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Super Smash TV, I'd Buy That for a Dollar!
"Big money, prizes!" came through a television speaker that had long been busted, assaulting the ears of two excited players with unforgiving static. Waves of UFOs and mutants came at them, being held at bay by a combination of strategic retreat and gunfire. The minutes turned to hours, and the hours to lifetimes as closer and closer the players drew to their ultimate finale, an ending never before seen in a video game. Wads of cash practically exploded from the disposed corpses of the weak, but it paled in comparison to the greatest prize. As that last enemy hit the ground, it left behind a treasure that demanded the lives of those who fought for it.
It all came to this one moment, this crescendo of violence and blood. The apple of their eyes sat on the floor, gleaming defiantly in contrast to the sickly colored mutant remains it sat in.
A toaster. The Super Smash TV characters fought through droves of mindless enemies to receive a maker of golden bread. The glory only went up from there, for the next prize was arguably the best: a new TV.
(Super) Smash TV started in 1990 as an arcade game by Williams, and later being adapted to home ports by Acclaim Entertainment. A follow-up game was later developed titled "Total Carnage!", a sort of homage to a catch phrase spouted out by the obnoxious host of the game, "Total carnage! I love it!". Although the game wasn't exactly a sequel, it did feature a game play much like Smash TV.
Later ports were the NES, SNES (being named Super Smash TV), Sega Game Gear, Sega Master System, and the Sega Genesis. Smash TV even saw a short stint on the Xbox Live Arcade, costing only 400 Microsoft Points (I'd buy that for a dollar!), but has since been removed from the services. Needless to say, this gamer found his ability to cry that day.
Let's face it, there's really not much of a plot here. The basic plot of the game was you (and sometimes a buddy) would risk your life, fighting through waves of enemies to collect many different prizes in the near future of 1999. Apparently the human life becomes something to play games with in this horrifying age of VCRs and mutants.
The idea is the player(s) must navigate through a number of square rooms, each room bring in a new horde of enemies, tons of great prizes, and oodles of power-ups such as a spread shot and orbiting razor blades. At the end of each series of rooms, there is a boss, followed by a count of specific prizes, offering point increases such as "Automobile bonuses" for collecting cars (now that's what I'm talking about!).
During this whole ordeal, the TV host is shouting random catch phrases at you, urging you to go on to claim victory, money, freedom, and the obligatory babes.
The controls are definitely half the game, in that without proper coordination, you're a stain. The game involves one joystick or D-pad being used to move the character around the screen, while the other joystick or D-pad allows the player to fire in multiple directions. This can be synchronized to move away from a mob of mutants while also firing back at them to hold them back. I often found myself holding in a corner, pulling the trigger while I shut my eyes and screamed for mommy.
The boss fights aren't all that complicated, in that they adopt the dodge and shoot method, as there isn't much else to do. Power-ups are highly sought for as they most definitely tip the balance of the game in favor of the player, employing deadly blades that circle the player or a devastating sheet of lead in a spread shot. Money and various prizes are used to accrue points and place a high score (get that loot!).
Simple as it is, the game's worth several hours of fun. Most older gamers understand that simplicity is almost always a perfect formula for a game, and Smash TV really runs on just that. Tomorrow is going to be one of my off-topic hubs, so gamers, tune in Thursday for another review. Thank you for reading, and as always, keep calm, and game on.