Proof Satan Exists, I’m Addicted To Deviled Eggs!
Deviled Egg Accessories!
I admit it, I can’t cook. Not only can I not cook, I can’t bake either. In fact, it would pretty much be fine with me if there were no kitchen in my home if it weren’t for the fact that I have a spouse who does cook (thus my ability to not only survive but constantly bitch about my weight due to the cooking that takes place in “that room” in our home). Although I’ll make feeble attempts occasionally, in most cases these attempts have been met with disaster or at the very least disdain from my spouse or others who have attempted to eat anything I’ve made. This being said, I recently had a taste for deviled eggs for some reason and I set out to prove to my spouse and myself that I could at least make these as they seemed as if they should be the easiest thing in the world to make, right? So while some may think it’s the fact that I was actually able to make something edible, as I made my second batch of deviled eggs this week I began to believe there were darker forces at work here. Proof Satan exists, I’m addicted to deviled eggs! – Don’t Get Me Started!
While many online seem to have differing stories as to why deviled eggs are called “deviled eggs” – some say that it’s due to the seasonings (there is paprika in them – or as my grandmother used to call it, “pepper-reeka” which is a reddish spice and if you equate red with Satan then I guess I get it) others say it has something to do with deviled ham. You remember those little cans with the devil on the side when we were growing up? Well this is what supposedly put the “deviled” into the eggs according to some. But I’m convinced that when I become addicted or obsessed with something, it’s just gotta be that guy, Satan. Who cares that I’m a Jew and don’t believe in Satan, I’m still willing to blame him in the name of the Father, The Son and the deviled eggs!
Now let me say that for years now I have been on the egg white only bandwagon. If I order an omelet, it’s always just egg whites. The Jimmy Dean sandwiches I eat every morning for breakfast (under 300 calories) only have egg whites and when I’ve had breakfast on the run at Starbucks I’ve only had the egg whitey selections. Hey, maybe that’s what this whole deviled egg thing is all about…maybe I’m yolk deprived? Maybe my body is craving the actual egg yolk because I’ve been depriving it of it for so long? Okay, probably not but worth the thought process.
The first time I made my deviled eggs (with the assistance of six gazillion recipes and step-by-step moron proof instructions from the Internet) I made four eggs which “yields” you (that’s a cooking term for those of you uneducated – insert eye roll) eight halves of yummy. Three days later they were gone and I boiled six eggs to which my spouse said, “What? Are you really making deviled eggs again? Didn’t you eat enough of those the other day?” I began to panic. I knew I had been discovered and like stuffing the empty bag of potato chips that I had consumed entirely by myself under some disgusting actual food garbage so my spouse wouldn’t look under it to find the bag, I knew I had to come up with a story. “Well, I really wanted egg salad but thought I would make some eggs for deviled eggs and use the rest for egg salad.” He just gave me one of “those” looks and moved to another room. Now here’s where those of you who actually cook know that I had come up with the dumbest story imaginable. Egg salad is really only deviled eggs mixed in a bowl so in essence it’s the same damn thing just different packaging. You know, like Kardashians, they’re all the same, no real talent just different packaging and a mother who is the best publicity Madame in the business!
So here I sit with three eggs turned into deviled eggs and the rest in a bowl of what frankly just looks like deviled eggs soup to me. I looked it up and supposedly two halves of deviled eggs are only about 90 calories so it’s not awful, right? But there was some sort of reason I wasn’t eating the yolks all these years, cholesterol, baldness, something I really can’t remember but I know they can’t be good for me. So while I usually pride myself on taking full responsibility for my actions when it comes to this recent unquenchable thirst for deviled eggs I’m convinced there’s something more sinister, evil if you will at work. I’m thinking I need an exorcism to stop this madness but all I can think of is sprinkling Holy Vodka or Onion/Garlic Dip with Potato Chipmunion wafers (wait, is that more for vampires?) down my gullet to loosen the deviled egged handed grip Satan seems to have over me as of late. Yeah, that’ll probably work <insert eye roll>! Proof Satan exists, I’m addicted to deviled eggs! – Don’t Get Me Started!
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An acquired taste, like Tab cola, Some Like It Scott is one gay man's experiences with love, life and things that make him crazy, all done to a musical theatre soundtrack.