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ABC's of Self-Realization: Learning to Love

Updated on September 7, 2013

There are so many definitions of love. It’s mostly subjective and yet, there are some absolutes to it, at least in this author’s perspective.

The absolute love I speak of is that which allows each and every person on this earth to be exactly who they are, with their faults, quirks, and opinions. It allows them to make their own choices and to learn from their own mistakes. It is not out of apathy from our side, but out of a sense of respect for that person in making those choices.

The love I speak of is not co-dependent; it allows the other person to do for themselves what they need to do, rather than us choosing to do it for them, “to help them out.” I am talking about things like paying our adult children’s bills for them when they have the means to do it themselves, for example.

The love I speak of is about forgiving those we choose to love that we want to keep as a part of our life. It’s about choosing to let go of those we loved when we found out that they are not creating a positive experience that is beneficial to our lives. It’s about loving ourselves so sincerely that we have come to realize we would never choose to allow someone to abuse us in any way, whatsoever. For those who have abusive children or abusive parents, sometimes letting go of them is a way to show them “tough love.” It may be a temporary letting go and even though it may seem painful, it is often the most beneficial choice we can make for ourselves and our loved ones.

The love I speak of sees no race, no disability, no prejudice, no importance in the difference of the socioeconomic status of others, and no difference in the purpose of our souls. It sees no hatred or bitterness in wrongs either committed or inferred. It has no jealousy between the gifts others have and those we may lack.

The love I speak of sees the positive side in every negative event. It knows that “this, too, shall pass” and that the “only constant in life is change.” It accepts people and events with its head up, rather than just tolerating them with its head down.


The love I speak of is wise enough to know that not all people will love us back, or accept us, or agree with our perspectives, but that love allows us to know that it’s totally okay if they don’t. It knows we are just as valuable and precious and cared for no matter what others say, think, feel, or do about us.

The love I speak of is higher, deeper, farther, and more genuine and everlasting than any words could ever be. It knows that in order for others to perceive that kind of love from us, we must always, always walk what we talk and mean what we say. The love I speak of knows it’s wiser to believe a person’s actions more so than the words they speak.

The love I speak of us our very Essence. It’s Who We Are and Who We Were Meant to Be when we first appeared on our journey back to Whence We Came.


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    • Lene Lynn profile image

      Lene' Lynn St. John 6 years ago from Glendale, AZ

      Steph, thank you SO much for your comments. I totally agree! :) Have a great week! :)

    • Steph Harris profile image

      Steph Harris 6 years ago from Cambridgeshire, United Kingdom

      Wonderful hub, when anyone can experience such unconditional love for their life they will feel such happiness. Very inspiring.

    • Lene Lynn profile image

      Lene' Lynn St. John 6 years ago from Glendale, AZ

      Spiffy, thank you so much! I experience this kind of love everyday. It's something I have worked at and come to experience in most of my relationships with people. :) It's a wonderful thing, this love I speak of! :) And believe it or not, I used to go to a non-denominational church group called "Agape" when I was 19! I DO know that Agape is unconditional, God-type love in it's broadest, non-religious and I are on the same page! :) Happy Friday to you!

    • SpiffyD profile image

      SpiffyD 6 years ago from The Caribbean

      When I read this, I immediately thought of Agape - in its broadest, non-religious sense. I believe that when we understand this love and what you just described, we experienced fuller love in closer settings (friends and partners/spouses). Great hub Lene!

    • Lene Lynn profile image

      Lene' Lynn St. John 6 years ago from Glendale, AZ

      donotfear, thanks so much for reading my hub! And thank you for the kind word! :) It makes me smile!

    • donotfear profile image

      donotfear 6 years ago from The Boondocks