- Health Care, Drugs & Insurance
15 Things Not Allowed in a Hospital Waiting Room
The hospital waiting room
Although This Hub is a Comedy Piece,
I can assure you that the contents are not that far from the truth. Sick patients are packed into the hospital waiting room like sardines, and then expected to feel good about seeing the physician who is never on-time.
You are actually a prisoner inside the waiting room. You have no rights. Nothing to do to pass the time. The magazines are all outdated and what makes you more angry is that you see the doctor's name on the mailing label and you have to think doesn't this doctor make enough dough to keep his subscriptions updated?
You begin to have one panic attack after the other. Sweat pours off of your head. You are about ready to go back home because being here is worse than the sickness you are bearing.
Just keep in mind that you cannot do anything . . .but wait.
You are so sick that
you hate to get dressed and head to your local hospital. But you have no choice. Those over-the-counter pills and tonics are not helping you with that high fever, profuse sweating, clammy hands, and hands shaking for no reason.
You've "been to this dance" before. You park the car, go through the two glass doors and sign the waiting list, and before you sit down, you check to see how many people are ahead of you.
But someone told you some propaganda about how the hospital has changed for the better, for as you sit down, you grab a Sports Afield magazine from 1966, and say under your breath, "Nothing has changed," in reference to the waiting room. It's as if you stepped back to the last time you were here about six years ago when you broke your neck.
Here are the things that never change about a hospital waiting room:
- Kids crying so loud that you cover your ears
- Parents scolding kids so loud you put your head between your knees
- The smells are so sickening that you pray to die.
- The nurse at the Patient's Desk is so ill-tempered you hate to ask if you will ever see the doctor.
- One elderly person on one side of you is talking to another elderly person on the other side of you and they only talk about their failing body parts. These old people had no way of knowing that you are very suggestive.
A full-house hospital waiting room
More waiting room activities
Read and learn
These . . .
"15 Things Not Allowed in a Hospital Waiting Room"
and your wait might be a little easier.
- You are not allowed to use abrasive language toward any crying child ages 14 and over just because they are bellowing in your ear while their parents are coming down from a buzz.
- You are not allowed to play Led Zeppelin as loud as you please--although there might be a few people side with you for doing that.
- You cannot stand on the waiting room furniture and yell vulgar threats to the Patient's Desk nurse or any employee who happens to show their face in the waiting room.
- You cannot make-out like crazy with any hot girl while waiting on the doctor.
- You cannot call up a friend on your cell phone and tell her nasty jokes and laugh so loud that other patients cannot hear their name called.
- You are not allowed to play darts in the waiting room using the photos of the doctors as targets.
- Wrestling matches are forbidden in the waiting room.
- Drinking beer, whiskey or any alcoholic beverage is certainly not allowed due to the hospital employees hassling you for a free drink.
- All pets are to be left at home. Unless their name is Paris Hilton.
- Sleeping on the waiting room floor is strictly-forbidden because the hospital janitor might think you are a trash bag that needs to be taken out.
- Winking and throwing kisses at hot women is not acceptable. Some of these "hot" women might be transsexuals who are there for a hormone shot.
- Animal impressions are forbidden. The doctor you are to see is not an animal-lover.
- Telling the Patient Desk nurse lies like, "Hey, I am the doctor's brother from Europe. Can you not hurry me in to see my brother whom I've not seen in ten years?" is highly frowned upon.
- Eating huge amounts of food and leaving the empty boxes and trash left in the floor. Now if you eat huge amounts of food and share it with the hospital staff, you will not be in that much trouble.
- Charging other patients $50-dollars each telling them that "you" can get them into see the doctor without having to sit and grow old is against hospital policy.
And friend, please do not wear a doctor's white lab coat and a stethoscope just so you can get ahead of the other sick people will get you locked-up in jail.
I threw that last one in because it made sense.