- Food and Cooking
Delicious Fat Free Cake Recipe
Sweet "n" Skanky Granny
Before I share this recipe, I want you to read a story my Grandma told me about how she gave some of the '52 Yanks a hand release in exchange for an autographed ball!
Back in her day it was not socially acceptable for a married woman to whore herself around and for that I consider Grandma to be a pioneer. She loved her family above all and was willing to do whatever it took to help them out.
This cake recipe is a lot like her. It is creative, unique and just a bit disgusting. I hope you all enjoy and don't forget to participate in my survey! Thanks all.
Nostalgic stories from Grandma
How she met the Yankees!
My Gramps was a huge Yogi Berra fan and Grandma thought it would be nice to get him an autographed baseball signed by Mr. Berra.
As it turned out, Grandma got the entire team to sign the ball! My heart melts thinking about old gramps smiling ear to ear when she handed him the ball.
According to Grandma, she couldn't get into the stadium because she didn't have enough money, but a nice usher told her which hotel the ball players were staying at and even offered to drive her there after the game in exchange for quick hand release behind the peanut stand.
Once at the hotel, she told the bartender why she was there and for a quick hand release, he promised to introduce her to the players when they came down for a drink.
Around 9 o'clock that evening some of the players started trickling into the bar.
Grandma spoke with a few players who offered to get signatures from all the ball players provided they were able to run a train on her in the equipment manager's hotel room. She enthusiastically agreed; after all this was the Yankees for Christ's sake. A few hours later her mission was accomplished and she had every last Yankee's signature.
That story reminds me of home and how much I miss my old Grandma. We will always love you.
Everybody's a winner
You want a free kick in the ass?
Granny's Fat Free Cake Recipe
1 package Skittles (shelled)
2 Cups Sugar
3 Cup Flour
3 large cantaloupe rinds (ground up into a puree)
16 oz German chocolate
8 egg yolks
3 cups butter
3 tsp vanilla
4 cups coconut
1/2 cup boiling warm water
3 tsp salt
1/4 lb genoa salami
2 garlic cloves
1 package artificial crab meat (let pseudo crab meat out on countertop overnight before adding)
3 pieces whole wheat toast
Putting it all together
Step 1: Mix flour, eggs, salami and cantaloupe puree until there is a soup like consistency
Step 2: Add salt and Skittles
Step 3: Add melted butter, water soaked bread and garlic cloves
Step 4: Dump all of the chocolate into the bowl and mix everything together
Step 5: Gently sprinkle the vanilla and season to taste (I usually add a little more salt here)
Step 6: Pre-heat oven to 325 degrees
Step 7: Add remaining ingredients and pile all of this stuff into a cake pan
Step 8: Cook for 2 hours (flipping over half way through cooking)
Grandma's favorite products
Try this on for size
Hire a hooker
Time required: 14 minutes
Proof that nobody really reads my lens
Hello people that will never actually read this stupid lens. As an experiment I have created this lens, put the tags in place, promoted on Facebook, Twitter and asked that the Squidoo Forum please "critique" my lens.
By reading the comments, you see that few people actually read the lens, they just blindly like it or leave me some generic comment such as, "Great Recipe and story!" Really, this is about a ridiculously disgusting cake recipe and a story about how a grandmother gave hand jobs in exchange for an autographed baseball.
This is all a bunch of time that I have wasted. In conclusion I feel like this is one big pile of monkey shit and I wish I never got started with this crap.
I'm obviously a sore loser and not happy that I can't generate traffic and this is my passive aggressive way of dealing with this emotions. #armchairpsychologist #wastingmylife