I'd like feedback on my article: Bursitis in Our Bodies Do you Have It?

1. 60

   soups91posted 6 years ago

   Hi Hubbers,
   
   I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my article Bursitis in Our Bodies     Do you Have It? (must be signed in to view). What can I do to improve? Thanks!

   replyreport
   1. 70

      tomsmithnowposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Welcome! I just read the first part of your article and found that the second and third paragraphs are the same as the 1st paragraph so I didn't read it all. In your first paragraph, where the sentence starts as, "Also, people w/arthritis...", you should omit the 2nd "and" and start a new sentence with, "It can get..." You have the word "health" capitalized. You should put a period after painless and start a new sentence, "When bursitis starts ..." Looks like you need to put more words in that sentence too before feel, it can feel, maybe. You should put a colon after "such as" with the list. Put a period after bursitis, and start the next sentence with, Also (put in a comma too). I noticed your shoulder paragraph started a sentence with the word "which" which you shouldn't do. There were other things I noticed, but this is just a start. Maybe have someone proofread your article for you first. Good luck!

      replyreport
2. 0

   pen promulgatesposted 6 years ago

   Welcome to Hubpages.
   
   Firstly, you can rework your title and make it simpler. Something like 'How to Know If You Have Bursitis in Your Body'
   
   The article needs serious proofreading.
   Sentences are weird, long, grammatically incorrect, and difficult to understand.
   
   Your first sentence itself 'Almost anyone can get knee, hip, elbow bursitis although professions with a lot of repetitive motion, working above your head or on your knees will increase the chances of who gets it.' is long confusing, and incorrectly paraphrased.
   
   Rewrite as 'Almost anyone can get Bursitis in knee or hip, and elbows.'
   I can't comprehend what the second part of your sentence means.
   
   'the sac filled lubricating liquid called synovial fluid the reduces friction and irritation where the tendon meets the bone by secreting the lubricating synovial fluid through their lining called synovial membrane.' - very unclear in meaning and is grammatically incorrect.
   
   Write sentences in subject+verb+object form. That should make it simpler and clearer.
   
   Use apps like grammarly to pick up maximum errors.
   
   Reduce the outgoing links to two. (must be relevant to the topic).
   
   The amazon products must relate to the topic and you must write a description as to why you recommend buying it. You must recommend products you have used. Simply write in those lines.
   
   Hope these help.
   
   Good luck.

   replyreport
   1. 60

      soups91posted 6 years agoin reply to this

      thanks for the input I have edited

      replyreport