Am I weak?
Am I weak? This is a question many people with mental illness ask themselves. It's a question many ask because society says that if you are mentally ill then you are not strong enough. Society looks at not being normal as a bad thing, but what is never clearly defined is what is normal? What makes my inability to feel happy or not anxious an issue? Just because I can't stop myself from worrying doesn't mean that I am weak. But why does that question haunt me and so many others?
We are all on our own path and all deal with our own issues. Mine, currently, is depression. I'm not going to say "help me" or "pity me" because that isn't my point. My point is the reason I ask the previous question is how I feel. I feel numb. I feel sad. I feel like there isn't a point. While I feel all of this, I ask myself why I feel this way? Why am I allowing myself to feel this weak? But am I really weak for feeling this way?
When feeling this way, all I want to do is succeed; I want to feel like I'm doing something in my life. Even if I spent all day cleaning and now have a clean house, I still feel like I want to do something in my life. Like that isn't enough. But even through my feelings of despair I know that it's okay if that is all I've done all day. That is an accomplishment on its own.
So, even on days that you feel weak, remember even changing your socks does count as having a good day.
© 2018 Alyson Boddy