its been almost a year since my son died when will things start toget easier?

1. 51

   lonely mumposted 13 years ago

   its been almost a year since my son died when will things start toget easier?
   
   i have 2 other children and we are all finding it hard where do i start toget help from mainly for the children need them to be ok first before me.

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2. 72

   SteveoMcposted 13 years ago

   I suspect that you all could benefit from grief counseling.   There are some helpful programs and therapists located in most communities.  Grieving is a process and the more you know about it, the clearer it will become as to what your current or next phase will be.   
   Please seek some outside help with this issue, you don't have to do it alone.  Time helps, but actually working on the process is a lot faster and healthier.
   It is obvious from your question that you are ready to move toward acceptance.

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3. 85

   wychicposted 13 years ago

   The time frame differs for everyone...my cousin lost his 3 1/2-year-old son over two years ago and has only recently started getting back to a point of relative normalcy. Along with counseling, one of the things that has really helped him is being able to socialize with other people who have lost children, they have been able to give him a lot of excellent advice and form a mutual support group. The age of your other children will probably be a big factor in what will help them...perhaps talking to other kids who have lost siblings will help, or counseling combined with their being able to witness your own steps toward acceptance.

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4. 61

   ktrothposted 13 years ago

   First, I am so very sorry for your loss.  Losing a child, I believe, is the worst pain a person can experience.  I have not lost a child of my own, but I did lose my nephew eight years ago.  The first year was the worst, and I hope that brings you some consolation as you approach the end of the first year.  But for at least three years afterward, I would find myself crying at a song on the radio that reminded me of him, or in church with a certain hymn.  That doesn't happen as often as it used to.
   
   This is obviously a pain that will never go away completely, but in time, things will get easier.  If you find yourself in a deep depression or if things just don't seem to be getting easier at all, please seek counseling if you haven't already.  There is no shame in asking for help to get your through this terrible time.

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5. 86

   KCC Big Countryposted 13 years ago

   Lonely Mum, I'm so sorry you too have a lost a son.  Like you, I was concerned about my remaining child (in your case, children).   To be honest, I think helping her actually helped ME the most.  It helped me stay calm and as rational as I could be.  I wanted so much for her to accept his death and to not let it adversely affect her.  As others here have mentioned, grief counseling can be helpful for some.  I preferred to go online and chat with other mom's who had lost their children in similar circumstances.  To me, that was important because losing a child to an accident is different than losing a child to an illness.  Many of the feelings are the same, but there are differences that require additional conversations.  Only someone who has gone through it will understand.  Beyondindigo.com has a message board for just about every situation imaginable.  It's for any type of grief for any age.  It helped me tremendously.  Hang in there.  Time does help.  You'll get better adapted and the pain won't be quite so sharp.  Feel free to email me through the link in my profile if you want to chat.

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6. 78

   Karandaposted 12 years ago

   Is it possible to live on following the death of a child? We all expect to bury our parents but what happens when we are faced with having to bury our own offspring? We are consumed by grief but not in the normal sense or the natural progressive sense of somene older than us. read more

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7. 60

   Damiendarbyposted 12 years ago

   I shed a tear the moment I read this. I...as a parent myself, well, I do not think it will ever go away. The only success stories I have ever heard of involved metaphysical and spiritual happenings.
   
   For me, I was suffering horribly from a PTSD for a while, to the point I started to wonder how much of the wrenching experience was psychosomatic. Finally, one night, my diseased grandma (I believe) visited me in a dream, approached me gracefully, then looked at me almost puzzled but really concerned and asked...
   
   "What are you doing to yourself?"
   
   I got her point, and when I woke up the next day, a particularly nasty part of my PTSD experience stopped. She helped me to cease quite literally torturing myself and my body.
   
   May the soul of someone special relieve your heart, because in terms of losing a child, only a spiritual act can allow a parent to let go, and move on. Other than that it must takes years. If I lose my daughter...well...I probably shouldn't type that out.
   
   Bless you and your children, may you live long, happy, contented, peaceful, and prosperous lives x100
   
   --Damien

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