Should my fiancee still go to his exes house to discipline their child?

1. 51

   michelleleetxposted 12 years ago

   Should my fiancee still go to his exes house to discipline their child?
   
   My fiancee chooses to be the disciplinary and feels like it is his duty to do so even when his son is with his mother.  He will go to her house to discipline his child if necessary.  I don't agree with it.  I feel like the parent in which the child is in the care of at the time of the offense should do the discipling.  Am I being ridiculous?  I don't think I should have to endure that for the next 13 years.  Too much back and forth.  I say it's a control issue.  He says it isn't. Help!

   replyreport
2. 61

   nutubaposted 12 years ago

   This is a little bit tricky, but because your fiancee is the boy's father, your fiancee should remain involved in his son's life. However, he shouldn't be involved only as a disciplinarian. I agree with you that the discipline should come from the parent who was with the boy when the "crime" was committed. I've always thought it was asinine to use the "just wait until your father gets home" threat when disciplining children. If the mom is the one present when it happens, then the mom can administer the discipline.

   replyreport
3. 60

   danajconnellyposted 12 years ago

   Yes, even though he is starting a life with you he still has a family, even if he isn't with the mother of his child anymore.  However if you feel that he is going over there for "other" reasons its absolutely something you need to confront, calmly. The more you try to dictate his relationship with his son the more you may find yourself at odds with him.  You are joining an existing family and need to understand the strings and compromises that comes with.  Good luck to you.

   replyreport
4. 60

   pfenbyposted 12 years ago

   I understand that a father would want to be apart of their child's upbringing & good on him for that. Travelling to see his child to discipline them when he isn't there though seems a little extreme. Parents need to put themselves in the shoes of the child sometimes to get a sense of whether what they are doing seems logical. If one of the only times you saw your Dad, was when he came to discipline you, I'm sure over time you wouldn't be overly enthused to see him.
   
   Another thing though, if the parents didn't stay together for whatever reason, depending on the level of communication you have with your child they can act up or what they call behavioural issues. A child knowing that the Father will come back to where his Mother is every time they act up can be the child's way of having their parents in the one place. They may need to communicate with their child better in regards to the situation & give them plenty of reassurance.

   replyreport