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Men burning meat
Last night was a beautiful summer evening in Melbourne Australia where I live, with only a slight breeze outside, so my daughter decided we would have a barbecue.
The little ones love a barbecue as it means they can help with an outside meal covered from the suns burning heat, shaded by the delightfully decorated Pagoda on the front of our home.
The gable roof is still lined with fairy lights from Xmas, and a glass chandelier reflects the colored light onto the outdoor dining table, so as it gets dark it will look even nicer.
As a male in my society it is expected that I will clean the barbecue and prepare it for use with a nice coating of olive oil and do all outdoor cooking. This is fine by me, because as a cook I would make a good blacksmith and no skill is required in burning meat on a barbecue, which is why the average Australian bloke who can barely boil water gets the dirty smokey job in the first place!
The first thing to know is that some men are in love with their barbecue, paid 4 grand for it and treat it like a sports car. These guys go to the extreme and polish the barbecue until you can see your reflection in it, but for the most part, the barbecue will still have pieces of last summer's barbecue season stuck to the grill, and all over the hotplate.
this lack of cleaning is familiar to most spouses who have suffered through the kitchen being destroyed by a husband offering to cook breakfast. Six burnt pancakes, a mangled fry pan later and the kitchen is a bomb site she is expected to clean up.
After all he reasons, he has made the meal! The cleanup may involve the ceiling and almost every dish and plate in the kitchen.
The only safe place to have a lot of guys cook is outside and wise women allow the barbecue ritual when they need a break from cooking. For some reason men do seem to enjoy burning meat on a very hot barbecue.
After scouring the top with a screwdriver, ( last years barbecue tools are nowhere to be found) I light the barbecue and set all the knobs to "hot." Then I go looking for beer. Beer is usually in abundance at a barbecue, but not in this household. We do have beer sometimes, but as my 6 year old grandson and I are the only males, we don't always have barbecues or beer unless my boys visit, so the fridge was beer-less.
Beer is always used to clean barbecues, the idea is to get the barbecue plates very hot, then tip beer on it. It is not unusual to see several males standing around a barbecue drinking beer and pouring it on the barbecue in strategic spots to watch the puddle of filth form and then mop it off with newspaper which often catches on fire. It is primitive stuff, and great fun for the little boy inside who wants to burn and sizzle stuff. I use water and discover it works the same as beer! Eventually the last layer of fat is removed and it's on with the olive oil.
I don't have to do any cooking work at all really, other than take the funny skewered sticks out of the packet and take the meat out of it's packet then burn em all!
My three smallest grandchildren enjoyed it, so I am miles in front. Worst food critics I've ever met, those little ones! They even ate some of their salads. My daughter had made a great big salad, so we got our nutrition from that.
My daughter ate her meat as well and I can eat burnt meat anytime, so it all went well.
I love a good barbecue where I can show off my meat burning skill to the kids!
I went mad and cleaned the barbecue too.