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The Tie

Updated on October 6, 2010

Roshambo and a Sauce!

I have always heard twins have an ability to know what the other twin is thinking or feeling at any moment, the other day I found this to be true. My way of finding this truth is of course "The hard way".

My wife and I have a set of fraternal boy / girl twins who were 10 years old at the time of this bizarre occurrence.

The day was coming to an end, the sun had gone down and darkness had enveloped our penthouse suite. My lovely wife had an appointment at the spa for her weekly full body massage therapy, I gladly took the reigns and tended the children with plans to prepare a gourmet meal for the family. While I was in the kitchen preparing my Béchamel sauce, an argument erupts in the living room. For those of you who aren't familiar with the sauce here is a brief description:

Also known as white sauce, Béchamel sauce is made from butter, flour and milk.
Butter is melted over a low heat and then the flour is added to make a smooth paste, or roux. The butter and flour mixture are cooked slightly to remove any floury taste.
The milk is then added, and stirred continuously over a low heat. As the Béchamel sauce cooks it thickens, and more milk can be added to thin the sauce if necessary.
Cheese, onion, mustard or herbs are often added to flavor the Béchamel sauce.

The argument escalated to a level I could not tolerate. My sauce was at risk of failure. I went into the living room to see what all the fuss was about. After careful interpretation I managed to discern that they both wanted to be first on the 1 player video game.

I, being a quick thinker and having a delicate sauce on the brink of total destruction decided to solve this problem with a quick game of Roshambo. For those of you not familiar with the game, here is a brief description:

Roshambo is a decision making game of wits, speed, dexterity and strategy between players who are unable to reach a decision using other means. The result of the game is considered a binding agreement between the two players. The game is played by substituting 3 elements: Rock, Paper or Scissors using 3 standard hand signals.

Knowing I am dealing with children I begin to explain the rules. Choosing each word carefully in an attempt to close any loopholes and proceed with the game. After the rules were explained, the first words out of the boy's mouth is, "Can I use dynamite?"

I now know why Bill Cosby thought his name was Jesus Christ and his father mumbled all the time. Using all my powers of calmness which I am trained to use in the face of adversity I said, "No, we are not using dynamite or bombs, no fire, nothing but rock, paper or scissors, besides scissors cut dynamites fuse."

I got the rules settled and made sure they both understood the winner is the winner. They both agreed and the game was on.

I thought the difficulties were done at this point and a quick game would end this, then my sauce could be rescued from annihilation. Now the problem was when to go. On 3 , or 3 then go, which would actually be on 4. We executed a few practice runs while precious time was ticking away the life of my decadent satiny smooth sauce.

After the practice rounds were completed, they were doing it just like pro's, I had this under control and the sauce was going to be saved.

I made the announcement, "This is the deciding game, the winner is the winner, there will be no arguments. If you are upset that you lost, tough, you will get a turn after a set time limit on the winner." All agreed, we commenced….

1st game was a tie, both threw a rock. No biggie.

2nd game they both threw rocks again!

3rd game they both threw paper!

This crap went on and on. They were reading each others thoughts, I know they were.

How can 2 people tie RoShambo 8,000 times in a row?

By this time my sauce was a blackened soot. I gave up on the sauce, put Shrek 3 in the DVD player and made gourmet Spam sandwiches for supper. For those of you who aren't familiar with gourmet Spam sandwiches here is a brief description:

Gourmet Spamwiches:

Two pieces of toasted bread, coated on one side, with quality mayo and yellow mustard, put salt and black pepper in the mayo so it will not fall off the sandwich then shake 2 -3 drips of Frank's Hot Sauce on the mayo. Two thinly sliced, fried pieces of Spam, with cheese on top so it melts. Top the Spam and cheese with lettuce, Vidalia onions, (Raw or caramelized in the Spam pan, your choice) and a heap of crispy bacon and one slice of a good ripe tomato also salted and peppered.

Throw in a fresh cup of hot coffee and enjoy!

You may wish to double this recipe as one sandwich generally is not enough.


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