9 Self-Empowering Statements that Build Up Your Stress Resilience
I am in a calling that modifies and influences the behaviour of my participants that can lead them to higher productivity, self-mastery and a wholistic well-being. I usually provide them with take-aways by breaking down their self-defeating thoughts while replacing them with powerful self-declarations. In the Psychology of Learning, you need to unlearn something so you can learn something new. In doing so, you are starting to fortify your stress resilience while you are undergoing your learning curves. The most exciting part of this is that, you are not only learning something new but rather, you are also re-creating yourself towards your better version every single day. It is important that this powerful thinking becomes a habit. If this has reached your mind’s unconscious level, you become more resilient and more adaptable to stress because this skill becomes permanent and can automates itself. Your positive reaction towards stress becomes a reflex action instead of wrestling through it – convincing yourself to do it. It becomes your way of life and thus, allows you to attract more good things that this life can offer. Just like what a popular African proverb says, “If there is no enemy within, then the enemy outside can do us no harm.”
- “I am what I do at work.” VS “My role in the office is just a facet of who I am.”
Some people identify themselves with what they do at work. They tend to create invisible labels to themselves, open their own boxes and trap themselves inside – barely moving at all. This is probably one of the reasons why there are a lot of employees who have lost their zest to work at their best just because, they see their worth based on how these people in the office see theirs. You are far more valuable than who you think you are and it goes beyond the walls of your office.
2. “Practice makes me perfect.” VS “Practice makes me better.”
This old adage makes people set unrealistic standards of themselves and they are even afraid to commit mistakes. Practice allows you to master a skill and in the process of acquiring new skills, you get to commit mistakes. If you are not experiencing mistakes then probably, you are not trying hard enough. Do not be allergic to failures. F.A.I.L only means that it is your First Attempt In Learning. Carry on and do not be disheartened.
3. “I can achieve anything by using positive thinking alone.” VS “I can achieve anything by using mental contrasting.” Too high expectations through purely positive thinking makes you more vulnerable to stress. Imagine you have a presentation to the Management Committee and you talked your way out to stress by believing that everything will go well as planned. However, on the next day, your LCD projector stopped working. You haven’t prepared any print-outs to the panel and what’s worst was that, your other team members did not show up leaving you alone and humiliated in front of the Heads. You see, mental contrasting is using positive thinking while balancing it with negative thinking. This means that, even though you have high hopes for your presentation the next day, you are also prepared whenever things won’t go well as planned. Using positive thinking alone makes you relaxed and carefree.
4. “I don’t have what it takes to get there.” VS “I am open to learning new skills.”
Most people get stuck with stress because they ask themselves problem-focused questions such as, “What’s wrong with me?”, “Why can’t I have a sterling education like them?”, “Why was I born from poor parents?”, and the list goes on and on. This list of excuses can go as far as blaming fate that you are born this way. The more you use problem-focused questions, the more you are trapped to more problems just because this is the nature of this type of questioning. You must learn how to shift to solution-focused questions such as, “What can I do now that will allow me to acquire this skill?”, “What can I do that would allow me to achieve what they have achieved?”, “How can I make use of my time to become the person I want to be?”. Please be mindful that the latter type of questioning focuses more on what he can control. He quits playing the role of a victim in his own self-inflicted drama. Everything can be learned.
5. “I’ll put this big task off for another day.” VS “I keep on working on this task until it gets done.” Procrastinating big tasks for another day sets yourself to more stress. Don’t wait for a perfect moment to start doing something. Each day that you leave the task untouched builds more pressure on you. There is no last-minute genius. If you think there is, imagine the quality of work they could have done if they have prepared it very well. Now, imagine that you are in a reality contest like, “Man VS Food” and you are served with a roasted elephant. You are tasked to eat everything leaving only the bones. How do you proceed? It’s simple. You have to eat it piece by piece until you consume everything. This is the same thing with work. You break a whole chunk into pieces and you work on it little by little.
6. “I don’t have what she has. I want to have what she has.” VS “I don’t have what she has but I have everything I need and I am grateful for what I have.”Comparing yourself to other people especially on what you can see on the social media creates more stress. I want to lift the words from my cousin Liz Ebarvia from her former post on Facebook. She powerfully says, “You can easily scroll through Twitter or FB or any other social media stream at any given time on any given day & feel completely lacking & inadequate when you start comparing your life to those of the people you follow. But the problem is, you're comparing the very WORST moment of your day with the very BEST of theirs. And you're also comparing your path to theirs, & every time you do that, you will always come up lacking, because what is for them is not for you. On the flip side of that coin is: What is for YOU is not for THEM. You don't have to panic because you don't have what they have...you simply have to trust in the beauty of what YOU have. And it is enough. You possess every talent, every quality, everyTHING you could possibly ever need to walk your path. So relax. Stop comparing & stop competing. What's for them will never be yours & what's for you will never be theirs & the beautiful thing about God and about life is that everybody ends up exactly where they should be, when they should be, & who they should be. Always.” I cannot add more to that. She nailed the message home.
7. “I choose and act on decisions based on what I value the most.” VS “I choose and act on decision based on what the crowd value the most.” Doing something out of your will creates stress because you can’t find any meaning to what you do if it is not your choice in the first place. Know what is most important to you and do everything in your capacity to protect it. Never get swayed on what others tell you to do
8. “I am the only one in the planet who is experiencing this heaven’s wrath. Why is this happening to me? This is so unfair.” VS “There are other people like me who have experienced this and was able to get out of this alive, whole and complete.” Just for the record, let me tell you upfront that life is not fair. Do not exaggerate your problems to the point of persecuting yourself. Everyone has their own share of burden. Be happy and be at peace that this difficult moment will make you whole and complete
9. “I should not trust anyone. I can handle this on my own.” VS “I trust and accept the support from others even if it would make me vulnerable.” You need other people. You cannot handle everything on your own. Deciding to trust people by seeing them in a good light allows you to feel good. If you keep on doubting them or trying to catch doing something bad against you, you will eventually succeed because what you focus on becomes real before your eyes. This is true for wives who always accuse that their husbands are cheating on them. The husbands suddenly register all these nagging to his unconscious mind until one day, he permits himself to engage in extra marital affairs. Use your energy positively by trusting. Trusting people transforms them as well, They become who you want to see them. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. What good can you get from being paranoid of every person around you, anyway?
I hope these take-aways can be of help to you. The world is waiting for the gift that you only have. However, God cannot use you nor your gifts if you are afraid. Step up, have the courage and trust in the beauty of your struggles as they will take their roles in transforming you to be the person you always wanted to be.