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Athena PSN mini revew-find out why this game is goddess awful.
My youtube review of Athena
Note: all the video and pics seen in this hub were captured by me using a capture device. Athena was made by SNK.
A long time ago at a flea market I picked up an NES game called Athena, I only played a little bit of it before stuffing it back into my NES collection that has since been put up in the attic. The game was just broken all to hell, doing a little research I found out that it was based on an arcade game. I always wonder was the NES game just a busted arcade port of a good game. A few weeks ago a bunch of SNK games were on sale on the PSN and I picked this arcade port up on the PSN for 60 cents (usually about 3 dollars). Found out that the NES game was indeed a broken port, of an already god awful arcade game. Well let’s take a look at Athena, or at least the first stage because if you can tolerate it for more than 10 minutes you got more patience then I do.
The story starts with a young girl jumping into a magic door, falling down a magic hole, and having her dress ripped right off of her. If I was a little pervert I would do a top 5 list of possible jokes I could make, lucky for you I am not. IMA GREAT BIG ONE.
top 10 jokes I could tell for this scene.
10. I only paid 50 cents for this game I think it should been a dollar.
9. Don’t you normally have to buy them dinner and drinks before they do that.
8. Next time a woman say she wants to go sky diving I’m in.
7.While the rest of this game is really hard, I know one thing that is easy about it.
6. Sheesh Athena Samus made me wait until the end of her game
5. I always thought Athena was the goddess of wisdom and war, not strippers
4. But Long Falls make her clothes fall off.
3. Wow if Princess Peach did this in Super Mario Bros 2 I would have picked her for every stage.
2.I knew Ghouls and Ghosts would have been better with a female protagonist.
1.Wow Athena must dated a lot of enron executives back in the day.
Yeah outside of that though nothing really happens you just beat monsters and platform through stuff while Athena wears a red bikini when she isen’t picking up armor power ups.
(and no the dress did not fall off in the NES version, I would presume Howard Lincoln limitations.)
Yeah the graphics in this game are pretty good and they have a lot of charm. Yeah Athena is going around half naked in a red bikini but it’s not titillating it’s actually cute. The whole game oozes with this bright color fantasy charm that would make it memorable if the rest of it just wasn’t so god awful.
I only played thorough the first stage in this game, that’s about all I could stand the music although fits the fantasy world loops a lot and it gets annoying. After a while I was hitting the mute button just because I was sick of listening to it.
Ok let’s look at what Athena does right in its gameplay. IT DOES NOTHING RIGHT. Ok first off the controls while not the worst ever are still broken. When it comes to bad controls you don’t need completely busted to still be really bad. Bayou Billy was a crappy NES game because is controls were not good enough to play the game that he tried to be (or at least are American version). Athena is the same way with the amount of crap constantly coming at you need fast and loose control, Athena is to slow and stiff making you die a lot.
Has far has weapons and attack you start off with a kick but can pick up many weapons, most don’t increase your strength and range at all making them useless. The only weapon I found that was useful was this ball and chain power up that actually increased my range. But when I had that I couldn’t touch any weapons dropped or else it becomes that weapon that nerfs your weapon making the game even more frustrating.
And then there is just a lot crap constantly flying at you, monsters respawn constantly, arrows and other attacks are always raining down and this is the first stage. Athena does have armor powers ups but they don’t feel like really do a good job protecting you, and you can still die pretty easily while wearing them. Death always sends you back to the beginning of the stage without any powerups. It makes the game frustrating.
Athena couldn’t even work has a quarter muncher, the point of the quarter muncher is to make sure that the person is enjoying the game and believes he has a chance to beat it if he sticks another quarter into the machine. Athena from the get go gives you no such chance. It’s not worth 3 dollars, it’s not worth 60 cents, and it’s not even worth playing if it’s free. Athena is goddess awful.