A Child's Pain Is Our pain, And We Can Learn From It.
Yes a mere year later she raked the leaves next to this very car and jumped into them.
First let us talk about physical pain and leave sickness out.
Children have pain. A child's pain is one of the most empathy filled occurrences that there are in life. But we can learn from both the child and their pain. A child's pain is a great teacher for both them and ourselves if we let it be. Here are some "growing" pains.
When they are tiny their tummy hurts when they are hungry. So they cry. And we feed them. A tooth comes in and it breaks our heart and we do all we can to soothe that pain. They crawl head first into a door and we hate ourselves for not padding the door. Their first week of walking alone and they fall unto side of the couch and ouch and we hold and hug and bob and weave and coo. A food does not set well and we wish we could have their gas for them. They stub a toe and it is our fault and our pain so we kiss and make better.
Then they run and eat it the first time head long scraping knees, hands and nose. How could we have let them run? Then they run into a wall or such thing. And it is time for a trike and only God knows how but they crash that. About this time they can bang on things and inevitably bang on a finger. Falling out of their big boy bed and smacking things with their gangly growing arms and hands. And now they are learning catch and catching with their face and kicking and kicking immovable object or totally whiffing the kick and falling on their butts.
Such is the pain a parent suffers. Forget about the child, they move on while we suffer mild post traumatic stress syndrome and find ourselves hovering like an OCD maniac.
Are you capable of ignoring the pain in children?
Can you just deal with children's pain purely logically?
This little guy never ever caused his parents concern.
Need we even go into the bike riding phase and being able to fly?
It is ugly. My eldest who learned to ride a two wheeler at barely 3 bought my youngest 3, a really cool bike with no peddles and man can he scoot on that baby. He is already ready for a pedal two wheeler. But wait just a minute as we were out, me running and him riding he put his feet on the handle bars and raised one hand in celebration. It will be a bit before he gets an upgrade.
This thing with the wind in the hair (even with helmet) is scary. In some children it starts a lust for air. So my son took his leap off the back off the couch last night where he lands on the cushions of the seat. But this time he grew a bit and flew a good foot further and landed hard on the rug. He shook it off but will see the doc tomorrow for his knee. It is true kids can fly. It is the landing that gets them.
Valleys and hills and lakes and rivers
Let us talk about traditional men and women
A scraped knee and a mom runs immediately to the aid and give comfort.
A scraped knee and a dad calls the child to him hugs but with an almost aloofness examines the scrape.
Now of course they will both render first aid as is necessary. And in fact will both feel the pain of their child. But the mother wears her's on her sleeve with tears mixed in. The father speaks gently and talks about why the fall occurred.
Neither is wrong and neither is right. (please lighten up, of course I know the rolls can be reversed and sex has almost nothing to do with this nurture notion it is just easiest to use the cliche's)
So we learn that the healthy child learns both methods of helping those in need and we hope he grows to incorporate both in his maturity and reach a balance.
I can fly! My son Gabriel loves this song!
I will not address the teen years and tween years.
That time is tough and needs no revisiting here except to say. If you learned your lessons well early this time period is not painful for you. Only them. Oh there maybe trips to the ER for stitches running into the outfield fence or something busted from skiing or a soccer hairline fracture from a slide that went wrong but that is just the juice of being a parent. Do not get me started on skateboarding.
But we transition here into the world of adult pain that we get from others suffering.
Life is truly beautiful.
"I am so sorry" we say to often.
It is not the words that are said too often it is the reality of the sentiment. Life is full of pain. My wife and I have a dear friend who older that is suffering and injury mightily. We visited and held hands and made her laugh and sneaked in some favorite candy. We held hands and she asked that I lead us in prayer. She will live through it so the prayer was fashioned after St. Francis's prayer with emphasis on the serenity portion. While I am not Catholic she is so we gave appropriate supplication to Mother Mary for intercession. We cried tears of hope.
As we walked away I told my wife that I also prayed that I could take some of the burden of her pain. My wife hauled off and kicked me in my shin! OUch! "What was that for?" I yelled or more yelped. Don't you ever pray for such a thing my wife insisted, you have a family to take care of and clients that need you.
A lesson learned
We all have our jobs to do. From nanny to CEO to soldier to songwriter. We must have compassion and our passions or whither like the winter rose. But we are not capable of bearing the weight of the world on our shoulders. We can no doubt make a difference and help to lesson the pain of others but we do not have the right to lesson our good works by suffering for others.
We must carry on. Perhaps we can take on some extra burdens to help others who suffer but we must grow and not let their pain debilitate us.
Do not take this for granted.
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