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Mom and the Great Shakedown: Why You Never Let a Strange Man Play with Your Zipper

Updated on August 3, 2013
Mom and the Great Shake Down - "Why you NEVER let a strange man play with your zipper"
Mom and the Great Shake Down - "Why you NEVER let a strange man play with your zipper" | Source
Source

I'm turning 16...a car? a Trip? nooo.. My Mother!

It appears that I have gotten some attention with my “Mom and Split Pea Soup” Hub.

I have to admit that it was fun “writing down memory lane” with that one. After I received so many inspiring comments from you, I’ve decided to share a little more of the antics that my brothers and I had to endure while trying to raise our mother.

I'd like to introduce to you MOM Part II, MOM and the Great Shakedown: Why You Should NEVER let a Strange Man Play with Your Zipper!

This particular fiasco was during my sixteenth birthday. That’s right, sixteen years old and she dared to “Do it again!!!!” Why God? Why?

In the Split Pea Soup Hub, I did confess that my mother was pretty darn good at surprises. Like the “taking-you somewhere-on-the-spur-of-the-moment” kind of surprises, and my birthday was just another opportunity for my wonderful mother to pull off one of her "surprises." If only that would have been all she pulled off!

1974 "Earthquake" Motion Picture
1974 "Earthquake" Motion Picture

April 5, 1975

Now I realize I’m going to date myself here, however, it must be done.

My infamous birthday surprise began with attending the opening of the BRAND NEW, Sen-surround Sound Mega Motion Picture…… “EARTHQUAKE!”

Let's have a moment of awe-inspiring and laughing silence on just how far technology has come to the movie industry since “Earthquake.”

This movie starred some of the biggest names in the industry. Charlton Heston, Eva Gardner, George Kennedy, Lorne Greene, Richard Rountree and Victoria Principal, plus many others.

(I feel as if I’m hearing a big “WHO?” from some of my readers!) It’s ok my lovelies, someday you too will try to explain to your grandchildren who Robert Pattinson is!

This movie was all that my mother talked about for weeks! She wanted to take me to the opening at Grauman’s Chinese Theatre to see the biggest sensation since frozen bananas!

I have to admit that I was pretty excited myself.

The Infamous 1970's Suede Coat with Fur
The Infamous 1970's Suede Coat with Fur | Source

Sweet Sixteen Nightmare Begins

The big day was here. We got all dressed up for the 1 ½ hour drive to the theatre. Mom got the Camaro washed the day before so we were looking finnnnne! The weatherman had mentioned that it may be a little chilly that evening, so we decided to wear our coats to keep us warm.

Now, my mom was a self-proclaimed fashion guru back then. She loved clothes and loved to buy them. One of the many things she enjoyed wearing were her “suede coats of many colors.”
Ohhhhh yes.. you know exactly what I’m talking about! No? Well let me refresh your memory.

Think back…back.. back to the 70’s! The most popular jackets out there for women were these form-fitting, down to the hip suede jackets that had fake fur around the collar, around the cuffs, and around the hem, and a great big zipper up the front. To make it even more fashionable, they came in an array of colors; China blue, crimson red, olive green, earthy brown, golden sun, and oh yes, let’s not forget DUSTY MAUVE! I bet you just had a little bad taste in your mouth, didn't you? Well, my mother had one in every color! (Another story)
She chose to wear the China blue one for my big night.

Grauman's Chinese Theatre
Grauman's Chinese Theatre

1974 Epic Movie "Earthquake"

Let the Party Begin!

Forty-five minutes into our drive to the theatre, it began to rain. Let me rephrase that. It began to POUR! By the time we reached the theatre, the gutters were flooded. Mom parked across the street from the theatre in a Pay Parking Lot. On the count of three, we jumped out of the car and ran across the street to the theatre.

Because of the rain, they opened the doors early and began to let everyone in. Our seats were 6 rows down from the top, on the left side of the isle, and the third and fourth seats in from the end. As we took our seats, I noticed that there were two empty seats to my left and then a gentleman and his wife were sitting in the next two seats after that. Mom was on my right, closest to the isle.

Ten minutes before the movie is to start, mom, all of a sudden developed a bad case of claustrophobia and had to take her coat off.

She stood up and proceeded to unzip the coat that she zipped all the way up to her neck to keep warm.

The one thing about these popular "Straight Jackets", is if you aren't paying attention, the inevitable may happen. As mom was pulling the zipper down, it suddenly stopped mid chest, and got caught from the fur on her cuff. She wasn't able to move her right hand to free the zipper so I stood up to assist her. I managed to pull the zipper back up again to free her cuff, but it wouldn't go past the initial stopping point because of “fur remains” that were left behind.

Up and down, up and down, up a little, then down a little were the continuous motions as I attempted to release my mother from her bondage of suede and fur. However, the more I zipped the less it would unzip and refuse to go past “fur blockage”! By now, mom was getting a little panicky and you could see the beads of perspiration beginning to form around her lips.

I sat down helpless and frustrated and told her that she needs to leave it on for the movie and we will deal with it later. Well THAT didn't go over too well! “Oh Fine,” she said. “YOU be comfortable, I’m only your MOTHER!” Oh for God’s sake! "Did SHE just really say that?"

With practiced guilt-face, I began to stand up again for my final attempt to pry her free, the man sitting to my left stood up and offered to come to her rescue.

“May I be of some assistance?”, said the Super Hero. My mother with the most syrupy voice answered, “Oh Thank you! You most certainly may”.

Super Hero to the Rescue

(Pictured)

Mom is 5’2”, “Super Hero” was approximately 6’, and birthday girl was 3’ (sunken into the seat thanking God the theater was dimly lit).

“Super Hero” moved closer to my mom as she did him, which positioned them right smack in the middle of my sight line to the Big Screen! (Are you kidding me!)

Trying a few times to loosen the zipper the same way I attempted to do so, didn't prove to be any better. Well DUH! “Super Hero” moved it up and down, sometimes fast, sometimes slow, always stopping at the fur and never able to go any “Fur”ther.

Then “Super Hero” got a brilliant idea. (Super Heroes are infamous for “Brilliant Ideas”)

He would stand on his tip toes to make him taller and to give him more leverage in hopes of pulling the zipper all the way down this time.

Up on his toes we went as he instructed mother to squat down a little. She quickly obeyed. “Super Hero” then pulled the zipper down, and this time it went a little past the fur line! Then, with a gleam in his eye, I could have sworn he stood there with his chest out and hands on hips as he shouted in a Dudley Do-right voice, “Don't worry Ma'am.. I'll Save you!”

He then instructed my mother to squat a little lower as his plan was to pull it up really fast and then back down to its final destination!

He reached down, and with one firm grip on her zipper, he yanked it up faster than a speeding bullet! Then with all the flair he could muster up, he proceeded to pull it down for the final time, only to discover that it wasn't going anywhere. The dumb ass got his tie stuck in my mother’s zipper!!!!!!

There they were, standing right smack in front of me, blocking the entire screen. I couldn't even see the seats in front of me. All I could see were two torsos jumping up and down trying to break free from the jaws of the zipper!

Now, other patrons behind us began yelling for them to sit down! The previews were showing now! Oh my God! I can’t believe what is happening right in front of me! Lower into my seat I went.

“Sir! Sit down please! We can’t see the screen!”, came from 4 rows back. “Just a minute, I’m trying to get free of her zipper!”, “Super Hero” exclaimed.

With one final effort, a jump or two and a yank, my mother’s zipper was down, the “Super Hero” was free and I wanted to die.

Mom took off her coat as the man went back to his wife, and with all the humility and thanks she could pull together, she said, “Thank you so much for helping me!”
Just then, the wife leaned forward and replied in a loud “Super Hero wife’s voice”,

“Oh, He’s great with zippers!"

Preparation and Blend Time

Prep time: 10 min
Ready in: 10 min
Yields: 2 Servings: 2 cups each

The BEST Chocolate Peanut Butter Shake for Adults

  • 1 cup Creamy Peanut Butter
  • 2 cups Snickers ice cream (or chocolate, vanilla, etc.)
  • ¼ cup Chocolate Syrup
  • ¼ cup Milk
  • 12 Ice cubes
  • ¼ cup Frangelico or ¼ cup Amaretto or ¼ cup Godiva original chocolate liqueur
  • Added Options Whipped Cream - Berries - Shaved Chocolate - Caramel Sauce

Instructions

  1. In a blender, combine ice cream, **liqueur, peanut butter, chocolate syrup, milk and ice cubes. ***(Liqueurs can be added one at a time or combined. They are also optional*)
  2. Blend until smooth.
  3. Pour into glasses and serve with a straw.
  4. You can garnish with whipped cream, fresh berries, caramel sauce and/or shaved chocolate.

How would you rate this recipe?

Cast your vote for The BEST Chocolate Peanut Butter Shake for Adults
Elizabeth Rayen
Elizabeth Rayen | Source

About the Author

Lisa has directed and acted in musical theatre for nearly 30 years. Her musical upbringing allowed her to pursue her career in teaching and directing and continues to direct shows today. As the owner of 2 online Home Décor sites, Lisa’s passion for Rustic Living all begins with her love for the home, outdoors, and her many hobbies. Lisa loves to laugh, and she share’s that love through her comedic hubs centered on her MOM. Lisa’s passions include writing, directing, acting, photography, singing, cooking, crafts, gardening, and home improvement, including decorating. Lisa also writes under her penned name, Elizabeth Rayen.

If you have a passion for writing and would like to earn money by writing for Hub Pages, Join today ~ It's Fast, Easy, & FREE!

Copyright © Elizabeth Rayen aka Rustic Living, all rights reserved. You are not allowed to copy or use the contents of this page without permission from its author.

Comments: MOM and the Great Shakedown: Why You NEVER Let a Strange Man Play With Your Zipper!

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    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 5 years ago from Orlando, FL

      LOL! OMG! I am speechless.

    • Rusticliving profile image
      Author

      Elizabeth Rayen 5 years ago from California

      hahaha... So was I!

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 5 years ago from Orlando, FL

      I'm able to write now. My older sister had that suede jacket!! Her zipper got stuck often also, but she never had a super hero to help her...actually she did and it was me! Haha! Your storytelling was superb!:)

    • profile image

      iamaudraleigh 5 years ago

      Super hero...loved your hub!

    • Rusticliving profile image
      Author

      Elizabeth Rayen 5 years ago from California

      Thanks! Brings back so many memories! Glad to know I wasn't the only one having to deal with those damn suede jackets! LOL

    • Rusticliving profile image
      Author

      Elizabeth Rayen 5 years ago from California

      Thank you! I'm pleased you enjoyed it!:)

    • Golfgal profile image

      Golfgal 5 years ago from McKinney, Texas

      I love the comfort food at the end of your story...LOL. Enjoyed your experience. Let the earth move under your feet....haha.

    • Rusticliving profile image
      Author

      Elizabeth Rayen 5 years ago from California

      LOL. I like that! The shakes are amazing.. hope you get to try one!

    • tammyswallow profile image

      Tammy 5 years ago from North Carolina

      You have a real gift for story telling! This can't be any funnier. Your mom has such a wonderful personality, I can just picture this. Well done and superbly told!

    • Rusticliving profile image
      Author

      Elizabeth Rayen 5 years ago from California

      Thank you so much for that compliment. I had a great time writing it. :)

    • vocalcoach profile image

      Audrey Hunt 5 years ago from Nashville Tn.

      OK Young Lady! My turn is coming. The only problem is...this is so funny and I laughed so hard, I'd be hard pressed to match your wit and you have to be the master of story telling! A great job!

    • Rusticliving profile image
      Author

      Elizabeth Rayen 5 years ago from California

      ahhhh thank you VC. Just remember two words... "Diaper Pin". That's all I have to say in the matter! :-)

    • homesteadbound profile image

      Cindy Murdoch 5 years ago from Texas

      If you keep them coming, you and your mother might have enough antics to create a book! LOL

      Great story telling here!

    • Rusticliving profile image
      Author

      Elizabeth Rayen 5 years ago from California

      LOL! Too funny. I am pretty sure I do have enough. The question is, I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not! haha :-)

    • Brett.Tesol profile image

      Brett Caulton 5 years ago from Thailand

      Love your writing style!! Very funny to read, as great little story, but made far funnier buy your style.

      Thanks for SHARING, up and awesome.

    • Rusticliving profile image
      Author

      Elizabeth Rayen 5 years ago from California

      Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it.I really appreciate your comment and vote. :-)

    • Sharyn's Slant profile image

      Sharon Smith 5 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA

      Another fun story Lisa, very entertaining from beginning to end. You draw me in as if I was actually sitting in the theater with you and mom. So funny! Thanks for the laughs and the cool "adult" recipe too!

      Sharyn

    • Rusticliving profile image
      Author

      Elizabeth Rayen 5 years ago from California

      You are so welcome! I'm pleased you are enjoying them. I think you'll find them all a bit of a hoot. But then again, I'm a little biased..she's my crazy mom! Thanks Sharon! :)

    • robie2 profile image

      Roberta Kyle 5 years ago from Central New Jersey

      I love the story. I love your mother. I love the punchline . I loved the trip down memory lane and I super love the recipe for the chocolate peanut butter shake. Can't stop laughing. This was just sooooo much fun.

    • Rusticliving profile image
      Author

      Elizabeth Rayen 5 years ago from California

      Thank you robie2~ I'm glad you liked it. My mother is one of my favorite people in the whole world who has caused me to drink many chocolate peanut butter shakes! :)

    • cclitgirl profile image

      Cynthia Calhoun 5 years ago from Western NC

      I don't know how you do it - maybe I just totally get your sense of humor, but you had me crying and I just about fell out of my chair from laughing. I had to stop and get a kleenex just to stop those tears from so much laughing. You ALWAYS manage to get me laughing like a bumbling twit - your hubs are so funny. You've also got me craving a peanut butter shake. Great. I just went to the store, too. Oh well, I'll just have to stop by tomorrow and eat to my nutty content. LOL

    • Rusticliving profile image
      Author

      Elizabeth Rayen 5 years ago from California

      lol CC. You are so cute. I can actually envision you laughing so hard and falling off your chair! (Don't ask me why) I'm glad you enjoyed it. My mom has gotten herself into more unusual situations throughout my life.. I figure, why not write about them and share the joy! :)

    • JamaGenee profile image

      Joanna McKenna 5 years ago from Central Oklahoma

      It's hard to type through the tears, but I gotta do it so I can get to the next ***Super Hilarious*** Mom knee slapper! (But I don't think I'll get the image of Mr. Super Hero leaning over your mom with HIS tie stuck in HER zipper out of my mind for a long time!) ROTFLMAO! ;D

    • Rusticliving profile image
      Author

      Elizabeth Rayen 5 years ago from California

      LOL JamaGenee. I don't think it could EVER happen again in a million years. You just can't make this stuff up! LOL

    • TheRightWord profile image

      TheRightWord 4 years ago from Sunny California

      Wow. My Mom had those jackets too...maroon. L O L. Do you have any paisley shirt stories? HA.

    • Rusticliving profile image
      Author

      Elizabeth Rayen 4 years ago from California

      LOL TheRightWord! I think anyone around my age had a mother who owned at least one of those coats! Paisley Shirts huh? WOw, just the "title" is funny! I'll have to think about that one! :)

    • QudsiaP1 profile image

      QudsiaP1 4 years ago

      Uhh got to hate those zippers. Funny stuff. :)

    • Rusticliving profile image
      Author

      Elizabeth Rayen 4 years ago from California

      lol... Ain't it the truth! Thanks QudsiaP1 :)

    • Docmo profile image

      Mohan Kumar 4 years ago from UK

      Ha ha - furring hilarious. I love your ability to portray the scene so vividly and so funnily. While the incident itself is funny it is truly enhanced by your ability to capture it with such panache. ! Funny/awesome!

    • Rusticliving profile image
      Author

      Elizabeth Rayen 4 years ago from California

      Awwwww Thank you Docmo. I certainly appreciate your kind comments and I'm truly happy you are enjoying it. :)

    • shampa sadhya profile image

      Shampa Sadhya 4 years ago from NEW DELHI, INDIA

      Voted up and interesting!

      I enjoyed it. The way you portrayed the incident is amazing. I must say that you are great in presenting humor.

    • Rusticliving profile image
      Author

      Elizabeth Rayen 4 years ago from California

      Thank you so much for the wonderful compliment shampa! I happy you enjoyed it! :)

    • Daisy Mariposa profile image

      Daisy Mariposa 4 years ago from Orange County (Southern California)

      Lisa,

      Mom's antics are worse when you're 16 years old.

      Your storytelling is superb. You have a way of describing things which puts your readers right in the *incident* with you.

      Thanks for sharing another great Mom adventure with us. I must remember to not to be drinking a cup of hot coffee the next time I read a Mom story.

    • Vellur profile image

      Nithya Venkat 4 years ago from Dubai

      Enjoyed reading your story. The recipe is awesome. Great hub and voted up.

    • midget38 profile image

      Michelle Liew 4 years ago from Singapore

      Funny story, with an amazing recipe too, Lisa, and glad Superhero saved Mum! Thanks for sharing1

    • Rusticliving profile image
      Author

      Elizabeth Rayen 4 years ago from California

      LOL Daisy... I should have warned you about drinking anything or making sure you go pee first. hehehe

      Thank you for such a great compliment. Thank means so much to me ♥

    • Rusticliving profile image
      Author

      Elizabeth Rayen 4 years ago from California

      Thank you so much Vellur :) I have to tell you, I have had (made) this recipe 3 times now and it just keeps getting better and better! lol ♥

    • Rusticliving profile image
      Author

      Elizabeth Rayen 4 years ago from California

      lol Michelle.. I tell ya, I wish he would have just flown by! lol Glad you liked the story ♥

    • Ruchira profile image

      Ruchira 4 years ago from United States

      Haha...I like how you brought me here. Btw...the shake seems loaded and delish :)

    • Rusticliving profile image
      Author

      Elizabeth Rayen 4 years ago from California

      lol Ruchira.. Surprise!!! Hope you enjoyed the story! The shake is soooooo good. I hope you try it soon!♥

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