My boyfriend is nearing his 30s and I am in my early 20s, but he says he is not

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   Tracey35posted 12 years ago

   My boyfriend is nearing his 30s and I am in my early 20s, but he says he is not "ready" to propose?
   
   We have been in a long distance relationship of 2½ years, we see each other frequently and know each other very well. Once I am done with my studies I was planning to move to him but I don't want to leave my friends and family behind for someone who can not even talk about the future, or engagement or marriage. I know I am young and could probably find someone who will cherish the floor I walk on, but I love him.

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2. 0

   theSimpleOneposted 12 years ago

   Try it for a half year or so, then see if it works out. If you both really know each other well and you love him, separation from family is normal, friends stay friends, and you'll get together when you want to, as they'll be facing the same thing.
   
   I don't know if he's just not a man that likes to throw around promises when he's not sure of something yet, or is not ready for marriage. If it's the second case, then considering the age difference you should understand that his traits and personality is much more developed and is more stable, that means that changing it is almost impossible, as he might even consider his age a superior factor when deciding something for the both of you. Can't really say much from what you've told.
   
   Love for a 20yo is actually just having someone care about him, being close and understanding. As long as he gives you everything you want, he's everything you need. I can see that he hadn't tripped in doing so, so your attraction to him remains strong, just don't let that overtake your mind.

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3. 79

   dashingscorpioposted 12 years ago

   The best of marriages start off with (both) people wanting to be married to one another.  Your statment "I know I am young and could probably find someone who will cherish the floor I walk on, but I love him." reminds me of the following quote.
   
   "We ignore those who love us and adore those who ignore us".
   You don't want to fall into a trap of "pursuing" someone who does not want you.
   
   Keep in mind men don't get caught up with being (near age 30) and not being married. We never doubt that we could get married if we chose to do so. It's not a major "goal" in our lives. It's a "given" if we want it. Being in your early 20s... What is your rush in getting married? Most college age kids have not lived long enough to figure out who they are let alone the type of person they want to spend the rest of their lives with. Earn your degree, start your career path, and see where that takes you.
   
   You also mentioned this is a long distance relationship. Again I must point out there is a difference between 2 1/2 years (Calendar time) and (Actual time) "spent together". Even if you saw each other 2 weekends a month it is only 8 days out of 31. All told you're looking at about (7 months) of actual time together.
   If he thought you were "the one" he would propose to you. If you thought he was "the one" you wouldn't be worried about leaving your family and friends behind.

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4. 72

   lburmasterposted 12 years ago

   That is nothing, sweetheart. But 2 1/2 years isn't much for a couple. I've known some couples who are together for 5-7 years and finally got married at the end.  Also there could be a larger space in the age gap between you two. Males do not advance as quick as girls. Their minds finish growing at 30 while female brains finish around 25. My boyfriend is turning 32 next month and he is not even considering marriage.
   Love is an emotion. It is matter. "Mind over matter". Yes, leaving him will hurt. But if it helps you, it is the best choice. Is being with him helping you? Do you really need to get married?

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5. 53

   skytreeroadposted 10 years ago

   Listen to these words:... Long distance relationship...studies....friends.... family.. You say you love him, but here you are with your whole life ahead of you in a Long Distance Relationship. If you have been studying and being around friends and family there is not much time to 'see each other frequently' and to 'know each other very well'. Tell him you would like to be roommates for a while, keep all monies separate. If he wants to pay all of the rent get it in writing. If he wants to buy you a car, get it in writing, and all other bills too. Watch a week of court tv and you will have a better idea of what to keep separate and what to get in writing. And maybe it is not him. Maybe it is you. Maybe your maturity level is not as high as you are predicting.

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