Why "Candy Crush Saga" Ruined Your Life
"Everyone is Doing It!"
"Have you played Candy Crush?" "You should totally play Candy Crush." "I just started playing Candy Crush and it's so much fun."
When you scroll down your Facebook page you see dozens (if not MORE) of people talking about this game. This cutesy, bright and colorful candy-filled game has the world buzzing and has your game invite box completely full. If that wasn't enough, the craze has spread out of your computer and onto your TV and into the outside world in the form of television ads, radio promotions and billboards.
Game Invites Are TRAPS!
The first thing that should be (or should HAVE been in my and many other's case) a red flag of warning is the game invites. Notice how some of them say, "HELP! Please send me lives!"? That is because these people are completely addicted and the game puts people into a sense of withdrawal by limiting game play to only 5 lives at a time, forcing them to reach out to everyone and anyone who would be willing to help.
Candy Crush junkies. It's a harsh metaphor, but trust me. It's a real thing.
"Seems pretty basic? I got this."
If you ignored the first warning and have already started to play, you most likely started with that cocky attitude. It happens to all of us.
The overall goal of the game is to group matching candies into a series of 3, sort of like the popular game "Bejeweled". Each level also has a different objective: Gain a certain amount of points, clear the jelly, bring the ingredients down, timed levels, or create a certain number of combinations.
When you start lining then up in larger numbers such as 4 or 5 or creating a T or L shape with matching candies, you create all new pieces with special, unique abilities. Striped and wrapped candies can be super effective while the most coveted piece is the chocolate ball with bright sprinkles.
You can also combine all of these special pieces together to activate even more damage.
"Help me unlock the next episode!"
By helping a friend move along in the game and "unlock the next episode" is setting them up for another round of sweet, candy-filled torture. Every 15 or so episodes, you reach a stopping point. The only way to move on is to send out a barrage or requests and invites to your friends begging them to help move you along. It only takes three people each time, but it will feel like you are waiting a lifetime.
Trust me - you will check your notifications every 30 seconds to see if someone has accepted you request.
If you are already playing and would like to save your Candy Crush-Free friends from becoming one of us (the candy zombies), when selecting which friends to request help from use the pulldown menu and only search through people on your friends list who are already playing the game.
Looks Simple Enough...
Level 29 - It's All Downhill From Here...
You've been playing a while and have hit a few snags, but nothing you couldn't handle after keeping at it for a few days. And then you hit level 29. This is the first level that I hear people complaining the most about.
There are two large sections of cream/jelly to get rid of and 60 moves to do it in. Jelly seems to be the most frustrating topic for most users, although I prefer to focus my hatred on the bombs and chocolate.
If you find yourself frustrated on this level ad spend more than a full week trying to beat it - trust me, it only gets worse. MUCH worse.
One More Try...
If you click on the little heart that offers your fellow candy-crushers help by sending extra moves or extra lives the game reveals something very intimate about your friends. Something that we would all like to keep to ourselves - how many days we have been stuck on the same level. THIS, my friends, is yet another warning sign to delete the game from your life.
As you continue into the game, each and every level gets tougher and tougher and tougher until you find yourself spending days, weeks even MONTHS on the SAME EXACT LEVEL. Words will come out of your mouth that would make your mother ashamed of you. You will wake the neighbors with your tormented screams at all hours of the night as you try the level just one last time before going to sleep.
Personally, I have been stuck on level 350 for what feels like years. All you have to do is clear the jelly...that's it...just clear a little bit of jelly...then the bombs come down...the bombs that will haunt your dreams after you run out of lives and struggle to fall asleep.
"Sweet." "Tasty." "Delicious." "Sugar Crush."
How Does it Make $$? YOU.
You may ask yourself, "how does a game like this make money?" After all, the app is free, it's free to play - and then it happens.
"NO MORE LIVES." Just when you were getting into your groove and about to beat that impossible level. But don't worry, you can ask your friends for help and stare at the screen until one of the accepts.
OR, you can buy move lives. You can buy a full set of lives, extra moves, little fishy that swim in and eat jelly - you can buy all sorts of special toys and abilities. I know several people who have spent at least $20 on this game just out of pure desperation.
(If you're one of those people who notice the list of fellow Candy Crush playing friends growing rapidly - you may want to keep that in mind when Christmas or Birthdays roll around...)
Overall...Fun, for a while.
"Thanks for telling me to play Candy Crush. I hate you."
That was from my best friend. Possibly 'former' best friend if she doesn't get past level 165 soon. In other news I'm looking for a replacement maid of honor if anyone is interested? (I'm kidding...I hope.) My Aunt and Uncle also played the game together and got pretty far into the game. After being stuck on level 347 for months they deleted the app from all of their devices and have vowed to never play again. They won't talk about their experience. It's too soon.
When you find yourself needing anti-anxiety medication, missing life events (weddings, funerals, graduations) or zoning out while people are talking to you because your attention is locked on your phone screen that is covered in purple, blue, red, green, orange and yellow candy - it may be time to do the same. If you haven't reached this extreme state just yet, don't worry - YOU WILL.
I will admit - I find myself on certain levels that make the hairs stand up on the back of my neck and cause my heart to skip beats when I am only one jelly short of passing the level. With that said - I still play. Level 350 may be the death of me, but I will march on. It helps knowing that there are hundreds of thousands right there with me in the trenches of this colorful candy nightmare.
In need of a Candy Crush intervention?
Are you one of the many people addicted to Candy Crush Saga?
Don't believe me? GOOGLE IT.
I googled "Candy Crush Saga Ruined My Life." Check out all of the results.