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The Incredible Celery Plant

Updated on April 24, 2019
Celery cross section
Celery cross section | Source

Celery Secrets Revealed

Few people are aware of the incredible impact of celery in the success of our armed forces. Not only does celery constitute a delicious battlefield treat, but this remarkable vegetable also possesses properties that had remained a secret until decorated U.S. General Herman J. Throckmorton discovered the use of this vegetable in the defense of ancient Greek City-States.

Celery Contributed to the Protection and Dissemination of Western Democracy

Persian soldiers were flummoxed when Thermopylae Greek defenders obstructed the Persian advance with slippery celery stalks
Persian soldiers were flummoxed when Thermopylae Greek defenders obstructed the Persian advance with slippery celery stalks | Source

Greek Defense of Thermopylae Allowed Greek Democracy to Survive and Influence the Development of Democracy Throughout the Western World

Few historians dispute the role of 300 heroic Spartans in delaying the advance of Persian hordes more than two centuries ago through the narrow canyons of Thermopylae. This delay allowed Athenian and Spartan generals the time to mobilize both nautical and land forces and drive the Persians from Greek lands. The subsequent survival of Greek democracy provided models of democratic structures that have influenced development of democracy over the centuries to the present time.

What had not been known prior to General Throckmorton's discovery of ancient Greek texts is that much of the delay of Persian forces was attributed to tons of slippery celery stalks that were laid in the path of advancing Persian forces. Said General Throckmorton, "When those Persian guys fell all over the celery, the Spartans moved in and finished 'em off."

Celery stalks and head
Celery stalks and head | Source

Celery Was Instrumental in U.S. Persian Gulf Victories in the 1990's

General Throckmorton first introduced the use of celery in tactical actions against Iraqi soldiers retreating from the battlefields of Kuwait in the first Gulf war. "We dropped tons of celery on either side of the roads back to Baghdad -- we hemmed those retreatin' varmints to a narrow slice of highway and our jets moved in and finished 'em off."

Dick Cheney Vetoed Use of Celery in Second Gulf War
Dick Cheney Vetoed Use of Celery in Second Gulf War | Source

DIck Cheney Vetoed Use of Celery in Second Gulf War -- However, He Advocates Its Use in the Advanced Interrogation of Terrorists

Prior to the US invasion of Iraq in 2003, U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney disallowed use of celery by the armed forces. Citing Geneva Convention restrictions, he said "I realize that although the immediate routing of the Taliban in Afghanistan following 9/11 was greatly aided by celery, world opinion forced us to abandon its use by the time we invaded Iraq in 2003."

When Vice President Cheney was asked how celery might be used in the interrogation of terrorists, he declined to provide specific methodology because of national security. Instead he replied "Refrigerated celery can maintain a very brittle composition for an extended period of time -- you figure it out."

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    • lundmusik profile imageAUTHOR

      lundmusik 

      9 years ago from Tucson AZ

      thanks eiddwen,, i'll follow yours as well...

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 

      9 years ago from Wales

      Very interesting indeed and a vote up here.

      I now look forward to reading many more hubs by you.

      Take care

      Eiddwen.

    • lundmusik profile imageAUTHOR

      lundmusik 

      9 years ago from Tucson AZ

      thanks so much,, coming soon,, celery and space exploration....

    • Brett.Tesol profile image

      Brett C 

      9 years ago from Asia

      Wow ... not at all what I was expecting! lol

      Voted up, interesting and funny.

    • lundmusik profile imageAUTHOR

      lundmusik 

      9 years ago from Tucson AZ

      thanks frogy,, you are now one of the few to understand the importance of celery in our military history

    • frogyfish profile image

      frogyfish 

      9 years ago from Central United States of America

      I think I slipped on the celery...but I love it! Fun read.

    • lundmusik profile imageAUTHOR

      lundmusik 

      9 years ago from Tucson AZ

      Few people understand the terrifying impact of a stalk of celery brandished at intruders,,, share this wonderful knowledge with friends and loved ones...

    • acaetnna profile image

      acaetnna 

      9 years ago from Guildford

      Gosh I had no idea that celery was this good. I love the flavour and its versatility in salads and casseroles etc. It always adds great flavour to dishes and now that I am aware of the benefits - awesome.

    • lundmusik profile imageAUTHOR

      lundmusik 

      9 years ago from Tucson AZ

      Now might imagine how a portion of celerty got the name "stalk"

    • North Wind profile image

      North Wind 

      9 years ago from The World (for now)

      Wow and all I did was eat the thing! But I really love celery especially in soups and potato salad :)

    • lundmusik profile imageAUTHOR

      lundmusik 

      9 years ago from Tucson AZ

      thanks rooskaya,, I've nominated this cool veggie as "National Plant" but apparently the tomato has already been chosen

    • Rooskaya profile image

      Rooskaya 

      9 years ago from USA

      Thanks for sharing celery secrets and contribution. Voted up.

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