ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

101 ways to FAIL at self improvement

Updated on January 10, 2012

  1. Get as little sleep as humanly possible.

  2. Avoid forgiving anyone for anything. Always hold a grudge as long as you can.

  3. Always practice “out of sight, out of mind.”

  4. Revel in your ignorance on important topics. Who wants to be smart anyway?

  5. Consider all art to be a waste of time.

  6. Avoid reading any books.

  7. Never do anything even close to meditation or yoga.

  8. Never lend money. If you must, make sure you charge interest.

  9. Ignore the opinions of people who are younger than you.

  10. Ignore all feedback. Improvement is a waste of time.

  11. Chain smoke.

  12. Never stand up for what you believe in.

  13. Always go with the flow of the crowd.

  14. Always choose cool over sensible.

  15. Worship mainstream celebrities.

  16. Keep a closed mind to all issues.

  17. Never formulate your own opinions.

  18. Spend 8+ hours per day playing video games.

  19. Avoid researching the things you believe in.

  20. Drown your sorrows in booze and drugs

21. Use people. The only person who matters is you.

22. Always judge people based on their outward appearance.

23. Never ever exercise ever. Avoid it like the plague.

24. If a goal requires any kind of work to accomplish, ignore it.

25. Remember, you have no control over your own happiness.

26. Always choose to run away from your problems instead of trying to solve them.

27. Tell the secrets of close friends to others

28. Hate those who hate you.

29. Always drink soda or beer instead of water.

30. Ignore your talents. They don't matter.

31. Choose money over happiness all the time.

32. Dismiss ethics as unimportant.

33. Avoid learning anything new ever.

34. Be skeptical of everything.

35. Never be skeptical, ever.

36. Avoid doing anything that might help anyone else.

37. Spend your time watching shows like Jersey Shore.

38. Avoid negative people. Leaving them to fester alone will fix their problems.

39. Stay firm in your assumptions.

40. Avoid bathing.

41. Litter relentlessly. Your car window is the best trash can.

42. Don't volunteer.

43. Ignore all children. They're someone else's responsibility.

44. Avoid shopping at small, local businesses.

45. You are a tool. Remember that.

46. Never vote.

47. Everything bad that happens to you is someone else's fault.

48. Always follow the money. It's the only thing that matters.

49. Believe that it's better to talk than to listen.

50. You can't do anything to make your life better. Only prayer or wishing can.

51. You know nothing is more important than having more material goods than those around you.

52. Worry relentlessly.

53. Avoid enjoying yourself if it seems like others might be looking down on you because of it.

54. Believe that credentials are the only true way to judge a person's intelligence.

55. Avoid everything that's even slightly painful or irritating, no matter how much good could come of it.

56. Immediate pleasure is too important to consider any sort of long term implications that might arise from it.

57. Believe that things will never change

58. Believe that “sustainability” is just a buzzword

59. Crying solves all problems.

60. Crying is also a sign of weakness.

61. Medication is the key to psychological well being.

62. You believe that if someone wants to get to know you better, they have to make the first move.

63. You believe that everyone else is a success and you are cursed and doomed to failure.

64. Always remember, being jaded is a sign of maturity.

65. You see your body as a tool that just mostly gets in the way.

66. Avoid ever visiting the sponsors of those who write articles like this one. If they starve (or get real jobs) you'll never have to read crap like this again.

67. You regularly break promises

68. You prefer quick fixes.

69. Make a habit out of telling other people how to live their lives.

70. You have no flaws. Remember that.

71. Don't care that choosing between the lesser of two evils still means choosing an evil.

72. You're not above attacking someone (physically or verbally) for their beliefs.

73. Believe that people never change.

74. You always take personally everything that others say around you.

75. You have unshakable faith that everything said in a book or a theory is unquestionably right.

76. Never apologize for anything.

77. Believe that you know more than anyone else about most things.

78. Make envy and jealousy are your most frequently indulged emotions.

79. Never be grateful for anything in your life. The world owes you more.

80. Honesty is never the best policy. Lying is a wonderful way to get what you want.

81. You make sure to always get back at those who hurt you, no matter what, even if hurting you was an accident.

82. Embrace passive aggressive behavior.

83. Embrace superficial co-dependency.

84. Judge others because they don't want to live the same “best life” that you have chosen for yourself.

85. Believe that the ends always justify the means, even if the means involve sacrificing lives.

86. Believe that people are either good or bad and should be appropriately loved or hated by everyone.

87. Things only have real meaning if they have meaning to you. No one else's opinion matters.

88. Status is the most important part of life.

89. You never forgive yourself for making mistakes.

90. Avoid ever getting to know your neighbors. They're probably all criminals or freaks anyway.

91. Hate the employees and servicemen of companies and governments because of what their bosses have ordered them to do.

92. Define yourself by what you do for a living or how attractive your mate is.

93. Expect everyone else to know or learn your language.

94. Spend all of your off time in bed.

95. Always choose cheap and easy food over healthy food.

96. Work yourself to death all the time.

97. Forget your limits.

98. Judge yourself based off of how well others are doing.

99. Embrace an all-or-nothing mentality.

100. Make the first thing you say to someone a criticism.

101. Beat yourself up because you're doing something mentioned in this list.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • twilanelson profile image

      Twila Nelson 

      6 years ago from Carmichael, California

      Fun and interesting Hub, thank you!

    • profile image 

      6 years ago

      Love it! it made me laugh. Thanks

    • vocalcoach profile image

      Audrey Hunt 

      6 years ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      I left a comment earlier, however it seems to have lost itself somewhere. This is such a good hub and I sincerely hope many people read this. When my son died, I suddenly realized how unimportant "things" really are. I gave away many possessions and began living a new way of life. Everything I own and wear is now recycled. Love is all that matters. Thank you so much. Voted UP+.

      Peace to you


    • rasta1 profile image

      Marvin Parke 

      6 years ago from Jamaica

      Nice humor, You basically just described all materially successful people.

    • Healthy Pursuits profile image

      Karla Iverson 

      6 years ago from Oregon

      Great! Fantastic list of anti-improvement steps! However, there's one more:

      Believe that old is just gray; listening to years of experience isn't worth looking at wrinkles.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)