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Casanova Cork Club

Updated on February 2, 2013

Welcome to the Casanova Cork Club

This light-hearted lens is devoted to an obscure male bonding group and irreverent imbibing society better known as the "Casanova Cork Club".

Besides being devoted to wine, women and song, it also offers a place of reflection and quiet repose for those who truly appreciate the wit, wisdom, and wonders of the grape vine (together with a tidbit of tarty tannins not to mention a few alluring amatory amusements thrown in for good measure).

By the way, who is Casanova anyway? Why he's the guru of great grapes of course!

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Image Credit: Ron Leishman - clipartof.com/437479

CASANOVA CORK CLUB PARTICULARS

Club Motto: "Life is too short to drink bad wine and date goody-two-shoes."

Club Mascot: Bacchus -- God of the Babes & the Bubbly

Club Meal: A big plate of fresh or smoked oysters. (It is said that Casananova consumed 25 oysters a day for breakfast, so that's the starting point for each club member).

Club Meetings: Held monthly any day of the week ending in "y" at wine-o'clock precisely!

Club Song: "Tiny Bubbles" (By Don Ho)

Note: Other sentimental sipping songs that didn't make the cut:

-- "Kisses Sweeter Than Wine" (This song fits in a category called, "peel me a grape".)

-- "The Days of Wine & Roses" (Due to the economic recession, red roses are a luxury men cannot afford.)

-- "Bottle of Red Wine" (Frankly, schlock in a bottle is not in good taste.)

-- "Wine Take Me Away" (If the truth be told, delerium for dudes is not a healthy habit.)

-- "Lilac Wine" (Drinking lilacs and smelling roses can cause tummy troubles...not a good choice.)

-- "Spill the Wine" (Clumsy courtesans and wanton whiners are not a good fit with our members.)

-- "Yesterday's Wine" (Get a grip, we never serve day-old wines!)

-- "Cherry Red Wine" (Too many folks disliked cherry-flavored cough syrup to make this a winner!)

-- "Red, Red Wine" (This may be amusing alliteration, but our members prefer more mirthful mouthfuls of merlot thank you!)

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Illustration Credit: Casanova by Salvador Dali

LET THE BUBBLY BASH BEGIN! - CELEBRATE 2012 THE YEAR OF THE DRAGON!

"Look Sweet Cheeks, do you really think that you're ready for a firey femme fatale?

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Image Credit: jlynn3187@flickr.com

We're Singing a Happy Tune These Days... - A Big Thank for the "Purple Star Award" from folks at Squidoo!

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Image Credit: www.clipartof.com - image 20690

"If penicillin can cure those that are ill, Spanish sherry can bring the dead back to life."

-- Sir Alexander Fleming --

SAM THE SIPPING SOUS-CHEF SAYS...

After too many years to recall as the second-in-command of fermented fruits and venerable veggies department (of a horizontal wine tasting hotel in beautiful downtown somewhere or other, serving the hard-to-please needs of the Casanova Cork Club, the Grand Grape Guzzlers Guild and the Dashing Don Juan Decanters Society ), the Sipping Sous-Chef has a few words of wisdom to share with new members of these mysterious men's merriment associations:

"If you don't like the fancy food, do me a big, big favor and have more wine!"

Harold Knows All About Hospitality! - After all, where else can you get vintage vines in the vein?

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Image Credit: Harold's Planet cartoon by Lisa Swerling & Ralph Lazar - harolds-planet.blogspot.com/2029.jpg

"Let us have wine and women, mirth and laughter!

-- Lord Byron --

THE MERITS OF JOINING THE CASANOVA CORK CLUB

1. You're among amusing fermented fruits, flakes and nuts... and may possibly a handful of soil-conscious sods.

2. You can wink at whomever you please ... to your heart's content or to your soul's desire...as long as you're willing to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune should the Fuck-Up Fairy drop by and dash your plans to smithereens.

3. You can let inner ice wine imp come out and play with your food.

4. You'll learn how to differentiate between piquant plonk and premium port.

5. You'll satisfy your amusing appetite for vintage vixens (also known as "vieilles vignes") and venturesome viticulture.

Note: Long-winded, loquacious and loudmouthed libational behavior will not be tolerated nor will garrolously-grunting grapists be admitted to the club which prides itself in hosting only the most impeccably irreverent sipping shindigs for men of good taste and merrymaking morales.

"Noah often said to his wife when he sat down to dine,

'I don't care where the water goes as long as it doesn't get into the wine'."

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G.K. Chesterton(1874-1936)

WITTY WINE WORKS

Absolute Corkers: A Wine Buff's Bedside Book of Anecdotes and Funny Stories
Absolute Corkers: A Wine Buff's Bedside Book of Anecdotes and Funny Stories

Casanova Cork Club members will really appreciate this together with a glass of "Bedside Bordeaux".

 
Waiter, There's a Horse in My Wine: A Treasury of Entertainment, Exploration and Education by America's Wittiest Wine Critic
Waiter, There's a Horse in My Wine: A Treasury of Entertainment, Exploration and Education by America's Wittiest Wine Critic

Every wondered how wine saved history, why the "Last Supper" wasn't exactly a blow-out bash, or whether Jesus could actually turn water into wine...well find out by reading this little gem!

 
The Cork Jester's Guide to Wine: An Entertaining Companion for Tasting It, Ordering It and Enjoying It
The Cork Jester's Guide to Wine: An Entertaining Companion for Tasting It, Ordering It and Enjoying It

Listen up people, a cork is not a fork, even if wine is served with food. Just get with the grapes please and learn how to sniff it, roll it around on your palate, and sip it without dripping any on your chin.

 
Oldman's Guide to Outsmarting Wine: 108 Ingenious Shortcuts to Navigate the World of Wine with Confidence and Style
Oldman's Guide to Outsmarting Wine: 108 Ingenious Shortcuts to Navigate the World of Wine with Confidence and Style

Ever wondered how to spot a bottle of full-bodied fruit worth teasing your tastebuds?

 
WineSpeak: A Vinous Thesaurus of (Gasp!) 36,975 Bizarre, Erotic, Funny, Outrageous, Poetic, Silly and Ugly Wine Tasting Descriptors
WineSpeak: A Vinous Thesaurus of (Gasp!) 36,975 Bizarre, Erotic, Funny, Outrageous, Poetic, Silly and Ugly Wine Tasting Descriptors

For those who need a brush-up on how to use a spittoon and impress friends with their knowledge of vintage vines and vixens.

 

Fermented Fruit Flavor of the Month

The Casanova Cork Club recommends only the finest fermented fruit flavors each month. Our selection is designed to meet the nature-conscious needs of an endangered sipping species -- frisky frogs-legs folks and ribbet red guzzling grape-lovers. Of course, this lovely little lip-smacking libation will also be appreciated by light-hearted libertines and lotharios!

Poll for Pinot People

When a person swirls a glass on a festive occasion and then stares at it, what the heck are they looking for?

See results

WIT AND WISDOM FROM A CONNOISSEUR OF THE CORK

W.C. Fields, the Patron Saint of Dandy Drinks for Dudes and the imbibing inspiration behind the esteemed "Casanova Cork Club", has more than a few words of wit and wisdom to pass along to the younger generation of metrosexual merlot-loving males:

I drink therefore I am.

I must have a drink of breakfast.

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.

I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming, besides it rusts the pipes.

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.

Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

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Illustration Credit: www.dickgautier.com

Wine a bit - You'll feel better!

Winespeak for Wine Wonks!

The Illustrated Winespeak: Ronald Searle’s Wicked World of Winetasting
The Illustrated Winespeak: Ronald Searle’s Wicked World of Winetasting

Ronald Searle's illustrations not to mention his wicked wine wit offer you a great introduction to the wonderful world of winespeak!

 

MINSTRELS & MERLOT-LOVERS WELCOME

The Casanova Cork Club welcomes males who can pluck flowers or play instruments with ease (with the exception of the bagpipes which are banned due to their shrill tones that remind many members of cacophonous caregivers, sadistic shrews, and wicked witches of all sorts).

Those who can hold a tune or sing in the shower are invited to join the Grape Escape Glee Club (which often performs "sparkling whine skits" to entertain members who have not enjoyed a botrytized blind wine tasting event in the company of a female companion in many, many moons.

CASANOVA

A word to the wise about how to truly appreciate fine wine!

FERMENTED FRUIT POLL

What fermented fruit would you be willing to sip on a first date?

See results

THE CATWALK COLLECTION

Marilyn Monroe, a pucker-up pussycat, known for her role in "Cat On A Hot Tin Roof" lives on in a luscious line of libations bearning her name.

1999 Marilyn Merlot
1999 Marilyn Merlot

Beware of tarty tannins!

 
1994 Marilyn Merlot
1994 Marilyn Merlot

Diamonds may be a girl's best friend but they're always open to a Grape Escape if you are!

 
1998 Marilyn Merlot
1998 Marilyn Merlot

Doesn't this just want to make you pucker up and purr!

 

What the Heck is a Drip Dicky?

A "drip dickey" is a wine accessory that slips over the neck of a wine bottle and absorbs any drips or dribbles that may run down the bottle after pouring - preventing stains to table cloths or one's brand new pair of late harvest wine leggings.

And, for those of you who have joined in the conversation late -- due to the heavy wine fog, all further thoughts have been temporarily suspended.

Wine Enthusiast Electric Blue Push-Button Corkscrew, Black
Wine Enthusiast Electric Blue Push-Button Corkscrew, Black

For those who don't want to lift a muscle or strain their pinky finger...there's always the high-tech electrick blue corkscrew!

 
Wine Opener with Hardwood Stand
Wine Opener with Hardwood Stand

Engineers rule the world, and it's easy to see why -- who else would design a study, sure-fire wine bottle opener with a hardwood handle?

 
Cork Pops 12237 Black Cork Pop I Original Wine Bottle Opener
Cork Pops 12237 Black Cork Pop I Original Wine Bottle Opener

Now here's a little power-packed wine bottle opener -- 60 bottles before replacing the cartridge!

 

"The best use of bad wine is to drive away poor relations."

-- French Proverb --

This Casanova Cork Club Member wasn't sure whether it was the mistletoe or the merlot that gave him an edge over his competitors

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Image Credit: Ron Leishman - clipartof.com/1043999

GRAPE VINE GREETINGS - So fellow fermented fruit lovers, what gorgeous grapes would you recommend one share on a first date?

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    • SandyMertens profile image

      Sandy Mertens 7 years ago from Frozen Tundra

      Congratulations on your Purple Star! Wonder lens. The pictures made me laugh.