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A Letter to the World

Updated on June 27, 2013

Dear World,


I have something to say and I need you to listen. For once, I want you to listen and not judge. You've seen me trip and you've seen me fall. Many times, you were the one who had pushed me down.

You laughed. And you taunted. Boy did you ever taunt! You disregarded and belittled my disabilities, my difficulties, especially my effort, and most especially and destructivel...y, my humanity.

You'd say things like "try harder" and "tough it out", "cowboy up" and, the tired, cliche'd and meaningless "bootstraps" speech. You'd say other things. You'd badger "you don't get it *yet*?!", "how can you be so smart and yet so dumb" and "Even *you* should be able to do THIS."

You'd utter such sarcasm and ridicule as "for real?" and "come on, Stanley" and "don't be so lazy"...ah...and my favorite "Seriously?"

You'd do things like ground me, keep me after school, chastise me IN class, ask "do you want me to smash you?" (to a second grader!!!). You'd ignore my requests, my pleading for help, and you'd laugh at me for getting "emotional".

You'd say, upon my quizzical look "I just wanna smoosh your face"! You'd say "men need to be trained". WOOF! You'd go back on promises and fail to follow through on the simplest of mandated compliances.

You'd fire me after giving me notice of reappointment. You'd try to take the credit for my efforts and cover your pathetic Judas ass for reasons you have yet to disclose...YET to disclose!

You'd file a criminal complaint against me for daring to speak the truth in public. You'd pretend to misinterpret a common metaphor just to paint the worst picture of me. Cause that's what you wanted to show. That's what you wanted to see.

You'd arrest me, without reading me anything from the Miranda warning, and why? Because I feel asleep in my parked car! You'd say "yer not gettin' it" and, to my insistence that I wasn't doing anything illegal "that doesn't matter"!

That doesn't matter?!

You would betray me, and decency itself, and yes, you would OH so judge me. You mocked me. You didn't give a shit.

Here's what you didn't do. You didn't listen. You did not offer to help. You didn't accept me. You did not and DO not know me. You mocked me. You didn't give a shit.

I would say things like "I AM trying" and "could you repeat that please?". I said "but that isn't fair" and "but I WAS listening". You would shake your head, or smirk, or just turn and walk away.

I would say "I need help" and "There's no hope" and "I'm in trouble!".

I would hit bottom. A few times. I would wear long sleeves for weeks. I would end up in the C3 psych unit: no sharps, no laces. You didn't visit. You didn't care. You don't know how scared I was - how scared I am.

Here's something else you don't know. I'm a fighter. And I'm not stupid! My I.Q. is 150, what's yours? I can play the piano by ear. I can find the words to say *anything* given space and time, and if you want I can even make them rhyme.

And you know what else? I can get back up. I do get back up. Every day. I work JUST as hard as you *EVER* did! Probably harder.

So don't judge me, world. 'Cause I'm a part of it and I'm a part of you! You tried to erase me. You tried to knock me down. And keep me there. But guess what? I'm still standing.

*SERIOUSLY*.

Comments

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  • stanwshura profile imageAUTHOR

    stanwshura 

    5 years ago

    You know what, hubpages? I don't *care* what you consider high quality, because very clearly there is, many times, a distinct difference from your mere opinion, and that which is in fact good stuff and judged to be such by very many others.

    I was going to try and give this piece a rewrite, but no way. I think it rings true and rings clear, and is delivered with a solid voice. I ain't changin' a thing!

  • Abby Campbell profile image

    Dr Abby Campbell 

    5 years ago from Charlotte, North Carolina

    I hope you will continue to write, Stan. Please try to stay encouraged. Remember that the world doesn't matter but you do. Hatred fills the world, but love can heal it.

  • stanwshura profile imageAUTHOR

    stanwshura 

    5 years ago

    Thank you, Abby. Your reaching out, your friendship, and your kind words make all the difference in the world.

  • Abby Campbell profile image

    Dr Abby Campbell 

    5 years ago from Charlotte, North Carolina

    Oh my gosh, Stan. I'm sorry for all the hurt you've had in your life, but I can't tell you how happy I am to see you here. I had emailed you, but I don't know whether you received it or not. I was so stinkin worried after your last message here. Like girlpower said, don't let anyone tell you who you are. You are a strong and special... VERY SPECIAL... person, and no one can take your power. But, forgiving and letting all that pain go will set you FREE to live and love and be happy. We are here as your friends.

    P.S. I would have come to visit you when you were in the hospital if I was close or knew where you were.

  • stanwshura profile imageAUTHOR

    stanwshura 

    5 years ago

    Thank you, girlpower. Encouragement from people like you makes following your advice possible.

  • girlpower profile image

    girlpower 

    5 years ago from eugene oregon

    You are beautiful, don't let anyone tell you what you are. The mean people in the world suck and they are sad. You leave all that behind, don't forget but leave it behind, where it can't hurt you anymore. Breathe and move away from all that, and hardest of all try to forgive, right now you may not be able to do that, but just work toward it. It only hurts you. They are and will continue to be ignorant, they are wrong. You are the child of the universe and even a stranger loves you. You are loved.

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