What burdens you more? Having to forgive someone or wanting someone to forgive

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   MsDoraposted 11 years ago

   What burdens you more?  Having to forgive someone or wanting someone to forgive you?
   
   Or does it not bother you at all?

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   SidKempposted 11 years ago

   Now, neither. But that has taken 40 years of challenging myself with spiritual work, learning to forgive all and learning not to hold onto any pain arising from the lack of forgiveness or hurtfulness of others.

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      MsDoraposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I think I know what you mean, Sid.  It does take work and I'm glad you have matured.

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   dashingscorpioposted 11 years ago

   Generally speaking I would say asking for forgiveness is more difficult. One has to lay their ego down and admit they did wrong or made a mistake. The person in the position to forgive stands on higher ground in these situations.

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      MsDoraposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I hear you, dashing.  I think that the attitude of the forgiver (on higher ground) helps to make asking for forgiveness burdensome or not.  You're right.  It can be difficult.

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   wicked_loverposted 11 years ago

   Neither burden me.  They used to, at one point in my life, but no more.
   
   Forgiveness is the key to just about every problem.  Forgiveness of others and most importantly, forgiveness of ourselves.
   
   One doesn't need to know HOW to forgive, they just need to be WILLING to forgive.  Holding on to past hurts, anger and resentment is useless.  Those who do are only hurting themselves.

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      MsDoraposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      ". . . doesn't need to know HOW . . . just need to be WILLING."  I like that.  Very mature.  Thanks for your input.

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   Motherbynatureposted 11 years ago

   That is a good question.  I don't think I have ever dealt with someone denying me forgiveness.  I'm usually pretty good at expressing my apologies because I know that my refusal to apologize makes it that much harder for someone to forgive me.  Not that an apology guarantees forgiveness but it's a start.  I am currently trying to forgive someone for something they seem to make a habit of doing.  In this case the person does apologize but they also repeat the behavior.  I think that in any case, sincerity is the key.  It is so much easier to forgive someone who is obviously sincere and remorseful for what they have done.  It doesn't make forgiveness instantaneous but it takes 25 miles off of a 100 mile run.

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      MsDoraposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Hope it goes will with you and that person, and that your forgiveness encourages a change in their behavior.

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   Tonipetposted 11 years ago

   To me, wanting someone to forgive me takes a lot of energy than having to forgive someone. I can't force people to forgive me and it would take a lot of me to hope and pray they'll do, than when I have to forgive someone. Very engaging question, thank you MsDora.

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      MsDoraposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for you input, Tonipet.  So why worry about someone forgive us when we can't make them do it? But suppose we really want to restore our relationship with that person?  Wouldn't you be wishing that they forgive you? Just asking.

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      Tonipetposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I would always want to be forgiven, that is why it takes a lot of me to hope and pray because I tend to put my might in hopes and prayers that I'd be forgiven. I'd never stop praying for that person as I believe GOD hears prayers and HE heals hurts.

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   lburmasterposted 11 years ago

   I don't feel burdened in forgiving someone, because I never forgive them. Usually. The small things are usually ignored. Being forgiven is worse but only for a few days.

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   followthestrayposted 11 years ago

   For me the burden is in NOT being able to forgive. 
   
   When you really forgive someone you let go of the stress and baggage that comes with not letting go of things.  To forgive someone is as much for you as it is for the person you're forgiving; who wants to feel anger/hurt/resentment all the time?
   
   Sometimes it is *difficult* for me to forgive, but I always do my best to try to move on.
   
   As for someone not forgiving me, I just feel sorry for them.  Especially if I am genuinely sorry and have moved on myself.  If they wish to dwell on the past, then that's *their* time wasted.

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      MsDoraposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Someone commented earlier about forgiving that being willing is more important than being able.  You seem to be doing pretty well, follow.

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   Miss Tiffposted 11 years ago

   Wanting someone to forgive me seems to bother me more. You can control if you forgive someone or not but you can't control if someone chooses to forgive you.

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      MsDoraposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I can identify that.  Sometimes it is really important to us to feel forgiven.

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