For a short story I'm writing: How did you win your spouse back from divorcing

1. 82

   KatyWhoWaitedposted 8 years ago

   For a short story I'm writing:  How did you win your spouse back from divorcing you?
   
   Watching "The Astronaut's Wives Club" last night led to this question although it's not directly related to the events of the show.  I understand that reconciling when one person has already "left the marriage in his/her mind" is very rare and it seems as if the decision is in the hands of the "leaver"  However, if you consciously did SOMETHING to stop your divorce,  I'm interested in strategies in how you were cleverly able to direct your spouse back into the marriage. I'm not looking for on-going habits of good marriages, I'm looking for strategies that stopped the proverbial "train wreck".
   
   

   replyreport
2. 80

   dashingscorpioposted 8 years ago

   
   
   It takes two people to make a marriage work.
   It only takes one to end a marriage.
   Personally I've always been skeptical about articles and claims made by people who say they (single handily saved their marriage) or won their ex back.  This can only happen if their spouse still loves them.
   The only "secret" is to give one's mate what they want or need to (feel) loved and appreciated by becoming who they want.
   These days people aren't willing to endure unhappiness very long.
   Having said that in most instances by the time the unhappy person speaks up they're already "emotionally divorced" from their mate and in some instances may have their eye on someone else assuming they have not cheated. Their mate on the other hand is so wrapped up in them self that they never question whether or not their spouse is happy.
   For example assume a couple has a different level of libido. Initially the person with the higher sex drive made attempts to have more sex but over time they backed off after seeing their mate lacked interest so now most nights they watch TV together or in separate rooms doing whatever. The person with the low libido is heaven. Things are going the way they want.
   They assume if they're not arguing and have established a routine it means they're both on the same page and are happy with things.
   We tend to put the onus on the unhappy person to "communicate" their unhappiness as opposed to having the other person "communicate" or announce what things they're going to stop doing!
   Sometimes people "go along to get along" for as long as they can.
   Suddenly the content person is shocked when their spouse walks out.
   "Spiteful words can hurt your feelings but silence breaks your heart"
   - C. S. Lewis
   Oftentimes going to therapy is nothing more than a box to check off the list on the way to divorce. It allows the couple to say they gave it a shot.
   My theory is the best way to avoid divorce is to never stop doing the things that won your mate's heart.
   When we change our circumstances change.
   It's easier to maintain a fire than reignite a spark!
   One man's opinion!

   replyreport
3. 85

   M. T. Dremerposted 8 years ago

   From a narrative perspective, I would believe divorced characters might work if one or both of them experienced a life altering event. The kind of thing that changes who they are. Who the characters are after they come out of that event, might be more compatible. For example, when two people go through a long journey/ordeal together, strong bonds can develop that weren't there before, because of shared experience.

   replyreport
   1. 82

      KatyWhoWaitedposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      M.T. Thanks!  Yes, I'm looking for  a narrative perspective.  I'll have to come up with some life altering event that would work.  How about the daughter becomes anorexic?

      replyreport