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I'm not worried about the Zombie Apocalypse!

Updated on May 10, 2011
Pictured: Your nightmares
Pictured: Your nightmares | Source

Over recent years the whole theory of the Zombie Apocalypse has become very popular, inspiring numerous video games, films, TV shows, pieces of music and books. If you actually haven't seen or heard about Zombie's yet, chances are you have literally spent the last 100 years under a rock. 

Zombie's are 'The walking un-dead', a race of dead human's that walk the earth, seeking food. Usually brains and other human flesh. Although for some reason; never other Zombie's! A popular zombie saying would be "Braaaaaaains". Another may be "Uhhhhhhhhhhh". They are characterized by being incredibly stupid and clumsy, because you know, they're dead. They are also usually rotting and falling to pieces. Yet as human's we still fear these dead clumps of meat that don't exist, because one day "It could happen! And when it does, I'll be prepared!" 

Why we're superior

Let's be honest here, if it happened, we'd be too busy crapping ourselves to actually do anything about it. It scares us because it could affect anyone. Your brother, sister, wife, mother, father, uncles. Any of them, at any time, could become mindless murdering meat-bags, ready for YOU to become their next meal. So there's reason enough to panic. But don't.

You firstly have to remember a few things about humans that have allowed us to survive; and it's not that we're difficult to be killed because we're really not!

  • We're so damn good at killing everything - That's how we've done so well. We're "Smart". We can outwit that Lion, or that T-Rex, not because of our size but because Rex is stupid, and can't see us anyway! We have guns, knives and Tanks. In the long run, we're fine!
  • We heal after damaging ourselves - Our body, surprisingly, doesn't want us dead either, so it regenerates after we've hurt ourselves. A nifty feature that lets us last more than 2 seconds in the outside world!
  • We're fast - Like monkeys, and other quick animals, we're quite fast. And we also have very good balance. When running from an enemy we can very easily out-maneuver a bulky lion, or a fat Hippo.
  • We have excellent foresight in situations - We can see ahead into the future a little. We know, (from personal experience) that falling off a cliff hurts. So we know not to. Rex doesn't have that foresight and can't see the consequences of his actions so will, in certain situations, fall off a cliff. Probably.

Pictured: Endangered species
Pictured: Endangered species | Source

Why we're going to survive

Okay, so like I said just a second a go, we've survived for many reasons, one being we're so good at killing anything and everything. Hell, we'd even try kitten if it wasn't so damn cute.
But this is where a zombie fails. A zombie is MINDLESS. It doesn't think with it's brain, it thinks with it's stomach. So when a random stray dog decides it's dinner time, and Zombie is on the menu, will the un-dead bar-stool be able to protect himself? No, definitely not, he'd be a walking Big-Mac, hold the Mayo. Chances are he won't even know he's become dinner for pooch, until he's the re-dead...or whatever you call a dead zombie anyway.

Say Rex did decide he wanted in on Zombie for din-dins, what'd happen then? Well he'd have an awful lot missing, but hell, it's a zombie. He doesn't care, long as he get's his dinner (Us), might even get a sweet scar, and I'm sure Zombie chicks dig scars! (Inconclusive as of yet)
But wait, zombies are made-up of dead meat. That's what they are, and the last time I checked, dead meat doesn't re-heal itself. And it's not just massive savage attacks from extinct dinosaurs the Zombie has to worry about either; it's the day in, day out damage shuffling around the city does. Every stubbed toe, and graze will never, ever heal over. Can you imagine what life would be like if every scratch, graze, bruise and cut never healed? It'd be agony. Life would be awful, and very, very short.

So when the zombies do come after us, we're going to have to run, and fast! The process of running involves having blood pumped around your body feeding your muscles with air and blood that they desperately need to help them work properly. This involves our heart to be beating, which means we're alive. If we were dead, our heart wouldn't be beating.
But hang on a second, Zombies ARE dead. Their hearts are beating. As a result, their organs do not receive blood, and air and therefore don't work very effectively, if it all. At best, a Zombie is going to be dead slow (Get it?!)
They'll be easily outrun-able by, well anyone!

What really separates us and many other animals, dead or alive, is that we have the ability to perceive. We can look at a situation and discern it's outcome. If we see a cliff, we don't jump off it. We'll find a less vertical route down. But a zombie won't. If it did, it'd be a miracle, but it'd probably end up chucking itself over and hitting a hard floor below. And then, bye-bye zombie, hello thin veneer on the floor. Okay, so maybe not everyone lives in places where Cliffs are present. Well in that case, hello doors! Yes, if a Zombie can't even see that a Cliff is dangerous, how can it open a door successfully? It can't would be the simple answer. Then you just play the waiting game...Or if you have a gun...


Why you don't need to panic

Well, a good reason not to worry is that they don't exist! Even if they did, they'd be dead again within days. As for the spreading of the disease, well their only form of reproduction is their only way of eating. Can you imagine a choice between eating and having sex. Which would you choose? Okay, which would you choose if you didn't have a brain. That's right, you wouldn't choose, instinct would say "Eat this NOW". 
That's before we mention all the guns, bats, knives etc located in both the UK and USA. The poor old Zombie just doesn't stand a chance!

Do's and Don'ts

Let's just say for a second though, the zombies prevail to become the majority, and somehow their masses just keep building...What should you do? And what shouldn't you do? Well, here's a little guide...


  • Use weapons accordingly. Anything from a Gun to a Long metal bar can be used as a weapon. Just remember; don't get too close to the creature.
  • Hide in a well ventilated yet not easily accessible place. Zombies aren't smart. Or creative. Hiding in a store cupboard (With vents), attic or a roof-top will keep you safely away from any nasty Zombies.
  • Keep pets. As mentioned, a dog will find the prospect of a nice healthy Zombie very tempting. As for diseases, often dogs aren't affected by human disease, but observe strays firstly anyway, just in case.
  • Cripple the legs. Even if the zombie is slow anyway, a quick shot to the legs will make it even slower.
  • Have a car. Cars will make getting around the Zombie infested wasteland very easy and safe. Plus a 12 stone, rotting hunk of flesh is no match for a 2-Tonne Land-Rover.
  • Find others. More is better and safer for you and everyone around you. You can have look-out shifts throughout the night too! And you may be able to repopulate the world (If it ever gets that far, if not, go ahead anyway!)
  • Keep plenty of food. You need food to, you know, survive. Water is needed too. If you are in a place where these things are not accessible, move!
  • Have a phone, Radio or other contact device with you at all times. You never know when you might be in need of contacting the outside world, so get connected and stay connected. It may mean your life.


  • Don't panic! You're probably not going to become a human happy meal! And besides, you make some pretty stupid decisions when you do panic, and you don't want to be doing anything that'll get yourself killed.
  • Don't visit gun-shops or places where other, more crazy people may relocate themselves - You'll just end up getting yourself needlessly killed!
  • Don't wear excessive baggy clothing. If you get caught on a dastardly branch, it could mean life or death! All for a pair of baggy jeans...
  • Don't forget the little things. Everything counts, including every bullet, knife-blade and snack. If you do happen to stumble across anything that may be important, keep it! You may need it later.
  • Don't desert your friends. If they'll save you, save them. You may regret it when you're all on your own against a horde of the un-dead.
  • Don't leave it to chance. Just make sure everything's in order before you retire for the night, or go out for a nice day of post-apocalyptic sight seeing! It only takes one slip up to kill you.


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    • Ryan-Palmsy profile image

      Ryan Palmer 4 years ago from In a Galaxy far, far away

      Hmm, I do not follow your point. Please clarify

    • profile image

      hmmm 4 years ago

      *rolls eyes* here we go with the voodoo idea of zombie... this does little to the Infected idea of zombies, what the new age zombies are. The new ones can run, do have properly working bodies and are not the walking dead.

      Kinda like a human being suffering from rabies the way a squirrel would, the possibility of this happening is much more likely than the shamblers we see from romeo

      anyways yes the voodoo zombie isnt anything to be scared of and very very very unlikely but the infected are a very different story

    • dredcuan profile image

      Chef Tina 6 years ago

      I really hate the way zombies looks like and I am pretty sure that I will have all the reasons to kill them and never surrender.

    • Ryan-Palmsy profile image

      Ryan Palmer 6 years ago from In a Galaxy far, far away

      That's very...Different! Hahah! What state is that accent from? I swear I've heard it somewhere before!

    • Katharella profile image

      Katharella 6 years ago from Lost in America

      We'll never know who comes to take me, if I disappear maybe someone will make them drag the Pamlico for my body, unless I'm in Detroit, then forget it! You'll get other bodies and guns LOL

    • Ryan-Palmsy profile image

      Ryan Palmer 6 years ago from In a Galaxy far, far away

      I heard about a group of Bank-Robbers who installed a revolving number plate to their get-away car! They did well too...Sort of!

      I will definitely check it out then Kath! And then I'll let you know what I think! :)

    • Katharella profile image

      Katharella 6 years ago from Lost in America

      LOL.. ok, since they dont' want us to drop links to outside places at youtube I got under my real name so type in that url and KathyAAllen, scroll down til you see The Toxic Love. It's a true story, but I'm going give it a do-over with better lighting and props. (I have a green mannequin bwwaaah)

      Actually, I think it's funny of people who use avi's because I use my real name and real pic's, life is basically an open book on the net. lol. Yes, there will come a day, when men with suits and dark glasses pull me into their limo and I'll never be heard of again. They'll have a license plate like the Batmobile or wait, was that Get Smart heh.. that spins around and changes so nobody will know it.

    • Ryan-Palmsy profile image

      Ryan Palmer 6 years ago from In a Galaxy far, far away

      I wouldn't mind seeing it, sounds...interesting! Haha!

      Oh they're so cruel ;) But I suppose it was for their OWN health!!

    • Katharella profile image

      Katharella 6 years ago from Lost in America

      If it could only be explained in short term.. lol.. back when everything was FTP only.. I had a newsgroup where the idiots spelled cemetAry.. uh.. finally I found it but we traded ftp pix of them all over the world.

      Thank you would you mind seeing my video of dark poetry (The Toxic Love) LOL hey I dressed up n' everything.. death of a friendship, cuddled in toys, zombie like green faced, rather TOXIC faced .. just let me know LOL Thanks tho I have been told I'm "multifaceted" LOL I tend to go to the dark side but be able to have happy happy joy joy as well. But my CRUEL parents made me LEARN, and do that SCHOOL thing ugh! I wanted to hang myself, but I didn't want to scare my mom, *sly grin* she made me keep my art outside either in the garage or in my trunk after I got a car. LOL

    • Ryan-Palmsy profile image

      Ryan Palmer 6 years ago from In a Galaxy far, far away

      Wow Katharella that certainly does sound like an interesting hobby! Let it never be said you weren't interesting, in your own little way ;)

      I shall look out for those films also, sounds like they'd be a good watch!

    • Katharella profile image

      Katharella 6 years ago from Lost in America

      OH man Ross, I love you, mop up blood and brains! I work for free LOL hehehe...

      Glad ya liked Shawn of the Dead, "you got blood" oh PRIME.. I like "oh wait, this vinyl is a keeper" oh, "what does exacerbate mean" hahaaa.. You'll love Fido & Zombieland

      BBG!! OH.. YEAH, the original is free domain because it was ALL friends who made it! Their costumes everything! It's like Greatful Dead they don't give ppl crap for selling boots either. Oh, and you GOTTA see the canned film of NLD, because it is hysterical! Although sometimes the lines ya make up yourself are great too! I just did it this weekend with the MST3000 on Netflix the EVIL DOLL lol my friend was trying to do stuff on the computer and I was slipping in my own lines -between theirs- lol.. They're on freeplay too! Seriously what doll can't ya make up words for when they're mouth moves but the same "chop chop chop" hehhe.. some of those are so good you can turn off the sound!

      DON'T FORGET IF YOU'RE AN ALICE COOPER FAN TO SEE "SUCK" what could be better than him working as a bartender and he's a Vampire I SOOO wanna bar hop there! Well, OMG.. I took a pic outside a cemetery (totally not kidding) this weekend, and it says "closed from Dusk Til Dawn" yeah you know I scrambled for my camera! I should make a hub of my scary "sneaking in the church cemetery to get high"!er.. wait, I mean drink a beer and chit chat on an above ground grave. At the "perfect time"dundadun... the lights came on, and the organ started playing LOL and we were scrambling for the gate.. I can do it now cos he got deported! I STILL need a good photographer for some night stills. I have the perfecto dress and fake blood. I'm weird, yeah I totally stalk cemeteries.

    • Ryan-Palmsy profile image

      Ryan Palmer 6 years ago from In a Galaxy far, far away

      Awesome that sounds like an interesting career! I hope you weren't mopping up real blood and brains!

    • Ross H Martin profile image

      Ross H Martin 6 years ago from Las Vegas, NV

      Fun hub. I'm in the film business. The very first movie I worked on as an art dept. intern was "Return of the Living Dead III." Some days were very creative while others were spent waiting to mop up blood and brains. Good times.

    • Ryan-Palmsy profile image

      Ryan Palmer 6 years ago from In a Galaxy far, far away

      @ jeanie - Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

      @ barbergirl - Hey it knows what you like!

      Well, I wouldn't say you were out of the loop on zombie stuff, maybe legal jargon behind the films though lol!

    • barbergirl28 profile image

      Stacy Harris 6 years ago from Hemet, Ca

      That is interesting... I didn't know that about Night of the Living Dead. I just mentioned that to my husband and he said that he did know that already... so maybe I am out of the loop on all things zombie... lol

      The movie Aahhh Zombies is on Netlix Instant Play if that is something you can get. That is actually how we found it. Netflix recommended it to us. Apparently it picked up that we like zombie flicks... lol

    • Jeannieinabottle profile image

      Jeannie InABottle 6 years ago from Baltimore, MD

      Thanks for the information. You can never be too prepared. Well, I guess you can, but whatever. I really like this hub!

    • Ryan-Palmsy profile image

      Ryan Palmer 6 years ago from In a Galaxy far, far away

      That sounds like a flick I'd like to watch! I'll look out for that!

      Hmm, yes that's true, of course even if you did fall over surely you'd have enough sense about you to get up and RUN!

      Silly zombie movie actors!

      Night of the living dead is a great film, it's also one of the only films that is completely public domain, i.e. anyone can share it, download it and store it free of charge, unlike most films!

      Also thanks for commenting and I'm really glad you liked it!

    • barbergirl28 profile image

      Stacy Harris 6 years ago from Hemet, Ca

      Hey Katherella - thanks for recommending me.

      @Ryan - this was awesome. I just recently was watchig Night of the Living Dead, the original in black and white. Just because my husband and I have watched it a million times, I started poking fun. Cause seriously, why is it when you are running away from a zombie you always trip. Come on people, learn to chew gum and walk at the same time. Which reminds me, that might be a great exercise before the zombie apocolopyse.

      As for zombie moview - I love love love Shaun of the Dead. Fido was pretty cool too. And of course the Resident Evil flicks and Zombieland... but here is a unique one for you. It is called Aahh Zombies. It is a movie from the zombie perspective. Pretty funny!

    • Ryan-Palmsy profile image

      Ryan Palmer 6 years ago from In a Galaxy far, far away

      We'll both survive! Once someone has been bitten, you're a walking meal to them, no matter who you are either!

      I've seen Shaun of the Dead, it was a brilliant film all the way through too! "You've got some red on you!"

      I'll have to watch Fido too! And I'll add those asap too, and see what they think of this little hub about the crazed critters that are Zombies!

      Thanks for commenting!

    • Katharella profile image

      Katharella 6 years ago from Lost in America

      haha... I took one of those "how would you survive in a Zombie attack" tests, and it said I'd most likely survive. I know too, why I scored good on the quiz, because I said, if my best friend was bitten and became a Zombie, then I'm sorry but they gotta go too! Aw, but hey you don't look at them as your friend, because what was once your friend would now be a no remorse killing machine, that includes US! So friend's fall under the "yer a Zombie you gotta go" category!

      Back to my movie recommendations! (If Simone comes back to see she'll think oh no, does this girl ever do anything but write hubs and watch movies?) lol! Pretty darn close LOL!!!

      1. Shawn of the Dead! (GREAT FLICK on, sorry but my buddy has to go- dark humor! It's also great for the movie hubs)

      2. Fido. The "pet" Zombie! As the teacher in school asks, "and then where would you be, the children answer correctly... DEAD?" hhaha!!

      Ryan, two people you should come follow on my followers are Realhousewife, and Barbergril, we are major Zombie lovers, although I'm the odd one out, because I'm old school Vampire lover! Yeah I did take on the new Twilight, but I'm still old school when it comes to Vampires because my favorite is Barnabas Collins!

    • Ryan-Palmsy profile image

      Ryan Palmer 6 years ago from In a Galaxy far, far away

      Well, the zombies may be able to get into the car, but I'm pretty sure the car would be an effective transport of large objects as well as a make-shift battering ram! Thanks for commenting, and good luck during the apocalypse!

    • Simone Smith profile image

      Simone Haruko Smith 6 years ago from San Francisco

      You're so right... humans are too good at killing things, even the undead, to be overtaken by zombies. And great tips bout going for the legs! Not so sure the car will help all that much.. I lurched with a bunch a couple years back and cars sure didn't stop them from attacking, hahaa XD