Top 8 Ridiculous Weapons in Final Fantasy
Final Fantasy's Unique Weapons
In case you're not familiar with Final Fantasy, it's a beloved role-playing video game series. Each entry in the franchise takes players to new worlds with new heroes to befriend and villains to defeat. Final Fantasy is often praised for the unique designs of its protagonists and weapons. Most feel mystical, yet familiar and are very aesthetically appealing. Usually, the weapons make sense, too. Swords, axes, guns, and bows all seem like they'd be of great use in battle. But occasionally, you'll run across a very, uh, interesting style of combating enemies. Today, we'll countdown some of the oddest weapons in Final Fantasy, and review how well each fares in its game. To begin with, we'll examine the..
8. Hope's Boomerang/Airwing
Used by: Hope from Final Fantasy 13
First of all, you may notice this boomerang-like weapon, called the Airwing is brandished by a young boy with an odd name. A child who has not combat experience or anything; he's just a simple kid caught up in events beyond his control. So, to battle against evil, he chooses to use a boomerang? It just seems ineffective compared to the swords and guns used by the other characters in the game. And look at the Airwing, it's not even sharp, so it can't cut enemies. In short, I question the wisdom of relying on a kid with a boomerang as a combat partner. Still, Hope and his blunt Airwing are somehow able to keep up with the other characters in the game, so I guess he's finding a way to make it work.
7. Cait Sith's Megaphone
Used by: Cait Sith from Final Fantasy 7
Before we even discuss the weapon, let's take a look at Cait Sith, the odd talking cat from FF7. This guy is actually a robotic spy controlled by a government agent whi rides a marshmallow-like creature into combat. Wow. That's already pretty ridiculous, but then factor in the megaphone, which Cait Sith uses to direct his companion in battle. I have no idea why Cait Sith needs the item; can't he simply state his orders normally? He's riding that marshmallow's shoulders for Pete's sake. If you and I were side-by-side in a fight, and you had strategic advice to offer, I'd really prefer that you don't blast it into my eardrums. But like Hope and his boomerang, Cait Sith finds a way to make it work. Good job?
6. Wakka's Blitzball
Used by: Wakka from Final Fantasy 10
Yes, this guy's name is Wakka. Yes, his hair looks funny, and he has an interesting accent to boot. But he's a pretty cool dude, and he's got a lot of guts—he uses only a sports ball in combat. Blitzball is a competition in FF10 that's sort of like underwater soccer-football. All well and good, but even if you're a talented blitzball player, why use a harmless orb in combat? If Michael Jordan or Shaquille O'Neal were given a choice between a sword, a knife, a spear, or a basketball to use in a fight, I'm pretty confident they wouldn't take the latter. Well, somehow, Wakka's spherical weapon is used to great effect in the game, packing a strong punch and working especially well against flying enemies. Moral: don't judge a Wakka by his blitzball.
5. Relm's Brushes
Used by: Relm from Final Fantasy 6
Fifth place goes to the brush-wielding Relm Arrowny from Final Fantasy 6. Admittedly, you can give this young girl normal weapons like daggers. But where's the fun in that? Instead, try using her unique set of weapons—paintbrushes. Look, if I were sent into war as a little kid with only a brush, I'd probably just use it to draw my will. But somehow, Relm is able to sketch enemies, creating a copy of them that will fight for you; the power of the copy depends on the strength of the foe being sketched. Relm's magic allows the brush to work wonders her, but it's still pretty laughable to imagine having to fight with a simple art tool.
4. Lulu's Dolls
Used by: Lulu from Final Fantasy 10
Wakka's own love interest in FF10, Lulu, follows suit by using a variety of impractical weapons. Kind of weird, considering how practical Lulu tends to be. In the game, she fights using offensive black magic, striking adversaries with a variety of elemental attacks. However, her physical attacks are incredibly weak. Gee, who would have thought that a doll wouldn't be all that damaging? Lulu, if you just used a sword or something, maybe you'd be an awesome mage and warrior.
3. Deuce's Flute
Used by: Deuce from Final Fantasy Type-0
Yes, this young lass from the PlayStation 4 title, FF Type-0, is hilariously named Deuce. She's a polite and respectful girl whose part of an elite combat unit. And they must be pretty darn skilled if one of their members uses a freaking flute in battle. Deuce somehow summons orbs to use as projectiles with the instrument, though she is slow-moving and vulnerable while attacking. She often works better as a support character, as she has many abilities that heal her allies. Well, at least the other members of her team use actual weapons, right?
2. Ace's Cards
Used by: Ace from Final Fantasy Type-0
Don't ask me how, but the next member of the Class Zero squad fights effectively using only a deck of cards a la Gambit from X-Men. Ace repeatedly throws them as projectiles, making him an agile and ranged combatant. How do the cards actually damage enemies, you ask? Who cares, it looks cool. Oh, and Ace can teleport. I'm not sure why he doesn't just use that to warp behind enemies and stab them, but hey—man loves his cards.
1. Setzer's Dice
Used by: Setzer from Final Fantasy 6
The gambler from FF6, Setzer Gabbiani, takes first place today. Like Ace, you can equip him with cards, but why give him razor-sharp cards when you can instead provide him a pair of dice, which he'll, uh, roll at enemies. And that's it. They don't blow up, they're not charged with energy, none of that. Setzer simply tosses two small plastic cubes at any man-eating monster he faces.
The crazy part? Somehow, it really works. Setzer's dice deal damage based on the numbers he rolls, and the higher amounts can devastate many enemies. Plus, the gambler will later obtain an upgraded form of the cubes called the Fixed Dice, which simply add another die to the mix, further increasing damage. I have no idea how small plastic gambling tools decimate enemies, but a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. Try throwing a pair if you ever get attacked. Maybe your opponent will be so baffled that you'll have an opening. Setzer, you clever genius, you.
Which weapons would be useless in real combat?
These absurd Final Fantasy weapons are fun to pick on, but keep giving 'em to us, Square—it's always awesome to slay dragons and conquer demons using cards, flutes, and dolls. Hey, they teamed with Disney to make the entire Kingdom Hearts franchise about formidable weaponized keys. But for now, let us know which of today's weapons you find most ridiculous and I'll see you at our next gaming review!
© 2015 Jeremy Gill