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Ways You Can Make Anger Work for You

Updated on June 24, 2019
Pamela99 profile image

I'm interested in social issues, good relationships, problems of daily living, jobs, exercise and fiction and safer living conditions.


source Flickr
source Flickr

Why People Get Angry

Anger is considered a negative emotion, but if you change your perspective slightly you can make anger work for you.

We typically become angry for two reasons:

  • First, we must experience some sort of pain.
  • We must blame someone or something for our pain.

You will not feel anger without both of these components.

Becoming angry may cause a rush to judgment, which is particularly harmful in a business relationship. However, jumping to conclusions will be harmful in any relationship.

“The best fighter is never angry.”

--Lao Tzu

The Complex Emotion of Anger

Anger is a complex emotion most people feel on some occasions and it can be difficult to understand, let alone manage. Sometimes it can erupt like David Bannner turning into the Incredible Hulk, and other times it lurks below the surface. It can seem to come out of nowhere or build slowly like a storm, and we aren’t always aware of the true cause of our feelings.

However, it is up to you to choose the way you handle anger because it will definitely affect your relationships and your life. Typically, when people express their anger it is primarily to make them feel more powerful and in control rather than vulnerable. Of course, it is unpleasant to be on the receiving end of someone else’s outburst.

Pain without blame does not cause anger but results in feeling hurt, not victimized. Blame without pain means we have made a judgment about someone or something being unjust, but we are not hurt. Lashing out in anger causes tension and fear in a relationship.

So, we need to recognize any anger we feel and understand the true cause if we want to move away from that negative feeling. It isn’t productive to wallow in self-pity or to let your anger fester.

Green Hulk

source Commons Wikipedia
source Commons Wikipedia

Anger Management in the Office Place

Fight or Flight Mechanism

What is the upside of anger? Actually, anger, frustration, and stress can be used to our advantage according to some experts. It can help us strive harder, be more productive and sometimes gain self-confidence. Since relationships have their ups and downs anger will happen occasionally to everyone. Since anger tells us there is an issue we need to address, anger can be looked at in a positive way.

Anger is the “fight or flight” mechanism that keeps us safe. The key to managing your anger is in the understanding of the underlying emotions, then you are better equipped to handle those feelings.

There are historical figures that used anger in a productive way to make the world a better place, such as George Washington, Martin Luther King, Jesus or Gandhi, as they fought for social justice, against racial injustice, poverty and foreign nations attempting to take over our nation. Anger can be a catalyst for new behavior, like a job change, a new relationship or maybe a move to a new city.

Talking It Out


Take a Deep Breath

When you are dealing with a tough situation or difficult people, try to take a step back, take a deep breath or two, and figure out exactly where your anger is coming from.

Allowing yourself a few minutes to calm down will help you think more clearly before you choose to respond to any situation. Research has shown that when your stress level rises above the moderate level your performance deteriorates at a rapidly.

I am not confrontational by nature, and I don’t think an angry exchange of words is particularly productive. We all need borders, but it is possible to state your view without expressing anger.

Of course, it is not always easy, and I particularly don’t like it when someone acts in a condescending manner toward me. I try to treat people with the same respect as I want to be treated, but obviously, that does not always work. When I get angry I attempt to diffuse the situation and try to understand why I’m really angry.

If another person is angry at me, I apologize if am in the wrong, or I might say, “I’m sorry you feel that way”, but I usually get away from the person, at least for a while. I refuse to stand around and argue about something that we are not going to agree upon. I have found as I get older there are fewer big deals that are worth getting upset over. I pick and choose my battles carefully. Maybe I have mellowed with age, but life is too short to spend it being mad all the time.

“When angry, count to four. When very angry, swear.”

--Mark Twain

Anger Management Techniques

Make Anger Work for You

Sometimes you might find anger is the impetus to work harder at something. You might be angry at yourself for eating chocolate cake when you are trying to diet, but taking a brisk walk will burn off those calories also, which is much more productive than feeling like a failure, being angry at yourself and judging yourself harshly.

If you are not able to control your angry outbursts, try an anger management class as many people have had great results for what they learn in these classes.

“Don't hold to anger, hurt or pain. They steal your energy and keep you from love.”

-Leo Buscaglia

In Conclusion

It is imperative to understand the underlying cause of your anger, to resolve the problem. If anger is a big problem for you, anger management classes or groups are a good investment of your time.

Learning new anger management techniques is very helpful, so this emotion works for you instead of against you. Learning to understand your anger and use it as a guide will assist you to take care of yourself emotionally, physically, spiritually and in relationships. You will be able to heal pains of the past and learn to be assertive rather than anger in those difficult situations. Then, you are making anger work for you.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.


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  • Pamela99 profile imageAUTHOR

    Pamela Oglesby 

    7 years ago from Sunny Florida

    Jackie, I think that is surely an important part of this issue. I know I am a lot happier now than I was when I was younger. I don't let things bother me like I used to in the past. Thanks for your comments.

  • Jackie Lynnley profile image

    Jackie Lynnley 

    7 years ago from the beautiful south

    Good advice. I got my anger under control years ago thankfully. It is a suicide really if we don't, whatever it takes. I think for me it was realizing everyone is who they are for a reason.

  • Pamela99 profile imageAUTHOR

    Pamela Oglesby 

    7 years ago from Sunny Florida

    Patricia, I think we all deal with the anger demon sometimes. I have found as I gotten older there are not as many things that make me angry, and that is a good thing. I avoid situations like you describe also. I appreciate your comments. Angels on the way to you also.

  • pstraubie48 profile image

    Patricia Scott 

    7 years ago from North Central Florida

    You are so right, Pamela ...fewer and fewer reasons to lose our tempers over. Now, I do have times when I feel like the anger monster is lurking close by and I do try to stop myself and control my feelings. Most of the time I am successful because in the scheme of things most things just aren't worth getting my pressure up for.

    When I can, I avoid situations where a person who is present and knows what buttons to push will be. .

    Thanks for sharing this as it reminds me to let go of whatever it was that may make me angry.

    Angels are on the way ps

  • Pamela99 profile imageAUTHOR

    Pamela Oglesby 

    7 years ago from Sunny Florida

    Kelly, It's good to see you back. Thanks for your comments and I hope all is well with you.

  • kellymom1970 profile image


    7 years ago

    Pamela99, you always have such great hubs, amazing!! Great job.

  • Pamela99 profile imageAUTHOR

    Pamela Oglesby 

    9 years ago from Sunny Florida

    Support Med, I think that is so true. I appreciate your comments.

  • Support Med. profile image

    Support Med. 

    9 years ago from Michigan

    Anger is definitely a catalyst to improve ourselves and make us aware and accept that changes are necessary and some people, we just don't need to be around. Voted and rated.

  • Pamela99 profile imageAUTHOR

    Pamela Oglesby 

    9 years ago from Sunny Florida

    Andertoons, I appreciate your comment and I'm sure you've got many more cartoons in your brain just waiting to pop out.

  • profile image


    9 years ago

    I think what makes me angriest is that I didn't think up that cartoon. Great!

  • Pamela99 profile imageAUTHOR

    Pamela Oglesby 

    9 years ago from Sunny Florida

    orioleorange, Thank you for your comment.

  • orioleorange profile image


    9 years ago

    Thanks Pam. Good info!

  • Pamela99 profile imageAUTHOR

    Pamela Oglesby 

    9 years ago from Sunny Florida

    prairieprincess, I am glad you enjoyed the hub and thank you so much for your comments. Merry Christmas to you.

  • prairieprincess profile image

    Sharilee Swaity 

    9 years ago from Canada

    Pamela, what a great topic, and what an inspiring hub! These are very good suggestions for turning around what seems like a negative emotion. I really liked your suggestions and I learned from this hub! thank you so much, and have a great holiday.

  • Pamela99 profile imageAUTHOR

    Pamela Oglesby 

    9 years ago from Sunny Florida

    Prasetio, There is a movie by that name which is a comedy. Thank you for your comments.

  • prasetio30 profile image


    9 years ago from malang-indonesia

    I thought there's a movie related with this topic, "Anger management". Of course, sometimes we can deny about this. Better to maintain wisely and didn't made this as a ritual or daily habit. I thought we know various disease caused by anger like you said above. Nice hub and good topic selection. I must Vote up this hub. Take care!


  • Pamela99 profile imageAUTHOR

    Pamela Oglesby 

    9 years ago from Sunny Florida

    Mickey Dee, That;s true. I appreciate your comments.

    topdentistfinder, Thanks for your comment.

  • topdentistfinder profile image


    9 years ago

    Great hub! Thanks.

  • Micky Dee profile image

    Micky Dee 

    9 years ago

    Anger does no good unless the adrenalin is used for good. We all get in a dither about something. Great write!

  • Pamela99 profile imageAUTHOR

    Pamela Oglesby 

    9 years ago from Sunny Florida

    Peggy, Thanks so much for your comment.

    Marie, I hear what you are saying but you will have to learn to forgive the past at some point and forgive yourself when you think you have failed in some way, and that is the path to peace. It is good to turn anger into a positive action, but you can't carry all the pain of the past around forever. It is like carrying a heavy weight when if you can find it in your heart to forgive you will find some peace I hope. Thank you so much for your comments.

    saddlerider, It is so hard to pick the right mate when we come from dysfunctional or abusive homes. I am glad you are on a better path now. I heard an old saying that sticks with me which is, "He who angers me controls me". I didn't like hearing that at the time but it is so true. I don't want to be controlled by anger at another person, so I do try to forgive and move on. You really don't forget, or at least I don't, but I am able to look back without the pain and anger associated with the event. Thanks for the comments.

  • saddlerider1 profile image


    9 years ago

    Fantastic videos and hub. Due to my last marriage failing miserably with 4 children involved and torn from me. Anger has been my sidekick for the past 15 years, before that I was always happy and friendly and a character at times.

    The anger instilled in me from my very early days as a boy in an abused household resurfaced when this failed marriage took over, my ex was bent on destroying me. It took the past few years to come to grips with my losses and steadily find my worth back as a human being.

    Anger is a demon and once it gets control of your soul it takes over your mind. I am so happy to be back on track with my life, but it's certainly been a struggle. Ugly divorces and war of the roses does not do any good for either party. Thanks you for this wonderful share. Bravo and peace.

  • MartieCoetser profile image

    Martie Coetser 

    9 years ago from South Africa

    A perfect article about anger. My anger is always rooted in wounds obtained in the past. Those wounds are all covered with self~condemnation, because I was so stupid to allow the affliction. But anger rooted in fear for physical and emotional pain/poverty/et cetera is also my main drive in life. Anger is one of the emotions that distinguish humans from animals. Great hub, Pamela, bookmarked and voted UP.

  • Peggy W profile image

    Peggy Woods 

    9 years ago from Houston, Texas

    Excellent article Pamela about turning anger into a postive response. Rating this useful and up!

  • Pamela99 profile imageAUTHOR

    Pamela Oglesby 

    9 years ago from Sunny Florida

    Lorne, I absolutely agree and appreciate your comment.

    segol yoda, I would hope that first video is an exaggeration yet I know some people can't control their anger. Thanks for your comment.

  • segol yoda profile image

    segol yoda 

    9 years ago

    LOL.... first video :)

  • Pamela99 profile imageAUTHOR

    Pamela Oglesby 

    9 years ago from Sunny Florida

    Darlene, I am sorry to hear you had a rough week. Maybe your stress level is just to high considering everything and then anger rears its head but not over what is really bothering you. I hope you are doing better now. I appreciate your comments.

    Audry, I don't think you are alone in using anger that way. Some years ago I would write things that I was upset or worried about and put them in a paper bag. Then, if I pulled those things out of the bag and read them a week or two latter 99% of them never happened and I was worried for no reason. It helped me to stop worrying about every little thing. Thanks for your comment.

  • travel_man1971 profile image

    Ireno Alcala 

    9 years ago from Bicol, Philippines

    My father always remind me to control my anger by counting numbers in my mind. Then it will depreciate as you exhale or inhale slowly and will help you think clearly about the situation.

  • akirchner profile image

    Audrey Kirchner 

    9 years ago from Washington

    Pamela - great points - I hate to admit it too but I use anger to fight off things that depress me. That may sound weird but I figure being mad is better any day than being sad. I don't know if any psychologist would agree with me or not - but it beats descending into being upset and I find that being angry makes me fight back.

  • Darlene Sabella profile image

    Darlene Sabella 

    9 years ago from Hello, my name is Toast and Jam, I live in the forest with my dog named Sam ...

    Oh boy Pam, are you hiding out in my house reading my mind again. This week has been an anger week for me and I am telling people how mad at them for what they did to me back in 1602...I have NO idea what has come over me but this hub was right on time my lovely friend. Rate up up up up up and up even more...your greatest fan

  • Pamela99 profile imageAUTHOR

    Pamela Oglesby 

    9 years ago from Sunny Florida

    Brandrocker, I think that is a good example because you were not really mad at a person, but at having too much work to do, so you got it done faster. Thanks for your comment.

  • brandrocker profile image


    9 years ago

    I absolutely agree with you. But I have never thought of it that way before reading your page. Just a few hours ago I was loaded with tasks. I was really angry, agitated, and continued murmuring while completing the tasks. And by now, it is almost finished. This time anger really helped me to speed up!

  • Pamela99 profile imageAUTHOR

    Pamela Oglesby 

    9 years ago from Sunny Florida

    Sheri, I think Dr.Phil's statement is 100% true and I have seen this in my life. I have a lot of respect for teachers that deal with teenagers as I know that is a tough job. I try hard to treat people with respect and I don't have been confrontations, but I'm not going to be run over either. Thanks for your comments.

    JY, I will accept that lovely compliment and I am glad you stopped by

  • JY3502 profile image

    John Young 

    9 years ago from Florence, South Carolina

    Well, Pam! Almost as good as my writing. :-) Really good job.

  • SheriSapp profile image


    9 years ago from West Virginia

    This is a very useful and timely hub. Like you, I really dislike confrontation, but I will not allow others to run me over so sometimes, confrontation is a necessity. I always remember Dr Phil saying that "people treat you the way you allow them to treat you". I keep that in mind always, and let folks know if they are treating me in a fashion I find distasteful. Of course, being a teacher of teenagers, effective anger management is a MUST in my career!!

  • Pamela99 profile imageAUTHOR

    Pamela Oglesby 

    9 years ago from Sunny Florida

    Claptona, I think that is a terrific outlook because it is all small stuff really. Things that seem a big deal at the moment often isn't even remembered a few weeks down the road. I appreciate your comments.

  • Pamela99 profile imageAUTHOR

    Pamela Oglesby 

    9 years ago from Sunny Florida

    Katiem, I am so glad you enjoyed the hub and I appreciate the the comments.

  • katiem2 profile image

    Katie McMurray 

    9 years ago from Westerville

    Now this is an awesome concept. Rated up, sharing and bookmarking as I will def be back to reference anger make it work for you. Well Done Pamela, WELL DONE INDEED!

  • claptona profile image

    John D Wilson 

    9 years ago from Earth

    Nice hub, Pamela

    I heard a man talk, and he stated "Do not worry about the small stuff. And remember, it is ALL small stuff!"

    The key for me is to not get angry in the first place.

    It harms only me, and never is a good thing for anyone.

    First things first - learn how NOT to become angry.


  • Pamela99 profile imageAUTHOR

    Pamela Oglesby 

    9 years ago from Sunny Florida

    Hello, It sounds like you are quite happy not getting angry, so you don't have the problem with anger that some people do. Thanks for your comment.

    xixi1, Being creative sounds like a great way to deal with anger. Thanks for your comment.

    Rev Lady, Your solution is what God would have you to do I think, and it works so well for you. As they say, the proof is in the pudding. Thank you for your comments. God Bless you Rev Lady.

  • RevLady profile image


    9 years ago from Lantana, Florida

    Great thoughts on anger Pam.

    Whenever I feel an anger coming on, which is rare, I pray. God calms my spirit and reveals my pride and lack of understanding. Suddenly perspective awakens and all in well in Saundra-ville.

    Voted up and beatiful.

    Love, peace and joy in Him!

    Forever His,

  • xixi12 profile image


    9 years ago from Everywhere but here. In the truest sense, freedom cannot be bestowed; it must be achieved. You can never be truly free till you have the discipline to manage it.

    Great hub on anger, when I am angry, i would either reflect on my life or complete sewing a dress or patch work I happen to have left for a long time. It really does bring out some creativity, sometimes. lol

  • Hello, hello, profile image

    Hello, hello, 

    9 years ago from London, UK

    I think I am the most phlegmatic person in the world. My ex-husband used to get mad because he couldn't pick a fight with me. For the life of me I can't see the point. I think that either do something about it and if you can't what is the use of getting angry. Wonderfully written hub but I can't relate to it because I just can't get angry. I know I am strange. honest. I'll go back to Mars. hahaha

  • Pamela99 profile imageAUTHOR

    Pamela Oglesby 

    9 years ago from Sunny Florida

    K9keystrokes, I think your friend might be on to something. I'm glad you liked the cartoon. Thanks for your comments.

  • K9keystrokes profile image

    India Arnold 

    9 years ago from Northern, California

    Pam I found the computer cartoon really funny.

    Anger is a wonderful motivator, don't ya think? One of my good friends specializes in anger management and domestic violence therapy. She always says that if humans would learn to harness the energy present in anger and use it for good, the human race could climb to new and far more blessed heights. I tend to agree...nice hub!


  • Pamela99 profile imageAUTHOR

    Pamela Oglesby 

    9 years ago from Sunny Florida

    drbj, I'm glad you enjoyed the videos and article. I appreciate your comments.

    anginwu, I'm glad you enjoyed the hub. Thank you for your comments.

  • anglnwu profile image


    9 years ago

    I love the cartoon--my daughter does that a lot to her computer when she is angry with the speed. Enjoyed the read.

  • drbj profile image

    drbj and sherry 

    9 years ago from south Florida

    Thank you, pamela, for this wise and literate exposition regarding anger and how to manage it. The anger management videos are top-notch. Thanks for including them.

  • Pamela99 profile imageAUTHOR

    Pamela Oglesby 

    9 years ago from Sunny Florida

    Dawn, I do the same thing as I also don't anger easily but when I am angry I want to know why and remedy the situation. I appreciate your comments.

    Eovery, Thanks for the comment.

  • eovery profile image


    9 years ago from MIddle of the Boondocks of Iowa

    Interesting title.

    Keep on hubbing!

  • dawnM profile image

    Dawn Michael 

    9 years ago from THOUSAND OAKS

    Hi Pamela, great topic and explanation on anger, which can be a complex emotion in many ways, but a very human emotion and if suppressed can cause physical conditions, and if expressed on to another, can land a person in jail. Healthy anger and knowing how to work through it like you said is the best solution!

    For me when I get angry, really angry, which takes a lot, I always take a walk and try to understand what emotion I am feeling upset from being let down, my buttons pushed, rejected, not understood, and judged and so on!

  • Pamela99 profile imageAUTHOR

    Pamela Oglesby 

    9 years ago from Sunny Florida

    cwarden,I have found it your solution is helpful for me too. Thanks so much for your comment.

  • cwarden profile image


    9 years ago from USA

    Great information and very helpful tips. I've also found that as I get older I do my best to avoid arguments. I will exercise or just take a long walk alone when I am angry, listening to some music while I walk usually takes my anger down a few levels.

  • Pamela99 profile imageAUTHOR

    Pamela Oglesby 

    9 years ago from Sunny Florida

    Samson, I imagine we are all a work in progress. Thanks so much for your comments.

    rpalulis, That is a perfect Proveb for this hub. I appreciate your comments.

    tnderhrt, I like that definition of depression. It is a journey to change ourselves even with professional help. Thanks so much for sharing that experience.

    Patriot, That is certainly a constructive way to use your anger. I appreciate your comment.

  • profile image

    partisan patriot 

    9 years ago


    I use my anger everytime I write a hub; my best work comes when I am the angriest about what this regime has done to us.

  • tnderhrt23 profile image


    9 years ago

    Great hub! To take it one step further, I was told in Co-Dependency treatment that "Depression was anger coming through a small hole"...learning to constructively deal with anger, without lashing out or turning it inward is the path to emotional health and wholeness...and its certainly been a journey! Again, great hub!

  • rpalulis profile image


    9 years ago from NY

    I can often recall witnessing embarrassing moments of adults reacting in anger, has made me take a closer look in the mirror. Love the proverb, be slow to speak and quick to listen.

  • samsons1 profile image


    9 years ago from Tennessee

    voted up & beautiful! Well written, informative and concise. Good job Pam, this is something we all need and God is so gracious to transform our stony hearts and attitude into one like Christ. "He's still working on me..."

  • Pamela99 profile imageAUTHOR

    Pamela Oglesby 

    9 years ago from Sunny Florida

    oceansnsunsets, Thanks so much for your comment.

    Tom, I'm glad you are making progress and the help of God makes it much easier. Thanks for your comment.

  • Tom Whitworth profile image

    Tom Whitworth 

    9 years ago from Moundsville, WV


    Anger is a great topic and I have spent most of my adult life trying to control my temper. It has caused many troubles in my life but I have began to overcome it. With the help of God I may transition in a calm servant of the Lord some day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • oceansnsunsets profile image


    9 years ago from The Midwest, USA

    Pamela, great hub on turning the anger around to be used for the positive. Thanks for sharing!


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