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8 Smart Ways to Deal With Anger

Updated on January 14, 2018

8 Smart Ways to Deal With Anger

How to deal with anger: Remind yourself of times when you have also angered other people
How to deal with anger: Remind yourself of times when you have also angered other people


You have a problem with anger, right? And you have been having angry outbursts often, right? Can you imagine having an angry outburst one day and then ending up in hospital as a result of a heart attack? It seems far-fetched? It might not be!

According to research, when you get angry often, it can increase your risk of suffering a heart attack.

So, how do you deal with anger problems? How do you deal with anger issues in a relationship? How do you deal with anger at school? How do you deal with anger and frustration so that you can avoid getting a heart attack?

In this article, I want to show you how to deal with anger, the practical, human things you must do, and how to deal with anger spiritually, if you have serious problems controlling yourself, so that you can solve this problem holistically.

Now, let’s look at what you need to do.

Find Out The Things That Make You Angry

Over a period of time, let’s say three months, write down the situations, the words which people say, and what people do which makes you angry. This will give you a fair idea of what triggers your anger response.

Keep this journal of these stressors and read it often so that you can understand the things that make you angry, which will help you to think about them and to devise strategies to deal with your emotions when you encounter the stressors.

Subsequently, when you find yourself in a situation that you know can cause you to get angry, monitor your body for emotional signs of anger, such as irritation, resentment, bitterness, a rising voice, defensiveness, tense muscles, an increased heart rate, sweating, or shaking.

Immediately you see these signs, when you feel that the symptoms are escalating, leave the scene and redirect your anger at something, such as poverty. For example, you might say, “I hate you, poverty, and I will do my best to fight you in this world.” Or, if you are a worker and your boss makes you angry, redirect your anger by thinking, “I will work harder so that I can also get a promotion in order that I will also become a supervisor one day.”

By redirecting your anger and trying to think about ways you can use your anger positively, your brain will release the feel-good hormone dopamine, which will make you feel good. Consequently, your anger will subside.

Have A Plan For Very Challenging Situations

Failing to prepare yourself mentally when you know that you are likely to encounter some of your triggers, or when you are going into situations where you are likely to meet people and situations that will irritate you, can increase the likelihood that you will be stressed when you are provoked, which will increase the chances that you will react with anger when someone irritates you.

On the other hand, when you prepare yourself mentally for situations where you are likely to face your triggers, when you anticipate challenges in advance and you plan what you will do when you meet them, you will not be struck by surprise, and you will have a stronger will to deal with any situation you face.

So, write down your triggers, and beside each one write down a comprehensive action plan detailing what you will choose to say, how you will choose to react, and what you will do when you feel that you are losing control, when you face each trigger.

Read this plan often, take it with you wherever you go so that you can refer to it to keep you focused, or memorize it so that it will be the first thing that comes to your mind when you start getting angry so that you can take appropriate measures to control yourself.

Remind Yourself Of The Times When You Have Also Annoyed Other People

  • When you see that you are getting angry, or when you are so angry that you feel you will explode in anger, take in a deep breathe, walk away from the situation which is causing you to be so angry, and sit down for a minute so that you can calm down.
  • Then, take a pen and jotter and recall times when you have also irritated other people. Write down 20 things you have done to annoy family members, friends, work colleagues, or school mates in the past, which made them angry.
  • Ruminate upon specific examples where people chose to restrain themselves when they could have acted angrily towards you, or where they acted calmly when they could have assaulted you because of what you did to them.
  • Reflect on the fact that you will continue to offend other people.
  • Then say something such as this to yourself, “I have also made others angry in the past and they were calm and they forgave me. I must also calm down because I want others to treat me the way I treat them. If I don’t control myself, then others will also not control themselves when they get angry with me.”

By doing this, you will realize that others have been gracious towards you in the past and so you must also try to be gracious towards others. Consequently, it will make you more willing to cool down so that there will be peace between others and you.

Look At Annoying Situations From The Right Perspective

A way to deal with anger is to see the positive side of irritating situations. When someone provokes you or irritates you, see it as a chance to prove to yourself and to those around you that you are a mature person, instead of seeing a provocation as a chance to show the other person that you are not a wimp, that you are not a bold person.

Use that opportunity to show that you are a man or woman who can restrain himself or herself when provoked. Think about the respect you will gain as a result of that choice, the admiration you will receive from friends and colleagues, and it will motivate you to calm down.

Learn To Be Patient

One excellent way to deal with anger and bitterness is to try to be more patient when someone annoys you. How can you do that?

  • Ask yourself, “If I respond to this provocation now, won’t I say something that I will regret later? Won’t I overreact?” If the answer to those two questions is yes, then choose to wait for another time to react to the person. It will give you time to think through what caused the provocation, you may see that you contributed to the situation in the first place, and that will help you to restrain yourself.
  • Think before you respond to annoying situations. When someone annoys you, choose to take five deep breathes, and choose to craft something that will help you to maintain the peace between the other person and yourself, such as “Calm down Isaac! Control yourself!” before you open your mouth to speak. This will give you time to fight the urge to respond rashly, to give you time to manage your emotions in such a way that by the time you speak, the anger would have subsided. Additionally, you may realize, after a few seconds of thinking about the situation, that what offended you is not such a big deal which you should be angry about and it will make you more willing to calm down.
  • According to the American Psychological Association, it is advisable to leave the scene where the source of the anger is so that you can have time to replace angry thoughts with thoughts of peace and so that you can think deeply about how you will react.
  • Remind yourself often that trying to be patient will pay off. Think about the fact that it will help you to have more satisfying relationships, you will remain calmer, and that will prevent you from developing hypertension or from suffering a heart attack. When you start getting angry, say something such as this to yourself, “There are many ways I will benefit if I stay calm. I will live a more satisfying life if I stay calm. I will not be provoked. I will not respond to this petty irritation with anger. I will not become frustrated. I do not necessarily have to be angry although that guy has provoked me. I can still deal with the situation if I choose to react in a calm manner. I choose to be calm!” It will help you to think about alternative ways of solving the problem without exhibiting anger.

Don’t Always Desire To Be In Control

One of the things that can cause anger is when you feel that you must always be in control of situations, and certain situations make you feel you have lost control of your life or of a situation.

Therefore, learn to accept the fact that you cannot be in control of situations all the time, if you want to deal with anger. Additionally, accept that there are situations and circumstances that will be beyond your control which you can do nothing about.

When you feel as though you are losing control, say something such as this to yourself, “There are things and situations I can control, and there are things I cannot control. Whatever happens, I will remember that only God is in control of everything. I will be content even when I am not in control of a situation. I will just do my best in every situation and leave the rest to God.”

Meditate On Passages From The Bible Often

Research shows that when you meditate often, it can help you to boost your willpower. With a strong will, you will find it easier to keep your negative feelings under control when you are pushed to the wall. Furthermore, during meditation, the mind tends to wander often. And anytime you bring your wandering mind back to think about what you are doing, to focus on the present, you are teaching yourself self-control. That act of always trying to become aware of yourself again when your mind wanders will help you to control your feelings.

Additionally, one way to deal with anger, according to the Bible, is to meditate on God’s word. Therefore, every day, take a passage from the Bible that talks about self-control, such as, Proverbs 16 v 32 which says, “He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.” Read it, try to reflect on it, ask God to help you understand the deeper meaning of this verse, and try to commit it to memory.

Whenever your mind strays, bring it back to this verse and you will be building your capacity to control your emotions. Subsequently, you will find it easier to control yourself when you are angry.

Then, try to recall it whenever someone makes you angry, instead of reacting to the person. Keep saying it until you feel you have reasonable control over your anger before you speak.


Research shows that when one prays when he or she is angry, it can help that person to control the anger.

So, when you are very angry, say a prayer to deal with anger such as this one, “Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You for all the blessings that you have bestowed upon me. Lord, what Isaac just said has made me angry. You say in the Bible that we should be angry but we should not sin. Please help me to control my anger so that I will not desire to revenge against Isaac. Please help me to think positive thoughts that will help me to calm down. Please help me to restrain myself, help me to be able to respond in a clam, measured way so that I can maintain the peace and the friendship between the two of us. Amen.”


Some of the effective ways to deal with anger are to understand yourself and what causes you to get angry, to plan to deal with annoying situations, to look at provocations as an opportunity to grow, to learn to be patient, and to learn to leave the control of certain situations to God.

Spiritually, you can deal with this emotion by meditating on passages of scripture often, as well as by praying to God to help you.

8 Smart Ways to Deal With Anger

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© 2017 Isaac Nunoofio


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