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Interview with the First Lady

Updated on November 5, 2014
New 666 iPhone
New 666 iPhone | Source

Interview with the First Lady

You already know that my ingenious supernatural helmet allows me to speak with the dearly departed wherever they are. But now my ability to interview celebrities, dead or alive, has been enhanced.

Courtesy of my brand new one-of-a-kind iPhone, model #666, I can receive phone calls at all hours of the day or night from said subjects wanting to talk about themselves. And you know I am always willing to listen.

Here is my most recent phone call recorded verbatim:

[My phone rings]

me – Hello, who’s calling, please?

Voice – This is the First Lady.

me – [astonished] The First Lady? What a pleasant surprise! I am honored and delighted to hear from you. How are you, ma’am?

First Lady – Just fine, thank you for asking. I would like to get your marketing advice about something very close to my heart.

me – Which is . . .

First Lady – Healthy foods and healthy eating. How can I reach more people everywhere with my message?

me – My first thought would be to personalize it as much as possible with your own experience.

I am aware of your interest in teaching children healthy eating habits. Has this always been a priority for you?

First Lady – Yes, I began early on with my own children and, as a result, I have cultivated a large, lovely garden of my own.

me – That is important for people to know. I’m certain that the produce you produce is organic.

First Lady – Organic?

me – You know, no foreign substances, no pesticides, etc.

First Lady – Pesticides?

me – [confused] What do you grow in your garden?

First Lady – Oh, the usual – tomatoes, lettuce, rutabaga, corn, potatoes, onions, rabbits …

me – [interrupting] Rabbits?

First Lady – Yes, my garden is overrun with those wild little rapacious animals.

me –I know, those troublesome members of Congress pop up where you least expect them. [laughing]

First Lady – Congress?

me – Sorry. Just injecting a little humor. Very little, it seems.

Incidentally, I would like to commend you for your exquisite taste in clothes.

First Lady – So happy you noticed. It’s true that I used to just throw on any old thing that was handy, but my taste in clothing has evolved considerably.

me – You could call yourself a queen of couture.

First Lady – Couture?

me – [changing subject] Do you have a favorite hobby?

First Lady – Cooking is my passion. I’m into pie baking these days: cherry pie, pumpkin pie, rutabaga pie …

me – Does your hubby enjoy the pies you make for him?

First Lady – If it doesn’t move, First Guy – that’s my pet name for hubby – will eat it!

me – You mentioned the vegetables you grow in your garden. Do you also grow any fruit in that lovely garden of yours?

Beautiful fruit
Beautiful fruit | Source

First Lady – There is a magnificent, gigantic tree in the center of my garden which has some beautiful fruit that I intend to pick one day. I am not certain if the fruit is apples or pomegranates.

me – Does your husband have a favorite fruit?

First Lady –First Guy will eat anything that doesn’t eat him first. But he does have a fondness for apples.

me – Perhaps you could pick some delicious apples off that tree you mentioned and surprise him with a homemade apple pie?

And then make that personal experience a part of your “healthy eating” marketing message.

First Lady – What an amazing idea! Thank you. I’m going to run out to the garden right now and pick some apples off our tree. I’ll call you later and let you know …

me – [interrupting] Wait a minute, Michelle.

First Lady – Excuse me. What did you say?

me – I said wait a minute. I have a funny feeling about this.

First Lady – No, I mean what did you call me? I am the First Lady.

me – I know. I do apologize. Please forgive my deplorable, unprofessional lack of courtesy by calling you Michelle.

First Lady – That’s what I meant! Don’t you realize you are speaking to THE First Lady?

me – Of course.

First Lady – Then you would know that my name is NOT Michelle! My name is Eve!

[Sound of phone being disconnected]

I guess I shouldn’t hold my breath waiting for her to call back for more marketing maxims.

And it might be wise for me to add ‘Caller ID’ to my phone number immediately – just to be on the safe side!

© Copyright BJ Rakow, Ph.D. (aka drbj) 2014. All rights reserved.

Author, "Much of What You Know about Job Search Just Ain't So".

Comments for Interview with the First Lady

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    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      4 years ago from south Florida

      Delighted you enjoyed my twist, Patricia. Your stunning compliments make it all worth while. Thanks for the angels, too. Sending you a few in return.

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      4 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, mary. Thanks for enjoying the twist and the sublime comments, and the beautiful adjectives, and the Up. You really know how to flatter a gal, m'luv.

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      4 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, Rebecca. Happy you enjoyed the surprise ending, had a few laughs and found this really cute. You make my day.

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      4 years ago from south Florida

      I could not ask for more flattering comment, Venkatachari, that you enjoy reading this again and again. Be my guest ... any time!

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      4 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, cinderella, it was my pleasure to make you laugh. Your laughter is my pleasure, y'know. :)

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      4 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, cinderella, it was my pleasure to make you laugh. Your laughter is my pleasure, y'know. :)

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      4 years ago from south Florida

      So nice to know, Audrey, that you love my interviews and find them funny. Then my mission is fulfilled. Love your 'priceless' comment - you ARE the best!

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      4 years ago from south Florida

      Thanks, Faith, for finding this hilarious. I kinda knew the 666 phone number might strike a chord with you. Thanks for the 'great,' m'dear - you are much appreciated.

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      4 years ago from south Florida

      If I ever get to talk to Eve again, I'll ask her about that fruit and tell her that inquiring minds like Linda, want to know.

    • pstraubie48 profile image

      Patricia Scott 

      4 years ago from sunny Florida

      That was quite a twist...and who cares what it was...it caused quite a stir

      Your interviews are far better than any online or television. Perhaps you should consider sharing your knowledge with some of the mega producers...they could learn a thing or two

      Angels are on the way to you ps

    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 

      4 years ago from New York

      Your interesting articles are only surpassed by your creativity! I have to admit I didn't see the twist coming, you hid it so well and it just fit like an old shoe. Great job my friend.

      Voted up, funny, awesome, and interesting.

    • rebeccamealey profile image

      Rebecca Mealey 

      4 years ago from Northeastern Georgia, USA

      HaHA! What a fun surprise ending. This is really, really cute.

    • Venkatachari M profile image

      Venkatachari M 

      4 years ago from Hyderabad, India

      I went to have a second read of it to get some entertainment. It is so much fascinating for me. I would like it read again and again whenever I may be bored to have some laughter.

    • cinderella14 profile image

      Sharon 

      4 years ago from Philippines

      I just can't drop the hub hi hi. Very funny indeed! Thank you for making me laugh today.

    • vocalcoach profile image

      Audrey Hunt 

      4 years ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      This is toooooo funny! I just love your interviews.

      Like Faith Reaper, I howled at the 666 number. The ending was priceless. So are you!

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 

      4 years ago from southern USA

      Hee hee hee ... hilarious! I was intrigued with the 666 number and knew this would be great, and it is great.

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 

      4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Hahaha!! I also want to know if it was an apple tree!! :)

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      4 years ago from south Florida

      I hope the call back, dear Susan, is not from the actual First Lady berating me for intimating that her cognitive skills were less than perfect. ;) And I do hope Eve calls back - I forgot to ask if the fruit was an apple or a pomegranate!

    • Just Ask Susan profile image

      Susan Zutautas 

      4 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      I couldn't understand why The First Lady had such a limited vocabulary until the end. I sure wasn't expecting you to be talking to Eve. I sure hope she calls you back. :)

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      4 years ago from south Florida

      Thanks, lex123, for loving this 'til the end as I loved your comment: 'hilarious and engaging.'

    • lex123 profile image

      lex123 

      4 years ago

      Hilarious and engaging till the end. Loved it..

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      4 years ago from south Florida

      Nice to meet you, Mel. Delighted I had you until the end when you discovered the twist. And thanks for the very clever.

    • MelRootsNWrites profile image

      Melody Lassalle 

      4 years ago from California

      I knew there must be a twist, but you did have me until the end. Very clever!

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      4 years ago from south Florida

      So happy, Alicia, that I surprised and amused you with the twist at the end. That is often my mission, m'dear.

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      4 years ago from south Florida

      Nice to see you here, tirelesstraveler. Thanks for loving this hub and the terrific and splendid adjectives. Delighted that my twist 'led you in.'

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      4 years ago from south Florida

      Thanks for finding my version interesting, pd. Eve didn't have quite the same reaction but it is understandable. No one wants to be #2.

    • AliciaC profile image

      Linda Crampton 

      4 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      I knew there had to be a twist at the end, but I couldn't out what it was going to be! Thanks for the surprise and the amusement, drbj.

    • tirelesstraveler profile image

      Judy Specht 

      4 years ago from California

      Terrific! Love this hub. The comment about the first family moving to Palm Springs and the first lady becoming the senator from my state was all planned when the twist lead me high and further in . Splendid.

    • psychicdog.net profile image

      psychicdog.net 

      4 years ago

      Drbj - felt there was a very interesting layer to all this as a modern version of The Fall.

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      4 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, Don, I thought I had answered your comment already but it seems to have disappeared, so I will repeat that I'm delighted my punchline caught you off guard. And thanks for sharing this.

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      4 years ago from south Florida

      Nice to meet you, newjerusalem. Thanks for appreciating the level of my imagination and congrats on deciphering the identity of Eve so quickly.

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      4 years ago from south Florida

      So I really gotcha, Eric? That makes my day. So do your sweet comments. Thank you, my friend.

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      4 years ago from south Florida

      Thanks, Audrey, for enjoying my funny twist at the end. And thank you for the most sublime comments. Absolutely true of course. Those who know me often comment that I am one of a kind. They just haven't yet figured out what kind of a kind! Blessings to you, too, m'dear.

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      4 years ago from south Florida

      I knew, Ruby, you would understand how I could easily mix up Michelle and Eve. Thanks for the laughter and loving it, m'dear.

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      4 years ago from south Florida

      Thanks for finding this funny, MizB. I guess we will never know if the fruit was an apple or a pomegranate, but picking it off the tree (whoever was responsible) did change the world according to biblical historians.

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      4 years ago from south Florida

      You are very perceptive, Stella, despite my efforts to keep the mystery going as long as possible.

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      4 years ago from south Florida

      Thank you for the 'engaging' comment, Jim. Love it!

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      4 years ago from south Florida

      Nothing delights me more, Billy, than providing your daily entertainment quota. Just as you provide a daily learning experience for all your fond readers. Trust me.

      Now go smooth the fur of those ruffled customers. Don't they know WHO you are?

    • drbj profile imageAUTHOR

      drbj and sherry 

      4 years ago from south Florida

      Nice to meet you, Venkatachari M. Thanks for finding this interview entertaining, funny and beautiful. Just what I hoped you would say.

    • newjerusalem profile image

      victor 

      4 years ago from India

      I enjoyed the fun, Just I was reading the whole conversation to know when she would declare that she was not actually the First Lady; I knew it at the starting itself. You wrote as if this was the real conversation. The level of your imagination is really high.

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 

      4 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Masterfully crafted. Truly you have a talent for interviewing folk. But I thought it was Michelle the entire time.

    • brakel2 profile image

      Audrey Selig 

      4 years ago from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

      Hi drbj. The First Lady is Eve, of course. What a funny twist at the end. The humor becomes you, and someone gave you this wonderful gift with words and narration. Maybe you inherited it, or maybe you are an original. Great job! Blessings. Audrey.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      4 years ago from Southern Illinois

      This is lol funny, so you got Michelle and Eve mixed up, could happen. Hee..Loved it!

    • MizBejabbers profile image

      Doris James-MizBejabbers 

      4 years ago from Beautiful South

      That really is funny. Maybe Eve did feed Adam a pomegranate, and we've had it wrong all along. Or maybe Adam fed the pomegranate to Eve, and they've been lying to us!

    • ladyguitarpicker profile image

      stella vadakin 

      4 years ago from 3460NW 50 St Bell, Fl32619

      Funny, I knew it was not Mrs. Obama the minute 666 was mentioned. Stella

    • dahoglund profile image

      Don A. Hoglund 

      4 years ago from Wisconsin Rapids

      Your punch line caught me off guard. Don't know what I expected, but that wasn't it. sharing

    • The Frog Prince profile image

      The Frog Prince 

      4 years ago from Arlington, TX

      Your interviews are always truly engaging.

      The Frog

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Okay, I now have my laughter quota taken care of for the day. I needed this as I try to calm down some customers. Thanks my friend...funny stuff.

    • Venkatachari M profile image

      Venkatachari M 

      4 years ago from Hyderabad, India

      Very entertaining interview. Enjoyed the funny and beautiful chat.

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