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50 Ways To Retain A Healthy Level of Insanity

Updated on January 1, 2013

WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF WIT & WONK

When the world's going to heck in a handbasket, there's nothing to do but go bonkers, lose your marbles, or master the art of making pigs-in-a-blanket.

This light-hearted lens is devoted to discovering wonderful ways to delight your brain without the use of daffy diets, exhausting exercise, or any artificial stimulants.

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Image Credit: www.grinningplanet.com/2004/12/14

If you think you've got problems... - Trust me, you don't know what it's like to be toadily insane.

Frankly, if you think eating a shipment of fresh vegetables sent by parsely post will improve my despondent disposition at the thought of learning how to charm a serpent in the Year of the Snake, you've got to be kidding.

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Image Credit: colorado-ts.com/#674-P2082.png

DON'T TAKE YOURSELF SO SERIOUSLY. - No one else does!

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"Happiness is good health and a bad memory."

-- Ingrid Bergman (1915-1982), Swedish actress --

PAJAMA PARTIES GIVE US A GREAT EXCUSE TO OUR MIRTH MUSCLES! (Image: Yalipaz - The Essence of Innocence@flickr.com)

PAJAMA PARTIES GIVE US A GREAT EXCUSE TO OUR MIRTH MUSCLES! (Image: Yalipaz - The Essence of Innocence@flickr.com)
PAJAMA PARTIES GIVE US A GREAT EXCUSE TO OUR MIRTH MUSCLES! (Image: Yalipaz - The Essence of Innocence@flickr.com)

25 WAYS TO RETAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY

Paraphrasing Vimrod ... in these turbulent times, there's nothing quite like taking a full-on frontal plunge into a cake to make one feel good!

Of course if that doesn't put a smile on your face and offer you a sweet way to lick your lips, then try the following 25 things which may bring some insanity to your all together bland and boring life:

1. Wear socks that don't match (preferably brightly striped or neon colored ones).

2. Be daring for a day. Sit in a parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars just to see if they slow down.

3. Time to empty your piggy bank and pay your utility bill in pennies.

4. Empower yourself by signing all your email, "Xena Princess Warrior" or "King Kong" (c'mon, try it for at least one day.)

5. Celebrate "Hippy Hygiene Day" by singing a naughty song in the shower every other morning.

6. Anytime anyone requests that you to do something for them, ask if they want fries with it.

7. Humor everyone by wearing a pair of flippers to work on "Casual Fridays".

8. Point out the fact you lead a balanced lifestyle by placing one garbage can on your desk and label it "In Basket", and placing another one on your desk and label it "Out Basket".

9. Celebrate "Happy Hippocampus Day" by buying an ugly plant, giving it a name, and whispering sweet nothings to the leaves every day.

10. Create oodles of doodles or funky finger-painting pieces; then invite friends/foes to visit your "Museum of Bad Art" (in a throne room of your own choosing).

11. Speak Pig Latin to your clients, customers, or colleagues at least once a week (and tell them you're brushing up on a foreign language).

12. Be the last of the big spenders by writing in the memo field of all your checks: "For services rendered smuggling diamonds".

13. Wear a red-nose to work on Monday (and if anyone asks, tell them you had a run-in with Rudolph over the weekend).

14. Finish all your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy", or "May the Force Be With You Evermore".

15. Offer a fitness course in your workplace on how to wiggle your ears and nose with flair and aplomb.

16. Avoid using any punctuation in an email, text message, or snail mail at least once in your life!

17. Blow soap bubbles as an icebreaker at your next corporate retreat.

18. As often as possible, skip rather than walk non-chalantly on the street.

19. When life gives you lemons, find the nearest sourpuss and pass them along!

20. Send a billet-doux to a special someone written in invisible ink.

21. Order a "Diet Water" or "Stone Soup" at a fine restaurant, and then act distraught when the server looks confused or dismayed at your reasonable request.

22. Organize a heffalump hunting expedition and send out invitations with a rubber dart enclosed.

23. Visit a sacred spot and inquire who is the God of Missing Socks and where you can find Hosiery Heaven.

24. Sing along at the opera or play your kazoo at the symphony.

25. Ask a kid where's the best place to catch a falling star and put it in one's pocket.

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Image Credit: Vimrod cartoon - lastlemon.com/7847.gif

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every blinking minute of it!

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every blinking minute of it!
I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every blinking minute of it!

What's rattling around in your brain today?

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Image Credit: Vimrod cartoon - thatsbaloney.com?circus in my head.jpg

"You're only given a little spark of madness. You musn't lose it."

-- Robin Williams, American actor and comedian

"Waldo Weirdo" Wacky Wunderkin of the Month (Illustration by Bill Mayer)

"Waldo Weirdo" Wacky Wunderkin of the Month (Illustration by Bill Mayer)
"Waldo Weirdo" Wacky Wunderkin of the Month (Illustration by Bill Mayer)

25 MORE WAYS TO RETAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY

If we consider the possibility that "earth is an insane asylum, to which other planets deport their lunatics" (Voltaire), or "maybe this world is another planet's Hell" (Aldous Huxley), then we certainly need at least 25 more ways to retain a healthy level of insanity just to keep all the aliens and natives happy!

1. Stroke your pet rock while talking to a client or customer, and if asked what you're doing, tell the person you're massaging a merry-challenged metaphoric mineral mass.

2. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme?

3. Wear a sandwich board for a day that says, "What color is your belly-button lint?"

4. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day at your workstation.

5. Place a classified ad on inside window of your car: "For Sale: One Doghouse plus Unspecified Occupant".

6. Five days in advance, tell your friends that you can't attend their party because your doctor informed you that you're suffering from a highly contagious disease, party-pooperitus.

7. When standing in line at the check-out counter, ask the person in front or behind you if they have a recipe for "Peter Piper's Pickled Peppers".

8. Have your colleagues address you by your mud-wrestling name, "Horvath the Horrible", or "Hespera Haven't You Done It Yet!"

9. Using a can of shaving crème, decorate the vehicle of a family member or friend on their birthday...maybe a smiley face or two?

10. When money comes out of the ATM machine, scream "I Won! I Won!"

11. Ask the pharmacist or retail clerk where you can find "Dr. Dracula's Toothpaste" on the shelf?

12. When leaving the petting zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling: "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!!"

13. Text message your boss and tell him that your "Aunt Hortence" from Monkey's Eyebrow, Kentucky or "Uncle Mortimer" from Slapneck, Michigan will be replacing you at work today.

14. Invent some imaginary friends to help you at work and, when the boss asks you to do some belt tightening, just turn to one of your imaginary friends and say, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

15. Solicit signatures on a petition to ban the hunting of wockets out of season.

16. Write a short resume and cover letter for a professional mattress tester seeking employment as a casual or full-time Mattress-Tester with a bedding manufacturer or retailer.

17. Give your immune system a boost, eat dessert first or, at the very least, eat broccoli for breakfast!

18. Write a short email to a bus line or airline requesting the price of a seat for your imaginary friend named "Harvey" (who stands about 6 feet tall, weighing 350 lbs, with large floppy ears and a short white tail).

19. Eliminate energy drainers in your life, by vowing to avoid toxic teetotalers and boisterous bible thumpers at all costs.

20. Write a short note to a local university or educational institution proposing a rare gift-in-kind contribution to their collection of curiosities, a travelling gnome named "Spinoza Smith".

21. Reduce your commute to work by letting your fingers do the walking.

22. Avoid loneliness by befriending little lost souls like Enigmatic Eeyore, Wilma Worrywart, or William Wet-Blanket.

23. Enjoy a skinnydip in your birthday suit (just make sure it's a bubble bath to hide all those love-handles.)

24. Sign up for a toe-wrestling tournament, (what do you mean you have two left feet?)

25. Every time you see a broom yell, "Honey, your Mum's here!"

A LITTLE LOONEY TUNE NEVER HURT!

A POTTY POLL

If you could do one thing to change the world and make it a better place, what would it be?

See results

AND NOW A FEW WORDS FROM THE "MAD HATTER" - ...Curious conversation indeed...at a Mad Tea Party of course!

Twinkle twinkle little bat!

How I wonder what you're at!

Up above the world you fly

like a tea tray in the sky.

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NOTE: Quotation from Lewis Carroll's 19th century novel, "Alice in Wonderland" with illustrations by John Tenniel.

"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you."

(Rita Mae Brown, American mystery writer).

INKLINGS OF INSANITY

Here are a few pithy pieces to remind everyone the need for a fools, faux pas's and false realities.

I have my own little world but, it's okay - they know me here. -- Author unknown

Sanity is very rare: every man almost, and every woman, has a dash of madness. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

There is a thin line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line. -- Oscar Levant (1906-1972), an American pianist, composer, author, comedian, and actor.

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. -- Mark Twain a.k.a. Samuel Langhorne Clemens (1835-1910), an American humorist, satirist, and lecturer.

Everyone is more or less mad on one point. -- Joseph Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936), an English author and poet.

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it. -- Author unknown

Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule. -- Friedrich Nietsche (1844-1900), German Philosopher.

Madness takes its toll. Please have the exact change. -- Anonymous.

I haven't lost my mind; I have a tape-back up somewhere. -- Author unknown.

"The more things change, the more they remain... insane."

-- Michael Fry and T. Lewis, from "Over the Hedge" (syndicated comic strip), 05-09-04 --

"Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage." (H.L. Mencken, American humorist)

"Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage." (H.L. Mencken, American humorist)
"Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage." (H.L. Mencken, American humorist)

THREE MEN ON THE MEANING OF MADNESS

"We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe." (Goethe)

"Earth is an insane asylum, to which the other planets deport their lunatics."(Voltaire)

"When the world goes mad, one must accept madness as sanity; since sanity is, in the last analysis, nothing but the madness on which the whole world happens to agree." (G. B. Shaw)

IT'S A WACKY WACKY WORLD OUT THERE!

51 Wacky We-Search Reports: Face the Facts With Fun
51 Wacky We-Search Reports: Face the Facts With Fun

A great way to put some whee back in your life!

 
Wacky Laws, Weird Decisions, & Strange Statutes
Wacky Laws, Weird Decisions, & Strange Statutes

And you thought you were living in the loony-bin...find out where it's illegal to step out of the plane while it's in the air and why chickens can't cross the road in Quitman, Georgia.

 
They Did WHAT?!: Your Guide to Weird and Wacky Things People Do
They Did WHAT?!: Your Guide to Weird and Wacky Things People Do

Now you know you're not the only one who's weird...whether you're a kid or an adult!

 
Minnesota Trivia (Weird, Wacky, Wild)
Minnesota Trivia (Weird, Wacky, Wild)

Who says people and places in Minnesota are boring?

 

"Humor is just another defense against the universe."

-- Mel Brooks, American writer and movie director --

SO YOU THINK THINGS ARE BAD AT YOUR END OF THE SWAMP? - Just be glad you're not Santa who's stuck in some frigging chimney with not hope in heck of delivering a

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Image Credit: Santa illustration - centralcoastoutdooradentures.com

American Mills 15-Inch Round Plush Green Frog Pillow
American Mills 15-Inch Round Plush Green Frog Pillow

Who could resist this toadily awesome treat?

 

Feel free to leave a ripsnorting running commentary on the best way to lose your marbles when the alligators get you down!

COGENT COMMENTS FROM THE PEANUT GALLERY - Have you got more than 50 ways to retain a healthy level of insanity?

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    • profile image

      Leanne Chesser 6 years ago

      I love the suggestions here! Blessed.

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      Of all the things ive lost in life, my mind i miss the most!

    • chrisqw profile image

      chrisqw 6 years ago

      Lovely lens. Completely insane. Thank you!

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      I like it LOL.

    • profile image

      anonymous 8 years ago

      LOL! Love your lens (5*) and thanks for joining my Stress Relief Group.

      Abbas

      Holistic self Improvement

    • profile image

      anonymous 8 years ago

      well on the other hand... you have different fingers. well yea that is a deep thought.

      just remember laughter is the best medicine.

    • ecogranny profile image

      Kathryn Grace 8 years ago from San Francisco

      My favorite line here: "Visit a sacred spot and inquire who is the God of Missing Socks and where you can find Hosiery Heaven." But then there's "When standing in line at the check-out counter, ask the person in front or behind you if they have a recipe for 'Peter Piper's Pickled Peppers'." Oh! Oh! and ... oh heck, this lens is full of plenty I can use. Eheheheheheh.

    • profile image

      Vanessa07 8 years ago

      I personally enjoy being crazy every so often! =]

    • Wendy L Henderson profile image

      Wendy Henderson 8 years ago from PA

      Another excellent lens.

    • monarch13 profile image

      monarch13 8 years ago

      You have tied for Second Place in The Excellence Awards at The Healthy, Wealthy and Wise Group! If you would like a badge to display your award, please let me know.

      Congratulations and Good Health!

      Michelle (monarch13)

    • EpicFarms profile image

      EpicFarms 8 years ago

      Personally, I am a firm believer that sanity is highly overrated. For additional information (okay, evidence) you are welcome to visit my lens: https://hubpages.com/relationships/conniecrankpot I totally enjoyed this lens! 5* and great job :o)

    • monarch13 profile image

      monarch13 8 years ago

      You are one of The Healthy, Wealthy and Wise Group Member Excellence Award Nominees!

      5 Stars, Congratulations and Good Luck!

    • profile image

      anonymous 8 years ago

      Once again you have delivered the goods of goofiness!

      I especially like the idea about the doghouse for sale with unspecified occupant.

      Hilarious!