Controlling our child with so many do's and dont's will affect their personality

1. 61

   devisreeposted 11 years ago

   Controlling our child with so many do's and dont's will affect their personality.What do you think?
   
   In order to develop individual personality I think parents must  give their children freedom.

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2. 0

   whowasposted 11 years ago

   I agree with this.
   
   All children need proper boundaries and guidance for their sense of well-being and healthy development but...there are helpful and unhelpful ways of going about it.
   
   To constantly blame, criticize and impose unexplained rules and regulations (the awful 'because I say so!') will not only damage your child but cause irrevocable damage to your relationship with the child. Especially if your attempt to control who they are and how they behave is based on threats of violence and laying on a burden of guilt or demanding obedience and sacrifice in return for your love. That's bad parenting of the first degree.
   
   Talking things through, listening carefully, admitting when you are wrong, giving praise, explaining rules, allowing the child freedom to make her/his own mistakes and helping them learn by those mistakes in an atmosphere of love and trust. Seeking always to collaborate rather than control and being prepared to trust your children and acknowledge their individuality: that's good parenting.
   
   Our children are not our property. They didn't ask to be here. They don't owe us anything. Love them, trust them and work with them rather than against them to live their lives to their own satisfaction.
   
   Thanks for the question. Be happy.

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   1. 72

      backporchstoriesposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Yes!  Very well said!

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3. 67

   sarahmooseposted 11 years ago

   I agree with this to a point, but can see where giving them too much leeway can cause issues. I was given a set of rules to live by, not overly strictly, but the outcome when I did was always positive, so I learned to follow the guidelines set out. We have set our daughter 3 rules that are important in life, and she loves to follow these:
   
   1. Do as you are asked
   2. Try hard
   3. Be nice to people
   
   She is turning into a well adjusted child, with a capacity to learn and adapt, she is not rude, does not use bad language and a lot of our friends comment on how well behaved she is. We do have the odd tantrum at home, but it is limited to this time.

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4. 72

   backporchstoriesposted 11 years ago

   There is no doubt that as we raise our children, we tell them the dos and don'ts and try no so much control them but steer them.  This is all part of character building.  Our children are shaped and molded by parents, family and those close influences around them.  Of course we want to give our children some breathing room so they develop within their ownself, however you first have to lay down a foundation for that child to walk upon or growing up can become very unstable.  Without some kind of guideline, the child will not be armed enough to make critical decisions without getting seriously hurt!  I will certainly not take a child to a swimming hole and throw him in and say, "good luck learning about water".  There is a chance he will figure it out before he drowns, but more than likely, he will drown because he has been given no directions.  As the child grows older, he earns more freedom and develops more into the individual that he is going to be.  There is a fine line of when to lay back and let the child learn, but again, first there must be a solid foundation built for him to walk upon and that comes from Mom and Dad saying yes and no!

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