What do you do if as a couple, you cannot agree on something that is important t

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   threekeysposted 7 years ago

   What do you do if as a couple, you cannot agree on something that is important to both of you?
   
   

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   Sulabhaposted 7 years ago

   Difficult isn't it? But it happens most of the time.
   Being married now for almost 36 years I have realized that it's best to shelve the idea for sometime.
   By then, you see others facing the same situation. So either you know that the idea is wrong or your spouse! Or sometimes one of you decides to give the other a chance!
   Take it immediately if you are right.
   I am facing such a situation right now. It's about giving return gifts to guests coming for our son's wedding in December. My husband feels we should give cash. I strongly feel that guests will appreciate gifts even if small. But this is also true that we are going to fly to Bangalore, the venue decided for marriage.
   This debate helped me to find more about the luggage allowed. It seems there is a facility where we can carry extra luggage on payment.
   In the meantime I am noticing that my husband's strong stand is slowly melting which is a good sign.
   Finally, this is what marriage is!

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      threekeysposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you Sulabha. 36 years of marriage is something I don't hear of too often. You and your husband are lucky to have one another.

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   dashingscorpioposted 7 years ago

   
   
   Rarely is anything truly "equally important" to both people.
   More often than not "ego" and their past history play a part.
   The first thing the couple has to decide is whether or not this is a "deal breaker" for the relationship or something worth getting divorced
   One example might be he wants children now and she's climbing the corporate ladder with no desire to take a time out. Maybe it's over.
   He wants to spend Thanksgiving with his family and she wants to spend it with hers. Is it worth going through World War III? Not likely.
   In the beginning of (new relationships) we make the other person's happiness a top priority. Rarely does either person utter the word "no". We're always looking for a compromise or "win-win" scenario.
   However when some couples go from a "Us & We" mentality to "You & Me" they tend to stake out battle lines, keep track of old wounds, and become invested in ("winning" against their mate) instead of "winning as a couple".
   There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them (as is) or move on.
   If it's a "deal breaker" - get out.
   If it's not a deal breaker - learn to live without.
   "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."
   - Oscar Wilde
   If you're with someone who is inconsiderate and always has to have things "their way" it means they don't think you're all that special.
   Compromise is a sign someone sees the forest and not just a tree.

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      threekeysposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      I personally don't get how anyone could imagine there would be joy when competing between partners. I don't "get that" . To me there could only be tension and angst. But as you say to "see the forest and not just the tree".

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