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Proof Satan Exists, I’m Addicted To Deviled Eggs!

Updated on September 10, 2011

I admit it, I can’t cook. Not only can I not cook, I can’t bake either. In fact, it would pretty much be fine with me if there were no kitchen in my home if it weren’t for the fact that I have a spouse who does cook (thus my ability to not only survive but constantly bitch about my weight due to the cooking that takes place in “that room” in our home). Although I’ll make feeble attempts occasionally, in most cases these attempts have been met with disaster or at the very least disdain from my spouse or others who have attempted to eat anything I’ve made. This being said, I recently had a taste for deviled eggs for some reason and I set out to prove to my spouse and myself that I could at least make these as they seemed as if they should be the easiest thing in the world to make, right? So while some may think it’s the fact that I was actually able to make something edible, as I made my second batch of deviled eggs this week I began to believe there were darker forces at work here. Proof Satan exists, I’m addicted to deviled eggs! – Don’t Get Me Started!

While many online seem to have differing stories as to why deviled eggs are called “deviled eggs” – some say that it’s due to the seasonings (there is paprika in them – or as my grandmother used to call it, “pepper-reeka” which is a reddish spice and if you equate red with Satan then I guess I get it) others say it has something to do with deviled ham. You remember those little cans with the devil on the side when we were growing up? Well this is what supposedly put the “deviled” into the eggs according to some. But I’m convinced that when I become addicted or obsessed with something, it’s just gotta be that guy, Satan. Who cares that I’m a Jew and don’t believe in Satan, I’m still willing to blame him in the name of the Father, The Son and the deviled eggs!

Now let me say that for years now I have been on the egg white only bandwagon. If I order an omelet, it’s always just egg whites. The Jimmy Dean sandwiches I eat every morning for breakfast (under 300 calories) only have egg whites and when I’ve had breakfast on the run at Starbucks I’ve only had the egg whitey selections. Hey, maybe that’s what this whole deviled egg thing is all about…maybe I’m yolk deprived? Maybe my body is craving the actual egg yolk because I’ve been depriving it of it for so long? Okay, probably not but worth the thought process.

The first time I made my deviled eggs (with the assistance of six gazillion recipes and step-by-step moron proof instructions from the Internet) I made four eggs which “yields” you (that’s a cooking term for those of you uneducated – insert eye roll) eight halves of yummy. Three days later they were gone and I boiled six eggs to which my spouse said, “What? Are you really making deviled eggs again? Didn’t you eat enough of those the other day?” I began to panic. I knew I had been discovered and like stuffing the empty bag of potato chips that I had consumed entirely by myself under some disgusting actual food garbage so my spouse wouldn’t look under it to find the bag, I knew I had to come up with a story. “Well, I really wanted egg salad but thought I would make some eggs for deviled eggs and use the rest for egg salad.” He just gave me one of “those” looks and moved to another room. Now here’s where those of you who actually cook know that I had come up with the dumbest story imaginable. Egg salad is really only deviled eggs mixed in a bowl so in essence it’s the same damn thing just different packaging. You know, like Kardashians, they’re all the same, no real talent just different packaging and a mother who is the best publicity Madame in the business!

So here I sit with three eggs turned into deviled eggs and the rest in a bowl of what frankly just looks like deviled eggs soup to me. I looked it up and supposedly two halves of deviled eggs are only about 90 calories so it’s not awful, right? But there was some sort of reason I wasn’t eating the yolks all these years, cholesterol, baldness, something I really can’t remember but I know they can’t be good for me. So while I usually pride myself on taking full responsibility for my actions when it comes to this recent unquenchable thirst for deviled eggs I’m convinced there’s something more sinister, evil if you will at work. I’m thinking I need an exorcism to stop this madness but all I can think of is sprinkling Holy Vodka or Onion/Garlic Dip with Potato Chipmunion wafers (wait, is that more for vampires?) down my gullet to loosen the deviled egged handed grip Satan seems to have over me as of late. Yeah, that’ll probably work <insert eye roll>! Proof Satan exists, I’m addicted to deviled eggs! – Don’t Get Me Started!


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    • Sharyn's Slant profile image

      Sharon Smith 6 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA

      Hey Scott,

      Too funny! I'm cravin' em now, damn it! Best wishes with your "miracle baby."


    • Cloverleaf profile image

      Cloverleaf 6 years ago from Calgary, AB, Canada

      I love devilled eggs! There is a nice easy recipe here - They are a great little snack for anyone on a low-carb diet!


    • somelikeitscott profile image

      somelikeitscott 6 years ago from Las Vegas

      OH EA, You know EVERYTHING!!! After 23 years of trying with my same sex spouse I guess we were finally successful!!! ;)

    • profile image

      Earth Angel 6 years ago

      Dearest Scott, Your craving can easily be explained: you're pregnant! Blessings funny man, Earth Angel!

    • somelikeitscott profile image

      somelikeitscott 6 years ago from Las Vegas

      Thanks d.william, though we've never met, I trust you! Good to know about the whole cholesterol thing too!!

      I still write several times a week and post on my own site but due to the new hubpages rules and regs about duplication on the web (even when it's your own), only occasionally post here. So come on over to the site sometime or as one of my favorite artists put it, "Come over to the dark side, we have cookies!" Thanks for reading and writing comments!

    • d.william profile image

      d.william 6 years ago from Somewhere in the south

      funny article. And by the way, eggs have gotten a bum rap over the years. The small amount of cholesterol in them is actually the "good cholesterol". They are supposedly quite nutritious and actually good for you, and lower your "bad cholesterol". If you don't believe me, then read any one of my 5 hubs lauding the incredible edible egg. P.S. I am glad you are back writing on hub pages.

    • profile image

      Annette 6 years ago

      We need to start a support group. "Hi, I'm Annette, and I'm a deviled-egg-aholic."

    • somelikeitscott profile image

      somelikeitscott 6 years ago from Las Vegas

      hospitalera - really? I thought I was the only one who had no idea how to make these! I looked at so many sites I can't really remember which one I ended up using but I found the site, that has photos, step by step instructions and God only knows what else having to do with deviled eggs! Good Luck you fellow heathen!!!

    • hospitalera profile image

      hospitalera 6 years ago

      Hey ;-) Where is the idiot proof recipe? Care to share? SY