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Am I Dying?

Updated on April 27, 2016

But Why?

I know what you are thinking.

A young man in his mid twenties is acting like a complete and utter drama queen. I can assure you this is not the case. Allot of people may find people that suffer from medical disorders weak. For a while I did. Now I feel weak.

The reason I am writing these articles is because I want people that suffer with these panic episodes to know they are not alone. This condition or disorder, What ever you want to call it can isolate a person. It completely demotivates you and takes over your life.

I will be talking about my personal experiences when dealing with panic attacks. I will be updating on the different phases and chapters that have lead to me being where I am now.

The First Episode

This was the scariest stage for me. I had transformed from a normal twenty three year old male into this, what I can only describe as a mentally weak person. I just remember sitting there after a bad day at work and losing control of everything. My emotions and my body felt so distant. I had a build up of fear, my head felt light and I started to shake. I tried everything to try and overcome this episode but I simply could not grasp what was happening to me.

It was too late, before I knew it I had spiralled out of control. I has started to exacerbate the whole situation. I started to pace around the flat to try and take my mind off of this horrible situation but I couldn't. I then had a thought that I realise made my life a nightmare over the next couple of months. I thought to myself What if I was having a Heart Attack? What if I was about to die?

Instantly as soon as these thoughts and emotions jumped into my head the panic grew stronger. My chest started to hurt, sharp stabbing feelings right into the centre of my chest. I didn't know what to do with myself. There was only one thing I could think of and that was to call for an ambulance so I did. I was speaking to the operator and I felt no ease. In my head I needed help, I was experiencing pains that I had never felt before and panic so intense I was sure I was going to die.

It wasn't long before the ambulance showed up. I let the paramedics into the flat and sat down on the sofa. They placed wires onto my body and checked my vitals. As you could guessed they were all fine, an incredibly fast heart rate but I was not experiencing a Cardiac Arrest. The paramedic asked me if I had ever suffered from any anxiety disorders before, I was trying to search for an occasion where I had experienced anything even remotely close to what I had just been through. I couldn't.

After the paramedics had given me the all clear and advised me to go to the doctors for a consultation on the issue I was Tired. The amount of bodily resources that a panic attack consumes is phenomenal. You can be of an athletic nature and bursting with energy during your peak of the day but as soon as an episode strikes you are left feeling drained and deflated. What next, At least for me all I could think about was restoring some sort of energy back into what felt like a lifeless body. A sweet cup of tea and a few slices of toast, That's all I could manage.


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