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Anger Management Control and Techniques

Updated on May 13, 2020
Bishop55 profile image

Rebecca loves sharing what she knows about alternative medicine, health, frugal living, fun, animals, and how to live a better life!

Controlling anger



I'm naturally an angry person. Always have been. Anything from crowded rooms, waking up too early, rude obnoxious overbearing needy idiotic energy-draining people, traffic, too much laundry and everyday chores, etc, etc, etc...can really piss me off and ruin what should normally be a great day. Yes, I window wash people on the freeway, I get snippy and snappy if I miss my morning routine is thrown off. The worst part for me personally is when I fly off the handle and see nothing but red, this is the part of the anger I could happily live the rest of my life without.

I have to make a daily practice to be grateful, because I know I am blessed, but I adore my solitude and when I don't get it, I get mean. I've cut people to the ground with harsh words, and I'm not proud of this. I've had to work hard to keep my anger under control, and it continues to be a work in progress. But anger has also been a huge motivator for me, and I try to use it constructively when I can calm down and recenter. Anger ranks high on the energy frequency scale, it's also the easiest of aura's to see around someone.

Anger, is the easiest emotion to express, and often the root of the problem is caused by hurt, fear, resentment, or feeling as if you were "done wrong" or that you cannot control a given situation and are powerless. Anger can cause a normally sane person to make some very terrible and insane choices (anger and rage are not the same as stupidity, although stupid people are equally if not more dangerous when angry than half intelligent people, because stupid equals unpredictable). Anger can come in many forms: spewing verbal garbage at those you love, going to extremes and breaking things, or physically hurting others or oneself. Internalized anger is physically damaging for your health too.

Anger is a normal, healthy, human emotion, initially meant for survival and rarely needed for that purpose in our modernized society. But when anger is out of control and turns destructive, like full-blown rage and not meant for survival, it can lead to some serious problems— in relationships, careers, and with the overall quality of your life and health.

When angry, the first expression normally noted is agitation and aggression. Your muscles tense up, your brow may become intense and furrowed. You're heart rate increases and your senses peak. Anger has useful points when responding to physical threats. It allows us to fight and defend ourselves when under attack or survive and conquer at any cost. So on one hand, it's needed for survival. But lashing out at people over trivial matters is unproductive, and can have huge, ugly legal ramifications. Anger also affects us physically, our heart rate and blood pressure increase when it's unnecessary, our bodies stiffen and tense up, and we don't think clearly or rationally. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.

What triggers anger?

What are some factors to consider when thinking about your anger?

What triggers you to lose your temper? Blow your top? Or completely see red?

Here are the more common causes:

  • Internal and external events
  • People, spouses, children, family, and pets
  • Coworkers, supervisors, and bosses
  • Delays like traffic jams, delayed flights, crowded areas
  • Personal stress, worry, anxiety, fear, sadness
  • Memories of past hurt that have not been forgiven or resolved
  • Major life changes-changing jobs, death, moving, the ending of a relationship
  • And the rarely-physically threatening danger

Levels of anger

  1. Low – upset, annoyed, irritated, cranky
  2. Medium – fed up, angry, mad
  3. High – furious, repulsed, outraged, seeing "red"

Anger quotes

  • Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; only you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha
  • Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean. - Maya Angelou
  • The truth will set you free, but first, it will piss you off. - Gloria Steinem
  • When angry, count to four. When very angry, swear. - Mark Twain
  • Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret. - Ambrose Bierce
  • Get mad, then get over it. - Colin Powell
  • It is wise to direct your anger towards problems — not people; to focus your energies on answers — not excuses. - William Arthur Ward

The 3 parts of anger, and the part you must learn to control

There are 3 stages of anger.

  1. One, you're mad. You're going to act out, lash out, and possibly go into a fit of rage.
  2. The calm after the storm, this is typically 5-20 minutes long and starts after your "crash" from an angry outburst. I say the crash at this point because anger is like getting high. Everything becomes emotionally charged, and the peak begins to wear off in stage 2. Remember, anger is a very strong emotion, especially physically. I personally feel it surging through my body, and it's exhausting when it wears off.
  3. And finally, the anticipation of another outburst. If you reach the third stage by lack of self-control, your anger tends to come out and act as one seeking victory over a real or imagined threat or battle.

The key to control is to recenter and refocus once you realize you are in the 2nd part. If you regain control of your emotions at this juncture, you release yourself from the anticipation of another offense. If you can successfully do this, you can, with much practice, learn to avoid your anger all together and begin to manage it. If you fail at stage 2, the cycle repeats itself.

Anger management control and techniques

Realize first of all that you cannot control the universe. So from this point forward, I hereby relieve you of that job position/title. The goal is to redirect, express openly, honestly, make your need requests clear, and learn self-control. You must learn coping skills to calm down and adjust your attitude, perception, and expectations.

Change yourself first, and watch how things fall like dominoes into place without you burning up so much life energy being mad. Wouldn't it be nice to use all that energy for a solution? Rather than allowing it to cause additional problems? Isn't life difficult enough?

  1. Control your reactions since you cannot control everything else.
  2. Express your emotions calmly and rationally (once you recognize stage 2 of a fit).
  3. Forgive not only others but yourself for mistakes and undesired outcomes.
  4. Exercise (burn up that angry energy), make this a priority, exercise is good for not only the body but the mind as well.
  5. Change your perception and perspective.
  6. Realize you are human, you will make mistakes, acknowledge them, and correct them.
  7. Find an outlet-writing, taking a walk, listening to music, and having some alone time are all good things to try.
  8. Remember, life is short, and most things are not serious, or worth wasting your energy being angry about.
  9. Seek support groups.
  10. Take anger management classes if needed.

© 2013 Rebecca


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    • jpcmc profile image

      JP Carlos 

      6 years ago from Quezon CIty, Phlippines

      I know a lot of people who easily explode over small stuff. I bet they move from one stage to the next so fast.

    • Bishop55 profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from USA

      Can you share how you figured that all out? Because you just described me! Maybe you could even private message me. I'm trying everything, meditation, books, I'm seeing a spritual advisor PT, short of changing my entire life, I'm pretty much pissed 90% of the time.

    • denise.w.anderson profile image

      Denise W Anderson 

      7 years ago from Bismarck, North Dakota

      I have had issues with anger. It used to be that the only emotions I felt were anger and sadness. Unfortunately, that lead me to serious bouts of depression. The anger would lead me to self-improvement, and the sadness to trying to help others. Part of my mental health treatment was discovering where my anger was coming from and what to do about it. Now, I am able to catch the emotions before they fester into anger, and I have been a much happier person.

    • Eiddwen profile image


      7 years ago from Wales

      Interesting and useful.

      Voted up for sure.


    • Bishop55 profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from USA

      Just had another helpful thought...if you don't have a cat (or 2) get one. They are very theraputic. Hugging my Maine Coon, Henry, calms me down, he has a wonderful purr.

    • Bishop55 profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from USA

      It's just a quick one, close your eyes, for 3-5 minutes breath deeply, until it hurts if possible (I smoked for 17 yrs so this is easy for me). Inhale deeply through the nose (while tensing as many muscles as you can) and slowly exhale through your mouth (release the tension on the exhale). Usually when I do this, I repeat in my head "be still, be still, be still" or pick any mantra. Could be "I will not kill and destroy" lol. But this helps...sometimes. I'm ashamed to admit I almost always lose control of myself when I get really mad. I don't typically break things (I work to hard to do that), but I'm like a verbal chaotic tornado, and I expect everyone to forgive me the minute I say sorry, and well...that doesn't work out well.

    • JG11Bravo profile image


      7 years ago

      Any thoughts on meditation for anger management? The subject of zen is stuck in my head, for obvious reasons, and it's very often cited as a great tool for the purpose.

    • Bishop55 profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from USA

      Thanks JG. Now if only I could learn to apply this to my life! With the holidays approaching, it's getting worse for me. Thanks for taking the time to check out this hub.

    • JG11Bravo profile image


      7 years ago

      Looks like you and I have something in common in being angry people. I like the tips on controlling anger in particular. Subjective though it is, it pretty thoroughly covers the basics that work for most people. I'm a proponent of exercise, personally. Good hub, voting up.

    • lambservant profile image

      Lori Colbo 

      7 years ago from Pacific Northwest

      Someone once said "Unforgiveness is like eating rat poison and expecting the other person to die." Good hub.


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