Kicking the addiction
Day 3 no alcohol and no sugary drinks. I don't want to be looked at or spoken to. Everything that everyone does pisses me off and I can't stand myself today. Sunday is usually a very exciting day for me as I get to go to church.Today this Sunday, my brain is fighting with me to find a reason to justify going and getting a beer. Not only that but when I think about having a beer I can feel happy butterflies in my tummy.
I am ready to start an argument that will be so ugly I can tell myself "I don't need this crap." Then I will march down to the convenience store and get a 12 pack. I already placed the rule that there is no alcohol allowed in the house any more. So, I will sit outside somewhere and drink and let my husband scratch his head and wonder what he did wrong. These are the things that my addiction wants me to do and when I don't do them and I fight off the cravings, I am still left not knowing what to do with myself or how to act.
Socializing with alcohol has been a routine for many years and today is Fathers day. I know I need to be kind to my husband and I tried. I got up and bitterly made pancakes for Fathers day. Then I went into the room where I was going to give him breakfast in bed. That was the simple task I had planned out. Instead I went in there and scolded him on not understanding what it means to be in battle with addiction and told him I didn't feel as if he was reaching for God anymore. Wow I seriously amaze myself sometimes. I have a way of making it all about me when it isn't.
As a family we went to church. Me, my husband,my step son, my brother, and a family friend. That, I was sure would be my cure for what ever attitude I have today. I got there and complained that the seats were too close together to stand comfortably.I left during service because I felt God went away from me.
How much longer does this take to kick the addiction? Will I still be the same person when I come out of it or will I always be in a bad mood? Will I be able to have fun with a water in my hand instead of a beer?
Has anyone else that is reading gone through this and have any advice? I know it is said "take it one day at a time." Nobody ever told me that the days are soooo long. I have to trust that God sees what I need and will respond when it is needed.