Review: Bean Boozled by Jelly Belly, from the Beginning to Fiery Five
Jelly Belly, long known for creating an endless variety of flavors, went into unchartered territory starting in 2007 with the Bean Boozled line. The concept was to have relatively normal flavors mixed in with identical looking ones that are, shall we say, unconventional. (Some would say bad.) So let's travel through time and take a first-tongue look at all the flavors along with a description, because I've tasted Every. Single. One. Of. Them. (For better or worse.)
Past Editions of Bean Boozled
First, let's get the worst flavors out of the way.
- Skunk Spray: This one tasted like they used coffee flavor, but with a pungent aftertaste. Not a bad attempt, but not thoroughly convincing either.
- Baby Wipes: The smell of wet wipes everyone is familiar with is somehow converted to taste, with a sweet, chemically edge that did the trick.
- Pencil Shavings: I've never tasted lead. As a rule, kids should not be eating lead. But if I ever did, I imagine that this is what it would taste like: dull, chalky and metallic. (Yeah yeah I know, pencils are made from graphite.)
- Centipede: Rather than tasting like you're eating the actual bug, this tastes more like the bug's environment, a sweet and musty forest floor or the underside of a rotting log.
- Dirty Dishwater: This expertly concocted monstrosity really and truly tastes like bland tap water mixed with old food and soap, a real gag-worthy experience.
- Stink Bug: In my many times handling stink bugs I've never actually had one get scared and 'spray' me, so I can't objectively say what that would smell like. What I can say is that this flavor tastes of a slight hint of rotten egg, leading to sweetness and finishing with a spicy edge.
And then there are two supposedly bad flavors that I actually enjoyed.
- Ear Wax: I know, it sounds horrible, but trust me when I tell you that this bears no resemblance to what it sounds like. Even if someone did actually eat ear wax, I'm convinced it would taste nothing like this. It really tastes like nutmeg to me, so if you like eggnog or spices you might like this too.
- Black Pepper: Again, another spice that most people like. I know it's out of context in a jelly bean, but if you like strong black pepper flavoring, just ignore the social construct and enjoy.
There are other flavors too, such as rotten egg, booger, toothpaste, barf (later known as vomit), moldy cheese, canned dog food, stinky socks, lawn clippings, spoiled milk and dead fish. You can read my detailed analysis of these in my review of Bean Boozled 4th Edition. There have also been some specially branded versions of Bean Boozled described below.
Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans
- Dirt: That's basically what it tastes like, dirt, the only difference being that there's sugar in it. To put it another way, it tastes like sweet gravel.
- Sausage: Again, this is really what it tastes like. Because of the sugar, it reminds me of sausage or bacon on your breakfast plate when the syrup from your pancakes spills over.
- Soap: While this does taste chemically, I actually didn't mind it too much and wouldn't consider it a bad flavor. It tastes more like scented soap smells, rather than what soap would actually taste like, bitter.
This series has as its' theme the popular Minion characters from the Despicable Me movies. Among preexisting flavors renamed for the theme, a somewhat new one was introduced.
- Minion Fart: Due to the expected taste of such a flavor, I highly suspect the recipe is similar to that of the rotten egg jelly bean, and possibly the scent added to propane.
- Sriracha: This was the only flavor for me that fell within the realm of potential enjoyment. It starts out pleasantly hot and continues sweet. This is the only flavor I would choose to eat again, all the way that is.
- Jalepeno: Besides getting a little hotter, this one is a little less sweet that its' predecessor.
- Cayenne: For me, this one is too hot for comfort. It also has more of an abrasive edge.
- Habanero: This is the hottest naturally occurring pepper, and you probably shouldn't eat the whole thing even if you like hot foods, which I do.
- Carolina Reaper: Based on one of many more recent cross breeds that are exponentially more hot than anything found in nature (some would call them an abomination), just a brief, delicate chew of one bean was enough to keep me soaking my mouth with milk and water for many minutes on end, and it certainly assisted my bowels in clearing out the following day.
In conclusion, this is the only Bean Boozled product to have a warning on it regarding consumption by children, so just be mindful of this.