I'd like feedback on my article: Small Businesses and Divorce – the Financial...

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   Aestimatusposted 5 years ago

   Hi Hubbers,
   
   I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my article? What can I do to improve? Thanks!
   Here is my article: Small Businesses and Divorce – the Financial Impact (must be signed in to view)

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      CYong74posted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Hi. There are several issues with your article:
      
      1) You have several glaring English errors. (Hint: One of your titles) Also, a good number of your sentences are awkwardly, if not inaccurately, constructed. For eg,
      
      "As much as we want to think we remain a couple till death do us part, in practice, 40 till 50 percent of marriages in the USA ends up in divorce ..."
      
      It ought to be:
      
      "As much as we hope to remain married "till death do us part," in reality,  40 to 50 percent of marriages in the USA end up in divorce."
      
      2) Titles should be in APA Style throughout.
      
      3) I get the message behind your hub. However, there is a general sense of confusion, most probably because you are swinging from area to area. You:
      - Mentioned divorce
      - Followed by men who do pay alimony
      - Talked about entrepreneurship in section labelled as effect of divorce on small businesses. (I.E. you didn't much elaborate on what the title said)
      - Briefly discussed the effects of divorce on business ownership, under a title that doesn't highlight this
      
      And so on. You might like to consolidate your information by considering how someone would read and process your information. It is imperative to have a flow that is natural, easy to read, and clearly marked by your titles.
      
      4) Personally, I think grumbling about not being published several times discounts your credibility. It will also not do wonders in SEO, or with the editors.

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         Aestimatusposted 5 years agoin reply to this

         Hi thank you very much for your feedback - appreciate you help! I will adjust things in the coming days :-)

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2. 96

   theraggededgeposted 5 years ago

   What CYong said.
   
   Additionally this is not a great introduction to your article:
   
   "My article here was refused several times (which was disappointing in itself) as it was stated to highly likely be "commercial"."
   
   And this:
   
   "It is said that in the UK only 11% of all divorces leads to homelessness"
   
   ONLY? You might want to rephrase. And who said this? You need to add a credible source for this information.
   
   Quite a bit of work to do, but I'm sure you can improve it

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   1. 72

      Aestimatusposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Hi, thank you very much for your feedback as well - guess Hubpages doesn't have this learning period for nothing as I need adjust quite a few things to be more accurate and improve my English... always good to learn!

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3. STAFF

   Larry Slawsonposted 5 years ago

   Yeah, just echoing what everyone else has already said.  Keep at it though.

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      Aestimatusposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks Larry

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   Doneta Wrateposted 5 years ago

   When writing an introduction, you need to say only positive things that will draw the readers interest and make him unable to put the article down until he finishes it.  on my Molokai article I wrote one intro, and then looked at it again the next day before I published and saw how negative it was.  I thought no, this is bad.  I then rewrote what I have now.

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5. 72

   Aestimatusposted 5 years ago

   Dear Doneta, thank you for your feedback - I adjusted the article with all the above mentioned tips and succeeded! Actually quite happy I "dared" to ask for assistance as i am usually not very good at that ... and got some very useful information. Indeed my mood when creating the article was slightly (understatement) negative - I remember the exact day I wrote the article and what was all occupying me. But, made the required adjustments and bingo! I succeeded. Thank you again and have a great day!

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      theraggededgeposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Congratulations on getting it featured
      
      Now onto the next...

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