May 18, 2010


For most of my life I’ve tried to hide my weaknesses. They include not being able to NOT eat an entire box of Girl Scout Thin Mint cookies in one sitting, never getting the blue piece of “pie” in Trivial Pursuit because I have no idea about anything geographical, not understanding anything about financial matters and the list goes on and on. But now that I’m in my mid-forties a sort of calm has come over me and instead of trying to hide the empty box of cookies in the trash under the 100 calorie packs of Chips Ahoy box or the broccoli that’s gone bad, act like I know where Canada is or smiling and nodding as if I know what people are talking about when they talk about the stock market or their IRAs I’ve decided to just stop the madness. When my spouse is home he cooks every night, he’s great at it. While I watch cooking show after cooking show (and my spouse asks if it ever inspires me to try any of the recipes I see – it doesn’t) when he’s out of town on business I do dabble in the world of cooking mostly out of necessity. I like to think as I search online for the recipe and follow it to the letter that I’m practicing so that when he comes home I’ll be able to actually make something edible. I always think it’s going to turn out great and it never does so I’ve just decided to accept that I know how to do a lot of things, cooking is not one of them – Don’t Get Me Started!

I reached my breaking point last night. When my spouse is gone I never open the freezer (unless there’s ice cream in it or a box of Thin Mint cookies) and when my spouse comes home he always asks the same question, “What did you eat while I was away? You didn’t touch anything in the freezer that I left for you.” Never mind that he’s left little frozen packets of delicious homemade spaghetti sauce, pulled barbeque pork and various other things he’s made in the freezer that all I would have to do is reheat, I know there’s no ice cream or Thin Mints in there so I never open the thing. But this time I vowed it would be different. So a day ahead I took out that ground turkey to thaw in the frige and then I started my search online for recipes. Would it be the Rachel Ray turkey chili? No. Would it be Mediterranean turkey burgers? No. Finally I decided on a turkey meatloaf recipe that according to the almost fifty people who had reviewed it was undoubtedly the most tasty, delicious meatloaf in the history of the world. I stopped at the market to get the ingredients I knew I didn’t have (only to discover when I arrived home that we had almost all of the ingredients, another thing that makes my spouse crazy – I don’t actually look at what we have and don’t have before I go shopping, he usually does the shopping so when I shop it’s a disaster – so let’s just say I’ll be getting an earful as to why we now have two full bottles of Worcetshire sauce in the cupboard when he gets home and no, he won’t care that the extra one I bought was on sale!)

As I walked into the kitchen I took a deep breath and threw myself into my work with gusto. I was chopping onions, mincing garlic adding some mushrooms even though the recipe didn’t call for it, sautéing all of it while lightly beating one egg and separating the other one to use only the egg white like someone was filming me for a cooking show. Within a half an hour I had created the meatloaf and had it on the pan and in the preheated oven. As it cooked for the hour I knew that the tide had turned. I could actually smell it and it smelled, dare I say it, “Good?” I imagined my spouse coming home and me saying, “Oh no, I’m making dinner tonight” and blowing his taste buds out of the water with what had become MY meatloaf recipe now. In the final moments of it cooking I made a large garden salad and dressing (okay, I can’t lie I used Good Seasons for the dressing but the cutting up of the Roma tomatoes, green peppers, Persian cucumbers and using not only a baby greens mix but some baby spinach was all me, baby).

When the hour was up I took the meatloaf out of the oven to let it rest for the five minutes stipulated in the recipe. It looked like meatloaf, it smelled like meatloaf so I figured that barring something alien-like jumping out of it and attacking me that I had finally hit upon a winner. I sliced it and put it on the plate and I have to say it looked promising.

It only took one bite to realize that after chopping, slicing, dicing, sautéing and everything else that it was the most tasteless thing I’ve ever eaten in my life. As I tried to console myself, telling myself that at least it wasn’t awful, it was after all edible, I slowly came to the realization that there are some things in life that I’ll never be good at and this was one of them. I’m a good writer, an excellent party guest, can get almost anything out of someone just by talking to them on the phone having never met them and the list goes on and on. And believe me when I say that I’m not boasting when I say the list is quite impressive in its entirety (list upon request). So why oh why should I be concerned if there are things I don’t do well? The answer is simple, I shouldn’t. So I’ll leave the cooking to the experts (my spouse) and I’ll leave stressing about things I don’t do well by the wayside. We can’t all be Julia Child but we can’t all be Some Like It Scott either. I know my place in this world and as time goes on I’m getting more and more comfortable with it. I know how to do a lot of things, cooking is not one of them – Don’t Get Me Started!

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    • somelikeitscott profile image

      somelikeitscott 7 years ago from Las Vegas

      MH - Great tip...ground beef...who knew?? YOU of course!!

    • MotherHubber profile image

      MotherHubber 7 years ago from Southern California

      No, we can't all be "SomelikeitScott." I've been on HubPages long enought to know that! (I sure wish there were more Scott's out there!)

      May I make a suggestion? I am an excellent cook. I have testimonials to prove as much. One of my tricks is that wherever a recipe calls for "Ground Turkey" I substitute "Ground Beef." LOL. Turkey is tasteless. It wasn't your fault!

    • somelikeitscott profile image

      somelikeitscott 7 years ago from Las Vegas

      Thanks so much for reading and commenting - glad you enjoyed it and I'm jealous about the's a complete mystery to me!

    • martycraigs profile image

      martycraigs 7 years ago

      You've got such a great writing style, this Hub was such a pleasure to read. And I just have to say, don't worry because many of us are right there with ya. I can't cook to save my life. Now grilling...