How do you know when you are settling for less in a marriage?

1. 71

   Ann Marie Dwyerposted 12 years ago

   How do you know when you are settling for less in a marriage?
   
   What makes you think you have to marry this person as opposed to the "Right" person? And how do you know this person does not measure up to the "Right" standard?

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2. 87

   Cardisaposted 12 years ago

   The moment you start questioning yourself, similar to this question, then you know that maybe you are not marrying the 'right' person. When you are marrying the right person you will know in your heart because it feels right. No questions. Everything about it feels 'right'. If you have doubts then maybe you should wait until you are sure.

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3. 59

   juiwei2000posted 12 years ago

   Simple, when you know you can do better then the guy you married

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4. 81

   dashingscorpioposted 12 years ago

   The first thing everyone needs to do before merging their life with another is figure exactly who they are and want they want from a mate. If you don't at least have a mental list of the traits and values desire then it's easy to let "chemistry" or "circumstances" sway your decision making process.
   Some folks have actually gotten married simply because "it was time" or they felt it was "the next step" after being in a relationship for a while. Others marry someone knowing this person is not their ideal mate but they believe he or she has "potential". When it does not pan out they become frustrated. I've only heard of one person who was able to "change water into wine".
   
   If you go to the store to purchase an apple but buy an onion instead...Whose fault is it? The key is to make (your own shopping list) and then have the discipline to stick to it. Not knowing what you want up front can lead a person to settling without realizing it. One other point worth mentioning is there's a difference between "settling" and becoming "realistic" about one's expectations. No one is "perfect".
   Having said that it also is possible to know what you want at one age or stage in your life but overtime your desires change. You have to express/communicate your wants and check in with your mate to see if they are open to moving into the same direction. Whether the answer is yes or no it's important to remember, "You are responsible for your own happiness". If you want something different you have to do something different.

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5. 60

   Dave Mathewsposted 12 years ago

   you are settling for less, when you are not getting more.

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6. 59

   kessposted 12 years ago

   You are settling for less when you are unwilling to give your best...
   
   It is not about the right guy, but its about the right you...
   The guy will be who he is and the right one for you is already with you.

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7. 77

   L. Childreeposted 12 years ago

   Ignoring those doubts and marrying them anyway causes you to end up feeling trapped. Everyone may get cold feet but not everyone spends weeks or months thinking that they aren't sure that they want to spend the rest of their life with someone. When the feeling isn't fleeting then it's the wrong match.

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8. 60

   shea duaneposted 12 years ago

   I know so many women who marry for $$$, and are really unhappy. And I know so many men who marry pretty and then are shocked when the marriage fails. One friend of mine was really bi#$hing about her husband and what a jerk he is, so I asked her, "Why did you marry him?" She answered, "Why does anyone marry anyone?" Another friend of mine said she married her husband because she thought he'd be a good provider. My boss married a man who makes a lot less money than she does and she says, "He won my heart!" That marriage will last forever.

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9. 71

   Seek-n-Findposted 12 years ago

   Marriage is not easy.  I think that commitment is one of the most important factors in a marriage and if you have any doubts going into it, it's like those backdoors for a way out are already there.  If your frame of mind leaves room for it not to work or doubts that he may not be right, then I would be very surprised if it did work.  You need to know that the person you are going to marry is somebody that you are willing to commit to and love NO MATTER WHAT!  If you don't think you can do that, then I'd start taking steps to figure out why.  What is it about him that causes doubt?  What is it about you that may be a factor?  Are there areas you still need to heal in/figure out in your own life?  Search deep down--you know what is good for you--pay attention to that inner-voice.  It's there for a reason!

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