Have you or do you display compassion to those who bully or harass you?

1. 84

   Express10posted 11 years ago

   Have you or do you display compassion to those who bully or harass you?
   
   I ask because someone asked a question about how to handle bullies and an answer was to treat them with compassion. The person saying it has a truly wonderful heart and very smart mind from what I've seen. I on the other hand prefer to avoid people who are bullies/prone to harassing people or fight fire with fire if needed. How about you?

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2. 85

   SidKempposted 11 years ago

   I think that avoiding habitually bullies is the first step of compassion. The essence of compassion is "may you be free from suffering." When someone bullies someone else, he or she is suffering and making others suffer as well. When I don't let you hurt me, that is an act of strength, and an act of compassion!
   
   If we step back with compassion, that is not running away. We come from a place of courage and strength, "I'm not going to let you bully me."
   
   If we really settle into this strength, then the next step is within ourselves, to pray or meditate for release from fear, opening up to love for them.
   
   Then, when we are strong and feel love for them, we may be actually able to contact them and let them know that they don't need to hurt other people, that there are better ways of being.
   
   It's taken me decades to learn to do this, but it's worth it. Without it, I would not be in touch with my own birth family at all.

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   1. 84

      Express10posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      You said it best when you said "may you be free from suffering." I cannot allow myself to be hurt by others, there is no need to self-sacrifice for pain that you don't even deserve. Great answer.

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3. 85

   prettynutjob30posted 11 years ago

   I try to avoid bullies as well I have no compassion for people who torture other people.Being a bully is pointless and why would someone think it is alright to make someone feel bad just because they do.

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4. 58

   ajcorposted 11 years ago

   short answer - No compassion from me....not now not ever...
   
   Why would anyone is their right mind offer compassion to people who have ruined their days of earning an income? - and again in more realists terms what is the impact of a personal income loss of $80,000.00 pa  X say 5 years?
   
   All one hope for is that what goes around comes around...and in spades. It seems that no one is really "doing" anything about this huge problem - not for the individual not for the workplace or the Schools - it appears to me that there is huge epidemic of vile behaviour running rampant and what is more being allowed to do so.
   
   All I can say is that the results of the bullies having a field day at other people's expense is in God's Hands...

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   1. 84

      Express10posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I am totally with you. I know people who show compassion & by keeping the jerk close, the jerk gets info they otherwise wouldn't have and use it to their advantage. I associate with people who don't have negativity as a motive in their interactio

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5. 79

   ii3rittlesposted 11 years ago

   The best way to deal with enemies is to kill them with kindness. No evil way can stand firm and tall when real love is present. When I was younger, a girl punched me in the face quite a few times... I just turned my cheek. Her other friend held her back and kept telling me to hit her. I said no, if she feels the need to hit me then fine but I wont hit her back. She ended up getting so mad she just left. About a half hour later, she felt horrible and apologized. I said I already forgot about it. I didn't know what was going on in her life or why she was so angry, but I wasn't going to give her what others have her whole life. I showed love and compassion. Fighting fire with fire only makes more fire. I have done it both ways and fire only makes things worse, in my opinion.

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6. 59

   Steve Orionposted 11 years ago

   By not smiting them, I display compassion.

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   1. 0

      Larry Wallposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Your approach is good, but often the situation is not one on one with a bully. They travel in packs, a leader and a follower. Cyber bulling has made the problem worse because the culprit cannot always be identified.

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   2. 84

      Express10posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Larry Wall you are correct, they love bullying and harassing people online because they can hide their identities and if in person, they have to have bystanders who won't stand up to them to get their jollies.

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7. 47

   DDEposted 11 years ago

   I haven't had such an experience but in my opinion I would pity someone who bullies others.

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8. 0

   Larry Wallposted 11 years ago

   For some people, like me, dealing with bullies has been a life long vocation. I have written hubs about this. Short version, as a young child I was speech impaired and could not pronounce my name correctly. I have worn glasses all my life. My home like was less than ideal. I had bad teeth because of medications, prescribed, my mother took when she was pregnant with me. My coordination and fine motor skills were slow in developing--so I was the target of some bully or group of bullies from the third grade through high school. I did my best to avoid them and tolerated what I had to, since reporting it would produce no punishment for them (my word vs. their word) and they would just make things worse. Some girls were also bullies, because if you tried to talk to them they laugh and look at you with utter contempt.
   
   I manage to finish college and have two successful careers as a reporter and in public relations. Today, I am running into a new kind of bully. They are in politics. They are in the national media and they are on Hub Pages. Most of them are for legalizing marijuana, think the government is just one big conspiracy, believe that all sorts of scientific secrets are being kept from us, still blamed events that happened 50 years  ago for all the problems today and will debate you, sometimes with questionable evidence that cannot be completely backed up or just say you are wrong and move on. The First Amendment rights that helped me to be a good reporter, allows these people to say what ever they please.
   
   This is already too long. Compassion is all right in that you can pray for them. They will not be appreciative.
   
   There are a lot of neighborhoods in the HubPage Community. The neighborhood I am in respects other opinions. For the most part they believe in God. They become friends. You will not find that in all the neighborhoods. If you wander into one you will soon know and it is best to just to stick to the messages you want to deliver and not deal with their conspiracies, pro drug, anti-business, anti U.S. attitudes. They do need prayers. It is not a matter of running away from bullies. I never did that. I just ignored them when I was in school. As an adult, a senior citizen at that, I do the same and hope that some day they will mature.

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   1. 0

      Larry Wallposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I may have failed to answer the question. I feel compassion for bullies. I assume they have a personal problem, an inferiority complex or were dealt their own tough had in life. I pray to be understanding that they have their own set of problems.

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   2. 84

      Express10posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Everyone has problems but that doesn't excuse bullies/harassers of any age. Perhaps I am a "bad" person for avoiding these types at all costs or calling them out when needed. I can't show compassion to bullies but I do show compassion to many others.

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   3. 0

      Larry Wallposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I agree showing compassion is hard and that does not make you a bad person. The main thing to do is to never sink to their level. If you do, then they have won.

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9. 73

   Rosana Modugnoposted 11 years ago

   First of all, I never engage people that bring negativity or toxicity.  With that said, my favorite motto fits well here;  Nemo Me Impune Lacessit, Latin for;  No one attacks me without impunity.

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   1. 84

      Express10posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      It's good to see that many other people avoid negativity and those who bring pain to others. I have yet to see a bully that doesn't have many skeletons in their closet.

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10. 36

    edhanposted 11 years ago

    Compassion will touch the bully's heart.
    
    Being a bully means the person does not have much attention or caring. It shows that the bully wants attention. So with compassion, it will make him feel that it is wrong to be a bully to gain attention.

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11. 39

    ChristinSposted 11 years ago

    I ignore bullies, because what they want is attention and control.  When we ignore a bully they get neither.

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       SidKempposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       I wish this were true. But, shen bullied in high school, I ignored them. They go their attention & control by trapping & hurting me while others watched, and that attention gave them joy. My mom's advice, "ignore them & they will quit" to

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       ChristinSposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       I was bullied in high school also, I did ignore them and eventually they got tired and moved on to someone else.  I will not indulge a bully.  My experience was different.

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    3. 84

       Express10posted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Quite often bullies will only push further when ignored, sometimes they will quit. I was once bullied to the point that I skipped a couple weeks of school and almost flunked out despite having a great GPA prior to it.

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    GNelsonposted 11 years ago

    When I was in school you either put them down or put up with them.  Compassion was never part of the equation.

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    1. 84

       Express10posted 11 years agoin reply to this

       I avoid them or call them out. I am overly tolerant until I can't take any more and I make enough of a scene so they don't do it again. They know what they are doing is wrong b/c they most often won't allow it to be done to them.

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13. 0

    danielabramposted 11 years ago

    Ignore them. Move on. Say thank you sarcastically. Smile. Laugh.

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14. 52

    elsiebethposted 11 years ago

    I avoid a bully as much as possible.  I haven't found that hard to do as they just don't seem to bother me.  My daughter is autistic and from the time she was a toddler some kids have tried to bully her.  She loves it.  She treats their bulling as a game.  They make fun of the way she talks and she turns the tables and tries to get them to talk like she does.  When they don't come close she laughs, and laughs and soon she has them laughing.  She is awkward and they try to make fun of her movements, but they can't do most of the flips and twirls and spins that she can't seem to stop doing.  She never sits still and she challenges them to rock as fast as she does.  They fall down and she keeps rocking.  They get so interested in how she does things she can't stop doing that they just give up.  She is always happy and laughing and just refuses to take a bully seriously.  I used to worry about her but she takes care of herself.  I've learned she can do that better than I can when the kids are around her age.

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       Express10posted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Awesome, sounds like your daughter is a trooper.

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15. 70

    greenerydayposted 11 years ago

    Try to avoid, keep a distance, do whatever you can to stop them from harassing you,  there is always law behind any unnecessary bullying acts in other words you can ask cops, lawyers, or other authority to give you protection, bottom line is don't let anybody to push you around, you have the same right as anybody else to have a peaceful meaningful life...

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16. 83

    tsmogposted 11 years ago

    Bottom line is I tolerate them while offering compassion on a need basis. At times discernment is needed. I agree with SidKemp, yet I realize day to day contact means withdrawal through avoidance may not be practical. Even though I both witness and know its experience, bullying can be hard to define sometimes. Other times it is very obvious. I have encountered some very meek and gentle persons who were the most ruthless bullies I have ever met. And, I know some who are very strong willed and demanding, yet are not bullies.
    
    One of the most revealing classes taken in the past is a Sociology class focused on Women's Issues. From that a common trait learned of bullying is interrupting the speaker in social interactions. Apparently this is a learned trait too. This once was a common trait with the male gender when exercising a position of authority, yet is not exclusive.
    
    Explaining further I have a diagnosis of bipolar disorder. I tend to be more hypomanic than depressive with those two common swings in that diagnosis. I have been accused of being a bully or bulling because I interrupt when in a hypomanic state. A common symptom is rapid thoughts, which fosters jumping into a conversation and completing others sentences before they do. I interrupt.
    
    Consequently, I usually say nothing, and exercise techniques like repeating back what I thought I heard to clarify. Oooops, now I am either not paying attention or being evasive. Actually it is neither. It is a technique I have incorporated to slow things down. I also count to five before I answer a question. Yet, the attribute of bully is assigned.
    
    However, I have a real challenge with others bullying someone. Sometimes to prevent that from occurring to someone a position of strength is taken. Then the bully cries victim. It becomes a vicious circle. Thankfully awareness is all that is needed sometimes. Many times the observer only sees an action not knowing the why. And, then the attribute of bully is assigned.
    
    Yet, within legal circles and also those of sociology and psychology the behavior of a bully is not a single incident. It will have a history and more than likely a focus point or the victimized. When that victim abandons their position the characterized bully seeks a new one(s). Many charismatic leaders bully groups rather than single individuals through techniques like enabling and compromising self esteem.
    
    I should have wrote a hub, I apologize Express10, I wandered . . .
    
    Tim

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17. 53

    monday-mondayposted 10 years ago

    Compassion can be viewed as a coping tool, especially when it pertains, in my case, with organized gang stalking in Henderson NV, Las Vegas, NV and Elk County, Pa.  A world wide silent-unreportable crime that the media never discusses.  Compassion, will give you permission to move beyond the torment as much as humanly possible.  Soften anger and hatred.  Feelings that will just compound if not controlled.  Sometimes avoiding these types is not possible.  Fight fire with fire can get exhausting.  People are suffering daily with this crime...I try to focus on them.
    targeted-individuals
    fight gang stalking
    0snanaimo

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