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Cockroach Milk - Now We Have Gone Too Far

Updated on July 29, 2016

The World as a Freak-Show

Two days ago I could claim innocence. A mere 48 hours later and with the last of my belief systems destroyed, all I can think is that we have collectively entered an alternate reality in which the entire world has gone berserk. There is no other explanation. The world seems to have gone stark raving mad. Normal reality has been a precious commodity as of late. We have had mass shootings and bombings; mosquito-borne viruses wreaking prenatal havoc; a race for the White House technically between Trump, a non-politician, and a woman whose sole redeeming quality seems to be that, apparently, she is actually is a woman. We have an ever decreasing mass of Arctic ice, self-driving cars that wreck themselves, seagulls getting high from eating flying ants, and a strange purple orb living 5,000 feet underwater on the ocean floor. We have Hello Kitty beer, a fetish for all things zombie, and television shows for naked dating.

It is an all-out freak show these days and I truly thought things could not get much weirder.

Boy, was I wrong.

Science and Discoveries

Now, some scientists have decided to jump on the crazy train and intend to focus on a new type of dairy-free milk. This initially seemed liked an awesome news article. I’m a huge proponent of dairy-free milk alternatives. Not drinking milk as a rule, I nonetheless like to occasionally have a bowl of cereal or some other such thing that typically requires milk. (Oreos, anyone?) While I’m not dairy-free by any stretch of the imagination, I’m just not that into milk. I adore cashew milk and, at 30 calories a serving, feel justified in having that bowl of cereal. I’ve tried most of the dairy-free milk out there and find some of them much more palatable than others. Ripple, a newish player in the alternative milk market, is said to be made out of peas. While I admit surprise about a pea-based milk, I’ll probably give it a try at some point, but I highly doubt that I’ll ever manage to pour cockroach milk into my bowl of rice puffs. Nah-uh. Not. Going. To. Happen.

Frankly, I’m stupefied.

Oh, you were under the impression that ‘cockroach milk’ was a euphemism? Although I hate to destroy your comforting cloak of naiveté, cockroach milk is really, truly, being studied. It’s not yet available for sale, or even human consumption, but keep your eyes peeled, boss. I cannot even fathom how one comes up with the idea to consider cockroach milk. In addition to being fairly well grossed out, this article provided fodder for my over active imagination where I began to wonder what else might be on the grocery store shelves, simply lurking in wait for me to unsuspectingly purchase for my family's consumption. A long time label reader, suddenly I feel the need to ramp up my label reading efforts. Rest assured, I’m not going to be the one buying actual bug milk/juice. No, stop right there. Whatever it is that you are thinking, please do not feel it is your moral or civic duty to inform me about the amount of bug juice I’m already ingesting each and every time I buy a packaged food product. I already know all about insect parts and other disgusting detritus in my beloved cereal. After spending an inordinate number of years coming to terms with this unfortunate fact of life, it isn’t something I need to start thinking about yet again. However, I will cast myself in the role of food detective and keep an eagle eye out for any new oddities being intentionally added and in a high enough concentration where it mandates being listed.

Is this something I will be doing out of love, or fear, or simply to know, to with a reasonable degree of certainty (or at least the ability to claim plausible self-deniability) what is truly in my food? Perhaps a bit of all three. Don't judge me.

I would like to think, in this crazy, mixed-up world, that I can still open the emails which thoughtfully provide me with all the interesting and new science-y things to consider and happily learn about. I don't want to be afraid of what all those whacked-out researchers could be contemplating. I truly appreciate being able to read about things such as communication between entangled photons, the parallels between Quaaludes and marijuana, and, yes, even the slightly off-putting robotic cockroaches. I can wrap my head around making a robot with the characteristics of a cockroach, but I’m not sure I can manage to stomach the thought of having cockroach milk. Give me almond milk, or coconut, or even soy. But cockroach milk starts to get us a little too close to the idea behind Soylent Green. Is that what the future holds? From soy to Soylent Green?

Now, that would certainly be going too far.

What would you drink?

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    • Barry Wah Lee profile image

      Barry Wah Lee 17 months ago from Auckland

      Well now, I am not exactly sure how they will milk these cockroaches, but, and what I have been thinking about for some time is... Cockroach colostrum essence. I personally have been enjoying the benefits of cow colostrum and egg yolk essence ( or at least the information transfer molecules contained in them) but for reasons why those are great is why cockroach colostrum information molecules would be absolutely stupendous in th immune benefits any creature would be able to access!!

    • grand old lady profile image

      Mona Sabalones Gonzalez 17 months ago from Philippines

      What I love most about cockroaches is killing them slowly and painfully with alcohol.

    • Jan Michael Ong profile image

      Jan Michael Ong 17 months ago from Metro Manila, Philippines

      This is disgusting. When I want non dairy milk, I go for almond milk and soy milk. We are scraping the bottom of the barrel here. Great article though.