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10 Smart Ways to Deal With Anger

Updated on April 28, 2018

10 Smart Ways to Deal With Anger

Forgiving yourself so that you can create internal peace can help you to deal with anger towards others
Forgiving yourself so that you can create internal peace can help you to deal with anger towards others


What are some of the things you can do to deal with anger issues? How can you deal with anger effectively? What are some of the ways to deal with anger emotions? What are some of the tricks and strategies you can use to deal with anger healthily?

In this article, I want to show you how to deal with anger so that you can maintain strong relationships with your friends and your family members.

Now, what strategies can you use?

Forgive Yourself

One way to deal with anger is to forgive yourself when you make mistakes which you could have avoided easily. I realize that when I find it difficult to forgive myself, when I don’t forgive myself when I make terrible mistakes, I easily get irritated with other people and that makes me blurt out angry words when people provoke me.

When you don’t forgive yourself, there is discontent and frustration in your heart, which causes an internal war in you. This poisons your system and makes you irritable, thereby making you prone to respond angrily to situations which ordinarily you would not react in anger to.

Therefore, when you make silly mistakes, forgive yourself. When you mess up badly, forgive yourself and try to move on. You may say something such as, “Isaac, I am not happy with the way I behave. I should have done better on that occasion. I have learned lessons from this experience which will guide me into the future. I forgive myself. I must move on. Isaac, I forgive you.”

When you release yourself this way, you will create peace in your soul, which will alter your mood and make you feel happy. Consequently, you are more likely to be predisposed to be friendly to others, which will make you act cordially towards others. As a result, you are more likely to ignore petty irritations.

Say The Words “I Am Angry!” Repeatedly

Additionally, say the words “I am angry! I am angry! I am angry!” to yourself repeatedly, when you feel angry. I do this often when I am angry and I realize that the intensity of my anger reduces after I say it for about five minutes. Just keep saying those words to yourself for about five minutes and you will see that your temper will start to cool down.

When you acknowledge your feelings this way, some of the pain of what the other person did to hurt you leaves your body and then you feel inclined to start reconciliation.

Avoid Spending Too Much Time With People Prone To Anger

The Bible says in Proverbs 22 v 24 that, “Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.” In other words, when you spend a lot of time with people who get angry easily, you are very likely to start behaving like them, or it will help to reinforce your behavior and that will make it hard to control yourself and act with circumspection when you are angry.

So, choose to spend little time with friends and family members who you know are prone to get angry easily. Rather, choose to spend time with people who are able to manage their anger properly, people who control themselves and behave with maturity when they are angry. As you interact with them, as you observe how they respond to irritating and annoying situations, it is likely you will learn their ways and so you will find it easier to deal with your anger.

Use Self Corrective Discipline

When you mess up, when you are unable to react in a calm manner to a situation which you feel you could have acted calmly to, punish yourself quickly. For example, abstain from eating your favorite meal for a week or avoid watching your favorite TV program for a week—abstain from indulging in your favorite past time.

During this period, ruminate upon what you could have done to manage your anger better, and draw up strategies you will use to react calmly the next time you are provoked.

By disciplining yourself, you will help to awaken all your senses to co-operate to deal with your anger, you will remind yourself that you want to take this “project” seriously, and you will be motivated to exercise better self-discipline the next time you are irritated.

Ask Yourself Questions

When you feel angry, ask yourself these questions:

  1. Does this anger bring glory to God? Can I claim to be a child of God if I give in to this anger?
  2. If I respond angrily, if I insult this person or if I assault this person physically, will it help me to grow?
  3. Can I give a good testimony if I respond in anger? Will my children or the younger people around continue to respect me if I give in to this anger?
  4. Will it cause those who love me and care about me to stumble? Won’t my children, nephews , nieces learn from me? Is that what I want?

Think about these questions for a while and answer them. It will help you to see that by reacting angrily, you will disappoint God, it will not help you to mature as a person, you may lose the respect of your loved ones, and you will become a bad influence to some people who admire you and hold you in high esteem. These realizations may act as a deterrent to make you think about alternative ways of handling the disagreement, which will distract you long enough for your temper to cool down.

Learn From The Past

No matter how bad your temper is, there are times in the past when you chose to ignore some provocations and irritations.

Recall 10 of these incidents and write them down. Then, write down why you chose to let those irritations go without reacting in anger. Note those reasons carefully and commit them to memory.

The next time you are provoked, recall the times you chose to act calmly in the face of provocation and start thinking to yourself, “Just as I was able to remain calm when…happened, I can let this provocation too go. I have done it before and I can do it now.” As a result, you will adopt the habit of letting some things go.

As you keep practicing it as time goes on, you will find it easier to remain calm when you are provoked severely, you will build your capacity to let more painful hurts go without an angry response from you—it will become a habit.

Tense And Relax Your Muscles

Tension in the muscles is one change that occurs in the body when someone gets angry. And when you are able to ease this tension in your body, you can calm down mentally, and you will find it easier to cool down your temper.

So, when you feel your temper escalating, start to tense and relax the various parts of your body. Start with the muscles of your feet, proceed to your calves, your thighs and so on. Allow five seconds for each area.

As you relax the muscles in each part of your body, concentrate on the feeling of relaxation and keep that feeling in your mind, instead of concentrating on what the other person said which made you angry, or instead of concentrating on what he or she did to make you angry.

Tensing and relaxing the muscles will help to ease the tension in your body so that you will find it easier to feel relaxed physically, which in turn will help you to calm down.

Additionally, by concentrating on the relaxing feeling in your body, you can recreate that feeling in your mind. To do this, say something such as, “I feel relaxed. I can also make my mind to calm down. Calm down! Calm down! Think through what Isaac said before you react.”

Tell Someone About Your Feelings

Sharing your feelings with someone who will listen empathetically can help you to control yourself
Sharing your feelings with someone who will listen empathetically can help you to control yourself

Write Your Feelings Down, Or Tell Someone About Them

Research shows that when you write your feelings down, or when you talk about them to someone, it can help you to release the pain of what the other person did to you, and that can help you forgive, which can help the angry feelings to diffuse.

So, when you feel angry, take your journal and write. You may choose to do this simple exercise:

  • Create four columns in the journal.
  • Label the first column “What Made Me Angry,” label the second column “How I Reacted,” label the third column “How I Feel About The Other Person,” and label the fourth column “My Contribution To The Conflict.”
  • In the first column, write down the cause of the conflict. Write down what you thought and what you did when you got angry in the second column. In the third column, write down your feelings (try to be as honest as possible) and in the last column state the ways in which your behavior, your actions or inactions, might have made the other person react or behave the way he or she did.
  • By doing this exercise, the part of your brain which inhibits behavior will be activated. Consequently, there will be a reduced anger response in your brain and you will become less angry.

Spend Time With Your Pet

A pet can help you to calm down when you are angry. Research shows that the presence of a pet alone can help to reduce your blood pressure and breathing rate. Hence, the pet can help you to calm down when you are angry.

Additionally, it will be hard to keep on thinking about what someone did to annoy you when your dog is licking your face or nudging you.

Furthermore, when you touch your pet when you are angry, oxytocin will be released into your blood and this hormone will lower your blood pressure and your heart rate. Therefore, you can deal with the stress associated with your anger better and that will help you to calm down.

Moreover, the unconditional love your pet will show you will help you to feel relaxed so that you can find it easier to forgive whoever has offended you.

Yield To God

If a person chooses to put himself or herself in front of a large fire, it is no longer within his choice as to whether or not he will feel warm. He is going to feel warm, because the law of nature works independently of him from the moment he places himself under its sway, and as long as he stays there. All he has to do is go near the fire and he will be warm

In just the same way, when you yield yourself to God, He will produce spiritual fruit in your life, He will begin to operate in your life independently of you because you are under His control—He will give you His Holy Spirit, who will produce temperance in you, which will make it easier for you to control your temper.

How can you yield to God?

  • By reading the Bible every day and trying to practice what you read.
  • By praying to God about your anger problem and asking Him to help you deal with it.
  • By fasting regularly so that you can humble yourself before God.


This is how to deal with anger: forgive yourself when you make mistakes, say the words “I am angry!” repeatedly until you are able to calm down, spend a lot of time with people who manage their anger well, use self- corrective discipline, ask yourself certain pertinent questions when you are angry, learn from your past, tense and relax the muscles of our body when you get angry, write your feelings down, and yield to God.

How to Deal With Anger

Do you have time for your pet?

See results

© 2017 Isaac Nunoofio


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