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34 and kinda content

Updated on May 14, 2011

Learning to look ahead

  May 8th, for those of my friends that read this and didn't know or remember, was my 34th birthday, the same day as Mother's Day. It was kinda a bittersweet day because I didn't have that Mom to spend it with. I tried to give people a break that didn't remember because that day was so special to a lot of people because of that. I can't make people that I think of as my friends do what I want them to do and I have to either expect that and do my thing or lose them. I have chosen to know who my real friends are and who try and who just aren't, so yes I guess I just might be growing up some.

  I am also happy to report that I did find a full-time job on April 19, 2011. That would be almost 1 year and 1 month to the day that I was unemployed from a certain department store catalog. I found it further funny that my last unemployment report was put in on Easter Sunday, LOL. I will say that it isn't my dream job and it has its issues, but it is better than what I had and definitely better than nothing. I can finally say, after getting my first paycheck, lol, that I am rather content with life. I don't hate my life anymore, but I am sure not happy with the status quo either. I gave up 2 part-time job that I could have worked around to be able to sleep in the morning or do whatever I want and to be able to go back to school. I want a man that will like me for me and not want a perfect Stepford girlfriend/wife that I will never be. I can finally say that I will take the role that has been placed on me quite a few times, I am something of a free spirit. I read 3-4 books at a time usually, I like that I know actual history, art, and stupid facts that people just look at you and go..."How the hell did she know that??"" I like that I watch the Oscars more for the movies then what the women are wearing...okay I do look at what they are wearing and George Clooney :) I am no longer gonna apologize for what I want and asking for it. I will also no longer be made to feel dumb because I want human contact from a person beyond a computer screen, whether it be friends, family, or future boyfriends.

  The future that I want for myself is around the corner and I am gonna get it. I know my sister has my back and I hope some of my friends are really gonna be there for me too. We all need that human connection and love, and if you say you don't, then you are lying to yourself.

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