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Difficulties Caused by Being a People Pleaser and What to Do About It.

Updated on September 2, 2014
Put your needs first sometimes
Put your needs first sometimes | Source

How to Become a Genuine Person

Do you do things to please people? Are you living the life you want and you sincerely believe God wants you to live or the one your think your friends and neighbors expect of you? We may not even know why we feel we have to please someone. It may be to be liked or just the way we were raised. Many of us were raised in guilt ridden homes and the only way we know to feel good about ourselves is by constantly pleasing others. Sometimes people pleasers can't express their own true thoughts. They feel guilt for something they aren't even aware of. What if someone disagree's with their opinion?

They often go out with people they dislike just because they don't know how to say no or they do not like the way they will feel after they do say no. It is difficult to be honest with ourselves and think through what is really the most important thing to do for ourselves. Pleasing ourselves is not a sin. It will not cause us to lose all our friends or alienate our family. On the contrary you may find people radiating to you become a more a genuine self-sufficient person.

How can you break away from people pleasing? Try to realize that you should not worry what other people think but rather what you think is truly right. As a Christian I have a need to please God and allow Him to lead my decisions. In most cases I can tell if something feels like it is coming from my own need to please or God asking me to do something.

We need to learn to be honest to ourselves and to others. the people that don't like us will never be happy with anything we think do or say and the people that truly love us want us to be real with them. People don't enjoy spending time with someone that never has a thought or feeling of their own. Our real friends care about us and truly want to hear how we feel about things. They respect our opinion.

It is important to start accepting ourselves and believing that we really are special. Accept compliments. Try doing some activities just because you want to, for pure pleasure and no other reason. The better we care for our own well being the easier it will be to have the desire and energy to care for those we truly love. We may find ourselves more pleasant and calmer to be around. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Know that if you truly have a bad feeling about something it probably is not from God. God would not lead you down a road to fear and tension. Follow His leading and you will find life much easier.

Christ says my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:30.

Overcoming being a pleaser


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  • nancynurse profile image

    Nancy McClintock 5 years ago from Southeast USA

    Thank so much for commenting. It means so much.

  • Johan Smulders profile image

    Johan Smulders 5 years ago from East London, South Africa

    Amazing advice-so true.

  • nancynurse profile image

    Nancy McClintock 5 years ago from Southeast USA

    I see women especially with the problem and it can lead to illness , etc. Overdoing that is. Thank you so much for your comment. I appreciated your input !!!!

  • frogyfish profile image

    frogyfish 5 years ago from Central United States of America

    Such a truth you expressed. It seems that sometimes a lack of 'proper aggressiveness' takes a long time to how/when to say "No.", because it can be somewhat of a proper defense mechanism to say no.

    I like the recommendation of the book "Boundaries" too.

  • nancynurse profile image

    Nancy McClintock 5 years ago from Southeast USA

    Thanks so much for reading and commenting . You are so right . It is difficult to avoid. I tend to ere on the side of trying too much to please and often end up exhausted , frustrated and take my fatigue out on my poor husband. !!!!

  • nancynurse profile image

    Nancy McClintock 5 years ago from Southeast USA

    You are right. It can so get out of hand when we please because we feel insecure. Thank you so much for your comments and reading the hub.

  • nancynurse profile image

    Nancy McClintock 5 years ago from Southeast USA

    Thanks Pamela. The book "Boundaries" is a good one for learning when to do something in the best interest for you and your friends and family. I so appreciated your comments.

  • radhikasree profile image

    Radhika Sreekanth 5 years ago from Mumbai,India

    Pleasing people is good, but it's not always possible. Nice hub.

  • Pamela99 profile image

    Pamela Oglesby 5 years ago from United States

    This is a good article about a problem for many people. I think it especially pertains to women due to the way we were raised. Through the years, my self esteem has improved and I have very few times that saying no is a problem now. You explained this problem very well.

  • thumbi7 profile image

    JR Krishna 5 years ago from India

    I agree with you.

    But sometimes it is hard to avoid pleasing people.

    Thanks for a nice hub