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Best Anger Management Techniques That Help Overcome Anger Problems

Updated on August 24, 2011

Do you or do you know anyone who has an anger problem? Looking for best anger management techiques?  Do they need to learn to overcome angry outbursts? In this article we discuss the best strategies that have proven to help with anger issues.

It is like walking on egg shells with volatile people that seem to fire-up at a drop of a hat. It isn't a pleasant experience for people around the angered and neither is it joyous for the person who has anger difficulties. However, this behaviour may be so ingrained, it almost feels normal for the aggrieved.

If you have arrived at this article, then you have already established there is a problem and that is positive, right? The will to change is the route to success.

If you are here because you know someone who is prickly, then understanding their anger is also good - you are about to be empowered!

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Angry? Stop!

Everyone has felt angry at some point in their lives. There is a rising feeling from the pit of your stomach. It engulfs your very being. You are as mad as hell and feel as if you are about to explode whilst you foam from the mouth. Sounds familiar? STOP!

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Anger Is An Energy, Change To Something Positive

Let's rewind. How did you get to this point? What was the trigger? What has this person done to have got you to a point of no return? Is this the person's problem or yours?

Anger is an energy. You can change this into something more positive if you just take some time out and calm down. Yes, that is the key - take some time out and chill. There is nothing worse than getting to that point.

What you are experiencing is a complete lack of self control. Yes, you are the one who has lost here, because you are losing the control of you. Think about this. Think exactly what you are losing...

  • Self control
  • Self respect
  • Respect of others
  • Social grace
  • Dignity
  • Privacy of thought
  • Direction
  • Mental well-being
  • Tranquility
  • Serenity
  • Peace
  • Love of self and others
  • Harmony
  • Diplomacy
  • Tactfulness
  • Tolerance

Essentially, in that moment, you are self harming and abusing yourself as much as you are abusing the other person. Is it worth it?

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Resolving An Argument

CUDSAIR by Professor Richard Nelson-Jones is a system to help resolve disagreements. This stands for:

  • Confront - the problem and not the person.
  • Understand - another person's view,
  • Define - areas of disagreement, agree to disagree at this point.
  • Search - for solutions to the problem.
  • Agree - agree on the solution.
  • Implement - what has been agreed equally and in partnership.
  • Review - Keep talking and reviewing the problem. Has it been resolved or is there still a problem?

Identify The Anger Emotion

Learn how to identify a rise in the emotion of anger. This is a red light to tell you that you need to retreat. Here you need to stop. Make your excuses by saying something like 'I will get back to you shortly - I am unable to speak with you at the moment but we will talk about this'.

It is here you need to go to a silent place and cool down. Take some time to think through the whole thing situation. What is it that has really annoyed you? It might just be something small that has niggled you for a long time. Think back. It might even help to write down some bullet points, a summary or even give yourself some self anaylisis perhaps? Then you can order your argument in a constructive and positive way. This will help put your point across without emotional interuption to your thought processes.

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Anger Is Abuse, Find A Way To Understanding, Forgive And Move On

You might find that you need more time to chew on the issues. Sometimes sleeping on a situation can also help. Whatever, it is unacceptable to allow yourself to get in a state of anger that leads to violence or abuse in any way. What you need to focus on is the end result - to be able to put your point across in a constructive way so as you are understood and you have understood another person's viewpoint. This understanding will help you to be able to forgive and move on. This is an important aspect.

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Did You Know?

  • The underlying context to anger is stress?
  • Anger, along with stress, issues can contribute a shorter life?
  • A diet rich in fresh fruit and vegetables will contribute to a feeling of well-being.
  • Anger is a natural response to a danger or threat.

Anger Energy Is A Spark That Dies Out In The End

All sparks die out in the end. This is the anger energy. But what can you do with all that pent up emotion? Get all those feelings out with a session at the gym, a walk, a punch-bag or any other endorphin releasing mechanism.

Endorphins are the pleasure drug that we secrete naturally. Exercise heightens this. Get off on the pleasure principal and whilst you are relieving that aggression, you can be thinking of ways of understanding a different view - the view of the object of your anger (for example, the wife, the kids, the husband and/or the office irritant). Whether you agree with their view or not, the way they see things is valid to them - you just have to find a way to understand it.

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Anger - The Darkside Of The Force

What if you enjoy being angry? This addiction to hormonal effects is dangerous and needs to be controlled. Once you understand this, you are halfway on the road to a peaceful life for yourself and others. The consequences of your actions can far outweigh the benefits and can leave you in deep trouble. Enjoying the effects of anger is toiling with the darkside of the force. Do you really want a life of trouble?

I use the energy that anger produces in meditation. I immerse myself in its strength and direct it in gratitude that I have overcome its temptations. I have won and anger has lost. That is a great feeling! This might not be your way of coping, but you can develop mechanisms that is effective for you too. You can overcome your anger problems effectively. Some people, for example, go to a safe place where no one can hear them and scream, whilst others just punch a pillow. Look and try different techniques. Learning what is best for you makes for successful anger management.

© This work is covered under Creative Commons License

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How To Deal With An Anger Outburst Pointed At You

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Use this article at your own risk. This Psychology article does not give medical or psychological advice, neither does it give legal opinions and advice.  Any action or outcome that may result from this article is the sole responsibility of the reader.  This article is assumes no responsibility or legal claim against it.


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    • mudpiemagnet profile image

      mudpiemagnet 5 years ago

      Thanks for a great hub- I especially like the bit about anger as addiction. I never thought of it that way, but yes- anger can actually "feel good" to experience, and be difficult to let go of, simply because it is a powerful emotion. But the effects are devastating. Thanks for making me think!

      Thumbs up!

    • Chris Achilleos profile image

      Chris Achilleos 6 years ago

      Great hub with excellent tips on how to control and overcome your anger. I really enjoyed reading. Voted up, useful and sharing :)

    • Journey * profile image

      Nyesha Pagnou MPH 6 years ago from USA

      I've read some of the other comments. Jed is hilarious!:) This is a great hub. Terrific advice that everyone should read. Vote up.

    • shazwellyn profile image

      shazwellyn 6 years ago from Great Britain

      Ankushkohli - it also makes the angered person feel bad too!

    • AnkushKohli profile image

      Ankush Kohli 6 years ago from India

      Amazing techniques to solve this grave problem. It takes lot out of our lives and disheartens our loved ones.

    • shazwellyn profile image

      shazwellyn 7 years ago from Great Britain

      Carole... we are talking from the same hymn page *wink* :)

    • Carole Anzolletti profile image

      Carole Anzolletti 7 years ago from The Phantom Queen's Labyrinth

      You are so right...what goes out goes out times three...and thrice times three comes back to me...when you deep inside know its about them, and about how they must be miserable wouldn't dare add to that...neutralization and blessings are magick :)

    • shazwellyn profile image

      shazwellyn 7 years ago from Great Britain

      Hi Carole. I have recently found a great way to help control that anger... when someone does me wrong, I bless them. I use that energy deep within my gut and instead of negative thought and curses, I bless them and the anger disapaits. It is a real miracle phrase.

      Bless you with feeling good :)

    • Carole Anzolletti profile image

      Carole Anzolletti 7 years ago from The Phantom Queen's Labyrinth

      Excellent Hub! Thanks for sharing all this valuable information :)

    • shazwellyn profile image

      shazwellyn 7 years ago from Great Britain

      Wow Carrie M - congratulations in empowering yourself. Great to see some tips have worked for you and thank you for your contribution in the 5HTP tip.

      Looks like you are a lot more happier for discovering what works for you! Well done!

    • Carrie.M profile image

      Carrie.M 7 years ago from MI, United States

      A great article full of very helpful tips. I used to suffer from a lack of emotional control and the used many of the tips that you explain above. The most helpful one for me was taking time out and distracting myself with another form of physical activity eg a walk or cleaning. I also started taking 5HTP which has done amazing things for me in terms of improving my overall calm and lightness. Things just don't seem as heavy any more. 5HTP may not be for everyone but its worth talking to your naturopath about.

    • shazwellyn profile image

      shazwellyn 7 years ago from Great Britain

      Lita - Yes, anger can lead to disease (dis at ease) and this has been researched and found that people who suffer with extreme anger fits, easily, shorten their life by a considerable number of years. Maybe people who don't accept this emotion could be thought of as neurotic or psychotic? It is a thought that I just might expand upon in another article.

      Thanks for your valued comment.

    • Lita C. Malicdem profile image

      Lita C. Malicdem 7 years ago from Philippines

      A prolonged and overwhelming state of negative emotion like anger can make a person sick. He may end up with a neurotic or psychotic condition. This anger management hub is very useful. No one is spared from getting angry or finding anger directed at him. We need to control anger and preserve our selves from further conflicts. Thank you.

    • Gypsy Willow profile image

      Gypsy Willow 7 years ago from Lake Tahoe Nevada USA , Wales UK and Taupo New Zealand

      Thank you Shaz!

    • shazwellyn profile image

      shazwellyn 7 years ago from Great Britain

      Well done Salt, you are an inspiration to all around you. Keep up the good work and remember, by setting a good example, you evoke change in others. Be that example, my friend.

    • shazwellyn profile image

      shazwellyn 7 years ago from Great Britain

      daydreamer - check out Salt's comments - she seems to be successful and I have had personal experience of others who have used these techniques successsfully.

      Good luck DD!

    • shazwellyn profile image

      shazwellyn 7 years ago from Great Britain

      Gypsy Willow - Yes, anger does ruin relationships, full stop. It is a real problem if you are at the receiving end but even more of a problem if you are the one who loses control. Yes, anger has a place in life, but doesn't endear others. Neither is it socially intelligent - people who are always angry, don't get on in the world.

      The problem, and I don't know your situation, can be solved when the perpertraitor acknowledges they have anger issues. That is a first step to anger freedom and, once they don't deny this as a problem, they can start to recognise the signs and consciously over-ride the effects of anger.

      I am sending you good thoughts for a happy resolve to your situation.

      Wishing you well,


    • salt profile image

      salt 7 years ago from australia

      Great writing!! Thanks, Ive used various ways of coping with others anger. I do get upset personally when people use what I have now termed community service speak. When they tell you they will or can do this, then spin it and end saying I cant help you in a rude and derogatory manner that somehow feeds their ego. I am learning to approach this behavior and label it, mirror it if appropriate to show the energy they are sending and at times when it will work, talk it through! And it does work!!!

    • daydreamer13 profile image

      daydreamer13 7 years ago

      Sounds great....if it works. Well written!

    • Gypsy Willow profile image

      Gypsy Willow 7 years ago from Lake Tahoe Nevada USA , Wales UK and Taupo New Zealand

      Thanks for this insightful hub. Anger can ruin a relationship if it is allowed to get out of control. This hub might help mine!! (My relationship that is!)

    • shazwellyn profile image

      shazwellyn 7 years ago from Great Britain

      Hi Debbie, thanks for stopping by and reading. Glad you enjoyed it :)

    • debbiesdailyviews profile image

      debbiesdailyviews 7 years ago

      Another vote up from me.

      Very interesting.

      Anger just beget's anger. Always has , always will.

      And as your Hub says stress is a big factor in a lot of situations.

      Look forward to more of your hubs , as always

    • shazwellyn profile image

      shazwellyn 7 years ago from Great Britain

      Jed - that's funny! hehehe

    • shazwellyn profile image

      shazwellyn 7 years ago from Great Britain

      MPG - Thank you for visiting. People with the problem need to understand that they are suffering as well as those around them. They can manage it, just by understanding it and divising coping mechanisms to control it.

    • Jed Fisher profile image

      Jed Fisher 7 years ago from Oklahoma

      Awesome hub; if I had to live with someone who had anger issues I'd try the soothing voice but also keep a taser handy.

    • MPG Narratives profile image

      Marie Giunta 7 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      Hi Shaz, I'm all for turning anger into a positive but do agree that anger has its place. No one should be a victim and very angry people who cannot control their actions will cause harm.

    • shazwellyn profile image

      shazwellyn 7 years ago from Great Britain

      Hi W.E. and Charlu,

      I was trying to target people that this is a problem for and those who have to live with the effects. We live in a world that has evolved greater than our physical. The effects of extreme anger is socially inappropriate for today's society - but not for the Jungle from whence the first Homeosapian walked only some 80,000 generations ago.

      I agree, that anger does have its place and the intention was not to undervalue it. It is not the emotion that is destructive - it is the EXTEME and IRRATIONAL variant of anger that is problematic and destructive.

      I am very grateful for your comments. You have added value and clarity where my article may have been lacking.

      Thank you both :)

    • shazwellyn profile image

      shazwellyn 7 years ago from Great Britain

      okmom, thank you for your support :)

    • Charlu profile image

      Charlu 7 years ago from Florida

      I also agree that anger has it's place. It is a human defense mechanism, part of "fight or flight" and if dealt with properly can actually become a motivating factor.

      Nice hub

    • profile image

      Website Examiner 7 years ago

      There is a lot of pragmatic advice here, based upon the wisdom of someone who knows better. Anger has its place, but for those who cannot control their emotions it can be a tyrant, not an effective weapon. Interesting hub.

    • okmom23 profile image

      Donna Oliver 7 years ago from Midwest, U.S.A.

      Well done. Bumped you up!

    • shazwellyn profile image

      shazwellyn 7 years ago from Great Britain

      Eternal - glad it has been useful :)

    • Eternal Evolution profile image

      Eternal Evolution 7 years ago from kentucky

      Great hub, very useful and helpful


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