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Prison Gourmet Cooking

Updated on January 11, 2009

Prison Gourmet Cooking - Ramen Recipes - Sauces

Prison cooking Inmate style. All ingredients can be ordered off of the Colorado Department of Corrections Canteen sheet, or sneak them back from the chow hall.

Asian Seafood Soup

This is as close to a gourmet meal as it gets

1 package ramen crumbled, 1 package peanuts crumbled, soy sauce, honey, garlic chili sauce, water.

Optional Some sort of fish. I found the mackerel with bones well worth the trouble to clean out the bones. A lot of fish in one packet. Clean the mackerel on newspaper and not in your cell or your cell mate may seriously get angry and your house will stink of fish.

Optional ingredients oysters, 1 orange peeled and segmented, celery and carrot sticks snuck back from the chow hall.

Substitution The Thai rice noodles available in some of the quarterly packages are far tastier in my opinion than ramen.

Microwave for about 5-7 minutes. As good as prison food can get. I made 2 portions on Easter when my friend Marvin had nothing and that was our holiday meal.

Barbecue Sauce

The hardest part about making your own barbecue sauce is rounding up enough ketchup and mustard packets, since meals that include them are rare.

Soy sauce, honey, pepper, sugar, garlic chili sauce, vinegar from jars of jalepenos, ketchup and mustard can all be used.

Honey adds more flavor than just sugar, but is really expensive. Use some honey if you can.

I normally had 2 different sauces. 1 more mustard based and 1 more ketchup based. I also tasted a hot mustard sauce which I believe was mostly mustard and garlic chili sauce.

Depending on what the 6 week meal schedule said the meal was I would choose between the mustard or ketchup barbecue sauce, Mexican hot sauce or the garlic chili sauce. The right condiment really helps and you are only allowed to bring 1 to chow.

Honey bottles are the best for making and storing your sauces. They seal up well and also have enough room to add things.

Hot Lemonade

As simple as it sounds, hot lemonade is a life saver. You can't go buy Theraflu in prison and it is a remarkably effective substitute. Good for sore throats, nagging coughs. A major cold can seriously sicken 50%+ of inmates since everyone is so packed together. Hot Tang is almost as good. Sharing some hot lemonade with sick people in prison is a good way to build relationships without people expecting you to join their gang.

Cracker - A dry ramen recipe

Take one package of dry ramen, crumble up. Add 1 teaspoon of water and the seasoning packet.

Microwave for about 8 minutes. I strongly suggest putting a glass of water in the microwave also so you don't kill the microwave. Let cool for 15 minutes.

Optional ingredients hot sauce and or cheese.

Chocolate Orange Drink

Tang and hot chocolate mix. Careful to not use too much Tang or it becomes grossly sweet. It tastes a lot like these chocolate oranges.

Unlimited fruit

Improving your diet in prison

Face it, the food in prison sucks badly. The cheapest way to improve your diet if you like fruit is buying cheap instant coffee and trading a sporkful for a piece of fruit. Some days I got 8 oranges.

Mouth Wash

Mouthwash doesn't really fit into food, however simple salt water is far better than no mouthwash.

Take care of your teeth, the waiting list for dental work in prison is months to years. Emergency dental can take months.

Cracker Toffee

Steal some butter from the chow hall. Layer crackers on the bottom with sugar and butter on top. Microwave on something other than plastic which melts.

Microwave with a glass of water so you don't kill the microwave. Sucks when your down to 1 microwave for a 100 people, or worse when the sadistic guards take them away to satisfy their anger.

After microwaving a few minutes, take a crumbled hershey bar with almonds, and put that over the top. The chocolate will melt. Wait 30 minutes and you will have the finest inmate toffee.

Coffee Maker far better than Hot Pot

The coffee maker is far better than the hot pot. It also makes coffee & grilled cheese sandwiches. Its also smaller. The bowl of the hot pot is plastic and tends to take on food flavors.

Diabetic snacks are the best source for bread and cheese, you can often find a trade for them, or buy both off the canteen sheets.

Coffee can be a powerful diuretic, especially if you haven't had any in the 2+ months it takes to get your coffee maker. The coffee colored water they serve in chow doesn't count.

Mac N Cheese

You can buy Mac N Cheese, but its more economical to get a bag of powdered cheese and 1 package ramen. The bag of powdered cheese is about $5, but goes a long ways.

Optional tuna or chili.

Caddilac - Coffee Drinks

Coffee and candy. Melt the candy into the coffee. Werthers, hot chocolate mix, creamer, peppermints, chocolate and candy bars can all be used.

Holiday candy in the quarterly canteen packages is great for this.

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    • trashisfree profile image

      trashisfree 7 years ago

      @williammason: Unless you are wholesale stealing from the kitchen the guards just take it away from you. Though they sent Webb for trying to sneak back like 10 pounds of hamburger patties.

    • profile image

      williammason 7 years ago

      That's a very amazing list of recipes but will the inmate know how to survive in prison if they get caught while sneaking the ingredients from the chow hall.?