Is it ok not to like your in-laws?

1. 71

   mommyneal6posted 12 years ago

   Is it ok not to like your in-laws?
   
   My in-laws have hated me from the moment my husband and I started dating because his father did not like my dad back in from back in the day for BS reasons. (teens beinf teens) I have never done anything wrong to my mother and father in-law but I have finally given up on trying. Would you?

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2. 61

   Dee aka Nonnaposted 12 years ago

   No, you don't have to like them and unless your husband spend a lot of time around them you probably don't have to do that either, but do respect their positions as his mother and dad....I think that alone will make you the better person.  This is stictly my opinion.  I find that I can deal with almost anything if I don't lower myself to the other persons level just by respecting them in their place.

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3. 61

   Coach Julieposted 12 years ago

   You're never required to like anyone.  Having said that, you say you're tired of trying but you may want to consider trying something different.  Your husband's dad doesn't like your dad for whatever reason.  But you are not your dad.  Have you ever calmly sat with your father in law and asked him what it is about you specifically that he doesn't like?  I use the word calmly because I suspect there has most likely been an edge on any conversations you may have had with him.  And I'm not saying you're responsible for it if there has been. 
   
   Be yourself and try to see things from your father in law's perspective. That doesn't mean he's right but it will give you a little more insight into what he may be looking for from you.  It may be that this is a situation that is not fixable.  If not, move forward and work at not letting it become an issue between you and your husband. 
   
   Whatever happened between the two dads is between them.  If they want to waste their energy not liking each other, that is their issue and doesn't have to be anyone else's.

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4. 84

   CJ Andrewsposted 12 years ago

   I would have my significant other have a sit down.  If the reason for dislike is all the way back from high school or something.  Get over it and start being an adult.
   
   Your husband will know how to talk to his parents better than you.  He just needs to have the nerve to tell them - things have to change here.  I have chosen this woman as my wife and I want you all to get along etc.  So either you respect my decision and my wife and be civil or (alternative).
   And if he won't even stand up for the decision he made in being with you and he lets the tension and enmity build he isn't acting like a mature adult in a relationship.

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5. 79

   K. Burns Darlingposted 12 years ago

   I have always thought that feelings had no real right or wrong, only actions. Therefore, I think that if you really don't like your in-laws, it is neither right or wrong.  How you handle that feeling would be the thing that could be classified in the right or wrong category; It woud be wrong to beat your husband over the head with the fact that you don't like them, they are afterall his parents.  It would be wrong to be overtly rude to them, again because they are your husband's parents.  It would be wrong to discuss it with your children, because they are your children's grandparents, (and if they are just purely rotten human beings, your kids will figure it out for themselves...trust me, kids are pretty perceptive about these things) If it were me, I would treat them a civily as possible, (somewhat like you might treat an acquaintance or a stranger) and I would recuse myself from any disagreements between my in-laws and my husband claiming bias as my excuse.

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6. 84

   Jackie Lynnleyposted 12 years ago

   I looked over mine and just made the best of it. When I decided something in everyone's life makes them the way they are but it can be very hurtful when your spouse never comes to your defense, but you live and just try your best to not be like them. So yes it has to be OK but you don't have to show it, it certainly won't help matters.

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7. 61

   lovelife08posted 12 years ago

   You can love someone and still not like them.  It is very possible.  I don't like some of my own relatives, but I love them because they are such.

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8. 61

   Ashantinaposted 12 years ago

   Its ok not to like them. And do not try to make them like you. But respect them for the sake of your husband and your child[ren].

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9. 60

   Ludivineposted 12 years ago

   Oh yes it's ok, as long as everyone stay polite and respectful towards each other. Especially if there's grand kids involved. I am in the same exact situation than you, unfortunately....my mother-in-law dislikes me very very much. I have learned that constant arguing doesn't work. I keep our relationship as distant as I can. I say Hi, Bye and try to keep conversations to a minimum to avoid drama... they are good with my children and my husband and his mother are very closed. I don't want this unhealthy relationship i have with my in-laws affect my marriage anymore so as hards as it is, I chose to think and stay quiet. it took me almost 10 years to be able to put the past aside and move on this way.

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10. 61

    shanayaposted 12 years ago

    You haven't done anything wrong with them as you said above. but still they keep hating you then There is no signed contract or what ever that you HAVE TO like them..but just for your husbands sake you should respect them.that's all i wanna say.

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11. 60

    ChristineVianelloposted 12 years ago

    Sorry to hear your having in-law problems. From what you said it seems like your in-laws are not going to ever ease up on you. Have you ever tried talking to them about your fellings?

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12. 0

    jasper420posted 12 years ago

    you cant please everyone you are not requried by marrage to like your inlaws your relashoship with your husband is all that sould matter

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13. 61

    JDeAngelisposted 12 years ago

    It's the law to hate your in-laws. I don't know of anyone who actually gets along with their in-laws.
    
    It's perfectly fine to hate your in-laws, just keep your distance and visit on special occasions, the less communication the better.

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14. 93

    sangreposted 12 years ago

    It's obvious they need to grow up. Ignore them, you can't change them this late in their life, it's their loss they aren't mature enough to get to know you as a person.
    
    Just because they don't like the parent, doesn't mean they should take it out on the child.

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15. 60

    Dave Mathewsposted 12 years ago

    If you are living with them you have no choice. If not they don't matter

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16. 61

    nancymeposted 12 years ago

    Maybe. But it's always better to be make things work out no matter what. I don't know but i think things will get better. I have seen my friends with the in-law issues. They have tried and made things work. But yeah there still are quite a few who are really hard to please.

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