A New Chapter, A New Journey
One of today's questions was, When you open a New Chapter of your life do you allow yourself to enjoy it ?.
This response made me stop and think.
What's the point in opening it, if you can't enjoy it. Did you open it to punish yourself, sit back and watch everyone else have fun. New beginnings especially if you have taken and made the choice to start one should always be done with self in mind. Believing and knowing that what you closed has no room for existence in the near or distance future.
I realized that there are times the windows that have been opened are not necessarily by choose. There are times in our lives that circumstance cause us to open new chapters and begin new journey. Sometimes we aren't prepared for the new chapters that seem to unfold before our eyes and want to turn back the pages when life was simple, when we had no stress, no worries. Unfortunately life doesn't always go as we plan. It would be much easier if we were in control but we're not. I am a little obsessive compulsive in that respect and tend to stay home more often than not. When I am home I have more control of what happens. It has always seemed that when I was away from home that's when tragedy would strike. So, I would go to work, the grocery store and home. My youngest daughter and I tend to follow this pattern. For her it's school and home. You see, we were both dealt a terrible loss in July of 1999. My fiance, her dad passed away. We were devastated. She was only 5 years old at the time and lost her best friend. She was daddy's girl and to this day still considers herself daddy's girl. Combined with losing him we faced my older daughter's unexpected pregnancy, my mini van catching fire on the highway and the father of my unborn grandchildren was stealing from us. This all occurred the week we laid Marty to rest. Now this new chapter was more of a living nightmare and I would rather have not continued on this journey. However I wasn't given a choice and had to make the best of things. For the next 9 months I was forced to get a restraining order on my daughter's boyfriend due to his drug use, robbing us on more than one occasion and threatening the lives of family members. We had drug dealers he ripped off show up, guns in hand trying to locate him. By the Grace of God they didn't harm us and I constantly Thank God because I know without a doubt God was carrying us during this time. Things could have been much worse. We had quite a few visits from the local police either responding to my calls because I found him hiding in my house quite a few times. I'm not sure how they work in other cities or towns but in mine if you have a restraining order against someone and they violate the order you must report that violation otherwise you are in violation as well. On top of all that, we were being evicted because the landlord was fed up with all the problems created by this young man, the property damage caused by him and so on. The beginning of April I was informed that he'd sold the house and we needed to be out by the end of the month. I began checking rental properties, which was a job in itself since I needed at least a 4 bedroom, you see, it was myself, my two older daughters, my youngest daughter and my granddaughter Haley who was born the previous month. For some reason there seemed to be 20 to 30 people at a time looking for apartments, there was a housing shortage and we weren't having any luck. Basically we were homeless. It seemed I was living a nightmare and there didn't seem to be a end in sight. Though, we had family and friends to help out and we were scattered, yet, luckier than most, we had places to stay. My oldest daughter lived with my parents, my younger daughter and granddaughter lived with my in laws and my youngest daughter and I lived with a friend. From this moment on our luck seemed to take a turn and I was able to see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel.
That was April 2000 and the journey continues. It hasn't always been easy yet I've survived. I was able to buy my own place and in August 2001 we all were together again. We've struggled financially but have always been able to keep our heads above water. I've said this time and time again. I would eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches if that's what it took to keep us together.
However, that will be changing over the next few months. My oldest daughter, her husband and my 2 year old granddaughter Elizabeth are buying a house, my younger daughter is getting married next month, in July she, her husband and their children will be taking over my house along with my youngest daughter. I will, for the first time in 53 years be living all by myself. This is another chapter in my life and it's one I am looking forward to. This chapter is one I created and I know that I will enjoy myself, the peace, the quiet and more so, the new journey.