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Time to Say Good-bye

Updated on September 2, 2010

In dealing with the loss of a loved one, being willing to say good-bye to the prospect of new memories, future laughter, and shared loves, seems to be part of the denial stage of grief. Realizing there will be no more new memories to build or challenges to face seems totally against the purpose of life not to mention the ideal relationship that took years to build.

It is time for me to take another step forward, actually two steps forward in grieving the loss of my mom and the suicide of my good friend.

Funny how worlds can collide sometimes without warning . . .

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My Mom

There are no surprises as far as grieving my mom is concerned. I am often forced to bare her loss since the grief is continual. However, the house I grew up in has been sold and in a matter of days will no longer be a part of my life moving forward. This has given me many reasons to revisit the past. Sometimes the past is pleasantly recalled, other times the memories are not so nice.

Our House Became a Home

I remember distinctly dreading our house. It was during the years that my father's influence was the greatest. I remember coming home from school and staring at our house from a distance, trying to gauge the mood of my father by the way the house appeared. Funny what you do when fear and dread weigh heavily on your heart. The last place I wanted to be after school ended was home. The uncertainty of what would happen once the back door was closed racked my nerves every single day that he was home.

My father's physical presence was no longer felt the summer I turned 14. He had died late that summer right before the start of the new school year. For the first time in my life, I wanted to come home after school. I actually looked forward to having days off and summer vacations. Obviously my father's legacy is not the stuff good memories are made of, however, when that little 3 bedroom house became a home, a place I felt safe and secure and at peace, a new foundation was laid for a brighter future.

Because of that transition, I feel a twinge or two of sadness as the house now sits empty except for a few more boxes and incidentals that will be gone very soon. I also feel happy and grateful to that building for the safeness it provided and the haven it became. The sanctuary that enabled me to begin healing from verbal and emotional abuse.

Selling our home is deeply tied into my feelings for my mom. I will truly miss them both just as I will remain grateful to them both as well.

Unexpectantly Reminded of my Friend

Readying our childhood home for its new occupants has mainly fallen on the shoulders of my sister. She is moving for the first time in her life and has been working feverishly to meet her moving deadline.

I wanted to see the house one last time before she handed over the keys, so I made a solo trip back home to take some final pictures and bid our home a proper farewell.

Coincidentally, a relative and her friend were aiding my sister in some final moving related chores. While my cousin and I caught up with each other, her friend entered the room and I was so stunned that all I could do was stare at her after we exchanged our initial hellos. Not only did she resemble my close friend physically, but even more surprisingly she has an almost identical speech pattern to my friend.

It has been 4 or 5 months since I last heard my friend's voice, coming face-to-face with a close copy of her is something that one can't be prepared for in advance.

I miss the sound of her voice, even more so since I have been reminded of it. I miss her laugh and the loving friendship we shared.

I feel as if accepting the existence of her "twin" is helping me to say good-bye to my friend. I never expected to move along with the acceptance phase of the grief process in this way and this acceptance has replaced the feeling of rejection I experienced shortly after discovering she took her own life. It is a feeling I was not prepared to deal with, but find myself happy that the time has arrived.

It has been a very emotional month, my subconscious has been trying to keep it all ordered and neatly bundled, all things considered, I think it is doing a pretty good job!

One More Farewell

Saying good-bye to our home, my friend, and very soon my little sister has enabled me to find some unexpected closure in important areas of my life.

It is true that time helps when enduring the loss of those we love. Events can trigger emotional responses which at times lead to healthy outlets for our deeply buried feelings. So I chose to face the upcoming days with as much positive energy as I can muster.

I am ready for a good-bye that will not end in complete prolonged sadness and anguish. My sister's fresh start will fill that need

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    • kennedysdisease profile image

      Graham 

      5 years ago from Manchester, Lancashire, England.

      Hi Jen's Solitude. You are absolutely right when using the word acceptance. Once we can accept a position in which we find ourselves, the easier things become. This applies to everyone everywhere. Thank you for a lovely hub.

      Graham.

    • Jen's Solitude profile imageAUTHOR

      Jen's Solitude 

      7 years ago from Delaware

      Thank you so much for your complimentary and heartfelt statements skye2day! This month May 18, marked one year since my dear friend took her life. I have thought about her often especially since we are in the act of moving. How I miss her.

    • skye2day profile image

      skye2day 

      7 years ago from Rocky Mountains

      jen powerful heartfelt hub of love sister. May God Bless you and keep His favor shining on your face. You sure can write jen. Beautiful! You have a masterpiece here. Thank you for sharing a personal journey. You are awesome. Love n hugs my friend

    • Jen's Solitude profile imageAUTHOR

      Jen's Solitude 

      7 years ago from Delaware

      Hi Sunnie Day, thanks so much!

    • profile image

      Sunnie Day 

      7 years ago

      Good Morning Jen,

      A beautiful hub with much heart. Thank you.

      Sunnie

    • Jen's Solitude profile imageAUTHOR

      Jen's Solitude 

      7 years ago from Delaware

      Well thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement. Saying good-bye sure is difficult isn't it? It does bring a measure of closure though.

    • Lucky Cats profile image

      Kathy 

      7 years ago from The beautiful Napa Valley, California

      Jen's solitude...I found your hub and I really appreciate it! Your writing is heartfelt and honest. I can relate and empathize with you on so many of your feelings and self realizations. Your style is very inviting and so easy to read. Definitely voted UP and awesome! Thank You!

    • Jen's Solitude profile imageAUTHOR

      Jen's Solitude 

      7 years ago from Delaware

      Thanks for leaving that encouraging comment DjBryle, deeply impressed memories do soften the blow . . sometimes any way. ;-)

    • DjBryle profile image

      DjBryle 

      7 years ago from Somewhere in the LINES of your MIND, and HOPEFULLY at the RIPPLES of your HEART. =)

      Losing someone we truly love is really difficult, yet we rest in the thought that we have memories in our hearts that we can always have for the rest of our life, and that some time in the past, they've been with us and nothing (even death) can ever take that away from us! This is a very beautiful hub! Voted up! =)

    • Jen's Solitude profile imageAUTHOR

      Jen's Solitude 

      7 years ago from Delaware

      Lizzy, what a generous thing to say. Thanks so much for posting it as I find myself needing a little cheering up today. (smile) I would be pleased to meet you too, wouldn't that be something?

    • LizzyBoo profile image

      LizzyBoo 

      7 years ago from Czech Republic

      Jen you are an amazing writer. I liked the kind way of this hub. You always highlight what is important and what should have been said. You are among of the people I would love to meet personally as I feel it would be unforgivable experience. Thank you Jen for sharing your beautifull hub with us.

      Lizzy

    • Jen's Solitude profile imageAUTHOR

      Jen's Solitude 

      7 years ago from Delaware

      bill, Alison, David and ethel, thank you all very much for taking the time to leave comments that were caring and warm. I appreciate it!

    • ethel smith profile image

      Ethel Smith 

      7 years ago from Kingston-Upon-Hull

      Good luck Jen. I send you a huge hug. It will get better.

    • profile image

      david stillwagon 

      7 years ago

      I am so sorry for your loss. Your hub is beautifully written about such a sad subject.

      good luck

      David

    • Alison Graham profile image

      Alison Graham 

      7 years ago from UK

      Hi, thanks for this beautiful hub which has come at just the right time for me as it would have been my mum's birthday yesterday and I lost her three years ago and was feeling very sad. I lost my dad in March this year and writing has become a sort of therapy for me and an unexpected new beginning. I am sorry for your losses but draw strength from this hub. Thank you for sharing.

    • ocbill profile image

      ocbill 

      7 years ago from hopefully somewhere peaceful and nice

      I hope all gets better and can feel your loss as I dread the day when my Mom is gone. Other close relatives loss has affected me too. Yes, those memories when we were kids are happier in retrospect.

    • Jen's Solitude profile imageAUTHOR

      Jen's Solitude 

      7 years ago from Delaware

      Thank you Paradise!

    • Paradise7 profile image

      Paradise7 

      7 years ago from Upstate New York

      What a moving tribute to your former home, your mother and your friend. I, too, am sorry for your losses.

    • Jen's Solitude profile imageAUTHOR

      Jen's Solitude 

      7 years ago from Delaware

      Thanks ladyjane1, I appreciate your comment, especially since you have experienced the same type of loss. Not surprisingly, my father's death was more of a relief to me than a sense of loss, what a difference between the loss I feel from my mom's passing.

    • ladyjane1 profile image

      ladyjane1 

      7 years ago from Texas

      Wow what a beautiful hub. Im sorry for all your loss. I know how it feels to lose a friend to suicide and it can make one feel very helpless and angry at the same time. Im glad that you are getting the closure that you need from the loss of your mother, father and best friend. Good luck to you cheers.

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