Do you and your spouse or significant other (usually) go to bed together?

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   dashingscorpioposted 11 years ago

   Do you and your spouse or significant other (usually) go to bed together?
   
   Early on when couples first start dating and become sexually intimate they tend to go to bed together even if they're just going to sleep. If you have been married for several years or in a long-term (live-in) relationship, have you found that the two of you (more often than not) go to bed separately? If so, why is that?
   
   

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2. 70

   ivoriposted 11 years ago

   If the fire in a relationship has seemed to dwindle many couples choose to go to bed separately or even sleep in separate beds/bedrooms.
   
   Separation will not bring the intimacy back into your life together.  Blaming or pointing the finger at the other does not solve or help, either.  Instead, opening communication lines should be at least tried.  Talk to each other about the reason(s) for going to bed alone or separately.  Touch each other as you talk, communication and loving contact can often open the door to regaining and resuming the wonderful intimacy you shared with each other.

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   1. 80

      dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Good suggestons. However I'm trying to find out if this is "normal". Do (you) or Did (you) and your mate go to bed separately most of the time? :-)

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   2. 70

      ivoriposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      However, there are many reasons why couples may go to bed separately.  Work schedules, illness, or perhaps one needs to finish a work project or view a special show later than usual.  Going to bed separately is not always a sign of trouble.

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   Lady Summersetposted 11 years ago

   Usually, this is always a signal that SOMETHING in your relationship has changed.  Oftentimes, not for the good.  This has happened to a few people I know.  For one, it was that the spouse started an affair and for the others it was a signal that they had started living separate lives outside of the marital home and then the manifestation of it revealed itself inside the home. 
   
   Starting with watching TV in the den and falling asleep and continuing to the place that the spouse simply just didn't make the effort anymore to go to the marital bed.
   
   It is a clear signal of a loss of connectivity, unless there is a medical reason.
   
   This was a good question.

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      dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Lady Summerset, Thanks for your answer but I was curious about (you). Do or Did you and your mate go to bed separately? Do you think it is fairly (common)? or Does this only happen when there are problems in the relationship?

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      Lady Summersetposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Yes, we do after 14 years of marriage.  Even with his sleep apnea, that presented a huge problem because it kept me up, I discovered that I needed to fall asleep before he did so I could rest in order to maintain a marital bed.

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   Relationshipcposted 11 years ago

   We still go to bed together. We have been together for eight years. BUT my parents have always gone to bed separately because my mom is an early riser and my dad is a night owl. I think it helps that my husband and I are on the same internal rhythm.
   
   The only time we don't go to bed together is when I am caught up in something in my work, but that doesn't happen too often.
   
   Most people I know go to bed separately, but as I said, it is because they are being honest about their internal clocks, not because they are losing a connection.

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      dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      "Most people I know go to bed separately." I tend to agree with your answer Relationshipc! In fact I have found many that do go to bed together still do not turn out the lights or TV and "call it a night" (together). One of them reads or watches TV.

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   lburmasterposted 11 years ago

   It entirely depends. If one of us is wide awake and the other sleepy, then one will stay up either playing video games, reading a book, doing calligraphy, or a homework assignment. But if both are a little tired or feel lazy, we give in if the other wants to sleep. More often we both sleep because we both get woken up a LOT.

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   visionandfocusposted 11 years ago

   Almost always, and if one dawdles, the other doesn't like it! Hasn't changed after 8 years of marriage. The odd occasion does arise when one's not feeling so well and need to sleep quite a bit earlier, and the other will then simply wait till the regular bedtime.

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   peeplesposted 11 years ago

   My husband and I go to bed at the same time usually. There are times when I go to bed early and he doesn't but those times are very rare. However we do have the bad habit of having a TV in the bedroom so that we can relax before bed and watch tv together.

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   duffsmomposted 11 years ago

   We've been married for 42 years and I am often up later than he is. He needs more sleep than I do. He goes to bed around 11, and I am up until 12 or 1, but we get up at the same time.

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      ivoriposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      There's no right or wrong rules - it's what works for you.  If one person feels there is a problem - well,  that is a whole different issue.

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